Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

[Elephantinthemoon]

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

@forgeti it's fine. We will look after if parents can't stay. It's not compulsory to stay.

"genuinely didn't think ordering takeaways to a hospital was a thing. BUT regardless I still would feel.a bit judged I think because it'd look like o was having a lovely time ordering pizza etc. But perhaps I should of! Never occured to me honestly. But nurses haven't exactly been forthcoming. Also even the main entrance is miles away. I'm on floor 11!!!"

"A lovey time ordering pizza" come on OP don't be so dramatic, people would think you were just making sure you had food so you could adequately care for your child!

'Nurses haven't exactly been forthcoming' seems like both times you asked nurses for food they found you some. Both on the ward and in A&E. Their job is to nurse, not feed you, but both times you've asked for help they've given it. If your child was exclusively breastfed you would have a point about feeding you but they aren't so you really need to move on from that, it's irrelevant.

I think it’s pretty important to know how to communicate correctly about your child’s life-threatening illness. Maybe that’s just me. Have a great day.

Theres (as ever) a lot of folk here with little experience of hospitals and apparently zero ability to imagine anything beyond their own personal experience.

I've had the (mis)fortune to have spent time in many hospitals around the country.

Some had food available for non-patients 24/7, some had food available via shops during 7am to 10pm, some from 9am to 4pm, some had takeaways that would deliver to the ward door, some just to the main entrance, some not at all.

Some hospitals so big, and so poorly built that to get from the top floor to the front door could easily take half an hour, given only one lift that is very slow and often full (fine if you're capable of galloping up and down ten flights of stairs but for many reasons, some of us can't do that).

Some are close to city type amenities... some like my current local, are a good 40 minute walk from the nearest shop and at least a 10 minute drive, once you get through the hospital itself. Food shops close at 4pm (shop) and 6pm (costa), you can't have takeaways to the ward only the front door and thats a fair trek through the hospital depending on where you start from.

Wards vary too - some will be occasionally barely filled and have enough staff, others will be rammed with insufficient staff - your experiences in a hospital can vary from visit to visit in the SAME hospital, never mind across hospitals in the UK.

OP I hope your kiddo is ok, and you get a better supply of food soon. As crazy-american as it sounds, I'd keep a 'prepper' type bag in the car, stuff you can make with a kettle, long life protein bars, cereal bars etc. It shouldn't be like this, but it is.

They won’t feed you. You can either bring the child with you to the cafeteria or hand the child to a nurse, let them know you are going food and run out the door. Otherwise you won’t eat until you leave.

Btw... no one is judging you if you get a takeaway. Food is food and I can assure you in a busy hospital theres PLENTY of staff eating things often considered 'treats' like takeaways and snack foods, out of necessity because there is bugger all other option.

Absolutely no one who matters will think 'oh shes having a lovely time treating herself to pizza' at all! (I haven't invented this, I know several nurses, drs and surgeons, all of whom have had to survive long shifts on mars bars, slices of pizza, donuts, whatever there is, at times!)

maybe there is a vending trolley at daytime.

there was one when my dc was in hospital.

Fairly sure that when he's asleep, as he is, you could tell them you're going to get something to eat. As many PP have said. Instead of posting on MN why not do as you've been advised? The NHS can't be feeding patient plus family members. Frankly I'd be appalled if they did.
Just go get something. Hope LO is better soon.

I was on a geriatric ward recently due to bed shortages and the majority of patients had dementia so as horrible as it sounds where like babies and toddlers and needed looking after as such they didn't have family members there 24/7 and the hca did basically babysit them. The hca where brilliant and multiple patients where on 1 to 1 and even one's that wasn't the staff would go in when they cried or tried to get out of bed to settle them. The nhs seem to think that on paediatric wards they don't need as many staff as the parents should be doing 24/7 care which just isn't practical.

It was an awful thing to say.

I'm glad you got something OP. Hope your child gets well soon. Cheese sandwiches do seem to be the standard fill-in food. Once I woke up in ICU, and as soon as I was properly awake....I was relatively fine. It was a very strange situation - I was in an accident where my oxygen got cut off for a few minutes because of the position I was in. But, apart from that, cuts and bruises....I was okay! So I was in the weird situation of waking up in ICU and being relatively well. In short order, I was very hungry, because I'd been unconscious for a day.

They found me a cheese sandwich.

Christ sake there's always one who thinks they're a super clever detective because they read the previous posts 🙄 yes I don't always use the correct pronouns for my child because I don't want my posts to be identifiable...sometimes I'd rather not reveal every detail and can't be arsed to name change. Is it relevant if its a girl or boy? No. But it made me feel more comfortable to ask about my child's seizures in that previous post to just change it to "she". Yes very stupid and probably a bit daft but honestly who cares I'm 100% certain other posters change identifiable details aswell.
Not exactly con artist of the year am I. Sorry you didn't get your big reveal moment 🤣🤣

Leave the child or sometimes foster care for the others.

Hospitals are missing a trick here, someone to do a sandwich round to the children's wards a couple of times a day would pay for itself.

