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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
SirenSays · 28/03/2023 02:42

CastlesinSpain · 28/03/2023 01:09

There is obviously a massive opportunity here for someone to start a snack business from a trolley going a regular route around a hospital - maybe with a tracking app so that the vendor could be intercepted by customers as they passed each ward door (rather than actually entering the ward so that the patients wouldn't be disturbed / the trolley wouldn't be in the staff's way /hygiene.)

The last hospital I worked at had a shop in the most ridiculous place, miles from anything, down a dead end corridor. I suggested they get a trolley and they looked at me like I had three heads. When I left they were still paying staff to sit in an empty shop.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 02:55

I only got offered toast for breakfast as a parent carer on the children's ward. That was both our local hospital and Manchester children's hospital when they were admitted there. I