I do the same, re identifying details, OP. Just ignore them, probably the highlight of their day, little adrenaline rush.

So glad you got something although you must still have been hungry

I fhink the nurses are being unfair to you saying you can’t leave him even to nip and collect a deliveroo (and do not feel judged- when I’ve been in with the kids that is about the only thing you can do when you end up there out of hours unexpectedly unless family can bring food in)

some parents cannot stay full time with their kids as they have other children they can’t leave with anyone else. There was always more than one child on the ward that it was obvious did not have an adult able to stay and one mum told me she was a single parent and had no one to mind her other kids. In those cases the nursing team will watch the child.

so to suggest they can’t allow you to even take five mins to get food for yourself is really cruel tbh.

There was always more than one child on the ward that it was obvious did not have an adult able to stay and one mum told me she was a single parent and had no one to mind her other kids. In those cases the nursing team will watch the child.

Not a 20-month-old in a side room who is having seizures. How are they supposed to watch that baby and all their other patients? What if one of their other patients needs pain meds or has a cardiac arrest? Are they supposed to just say "Sorry I can't help, I have to stay here with this baby until his mother gets back."?

I was in with my 1 year old (15 months) two weeks ago and wasn’t fed, I’m not breast feeding though. I was absolutely starving, lucky we were only in for just over 30 hours.

Not the nurses fault if they’re understaffed but yes, of course an adequately funded health service should have the capacity to supervise a 20 month old having seizures. It’s literally what health care is bare minimum.

See also in OPs update that when she actually asked for food she was given a sandwich

I'm glad a student nurse took pity on you. And I hope your child is doing a little better this morning.

Obviously you're not the patient and therefore there is no obligation to feed you, but you should expect to be able to leave your child long enough to get food. I would actually consider writing to PALS to explain the situation - that you were not given permission to leave the ward to find food, and there was no vending machine etc that you could use to access anything. You're not complaining, just highlighting this is a major issue for a lot of parents.
I know someone who runs a charity in her daughter's name and one of the things they do is have a freezer of ready meals and a microwave in the parents room to help parents in exactly this situation.

In my own 'I wasn't fed' story - I had surgery at 15 weeks pregnant. Was nil by mouth from midnight the night before so had eaten tea and gone to bed. I went to theatre around 1pm, came back a couple of hours after that to antenatal ward. I'd missed lunch and there was no food left. There might have been some bread in the patient kitchen but I'd had a spinal so couldn't physically stand to get there. They eventually found me a bowl of limp lettuce to eat.

Even if they're not understaffed, they still won't have enough staff to sit with patients. When adults with dementia, for example, are provided with one-to-one care, those nurses/HCAs are called "specials" and they have to be requested by the ward and approved by higher ups before they are brought in. Those requests are only granted when it is clear that those patients are at too great a risk to be left unsupervised due to their conditions. But these requests are often rejected because it costs a lot of money, especially agency staff.

So there is no way in hell management will fund extra nurses to provide babysitting duties for children's wards.

We do feed breastfeeding mums and they get a menu. Nurses may just not have realised overnight that you hadn’t eaten. I’d have just mentioned it and someone would have found you a sandwich or toast on my ward.

Just ask this morning. explain you were fed last time. We would love to provide for every parent but they trust can afford so many extra meals.

A&e in my experience aren’t set up for feeding families. Maybe a snack for a patient. But not supposed to be in there for how long unfortunately people now are waiting so they don’t have the resources to store/deliver full meals.

Goodness gracious, I hope your child will be OK and they will feed you both properly. What a joke..

I was never fed in a and e or offered water whilst bleeding from the head after falling unconscious in the road at 27 weeks pregnant back in October 2022, I had to keep begging for water and ringing the buzzer for someone to come look at my head and check the baby. It was terrible. No one did until hours later. They told me I needed a special injection for the baby or the baby could die. Or be born with a blood disorder. I was told that for 7 hours and to just wait and I had to keep chasing it up. I Was so distressed because i collaped in the road and landed on my side and the impact was dangerous for my son due to us havingdifferent blood types and our bloods mixing. It was pretty stressful and eventually I left the a and e with a sprained wrist and bleeding head to go look for the labour ward to get the injection myself. When I got up to the labour ward, they told me the midwife has gone to look for you, you should go back down to a and e to find her. I was like are you serious, I just had a bad fall and blacked out on the road with my young children in tow. And you want me to go back looking for her. What a bloody joke. I said no thank you I will stay here . So I waited and finally got the injection and left. It was my husband who is trained who bandaged up my arm and treated my head. It was diabolical. I understand the services are stretched but come on. They should be proving a mother and child sandwiches and squash at the very least.
Hope your partner comes by later and you can stock up on treats from the shop!!!! All the best.

@Wrongsideofpennines bloody horrendous

Go out whilst he's asleep, grab food drink etc for both of you. He will wake up hungry. Honestly you're right how's he going to get well if he's not fed? Leaving you without food or even a drink is inhumane.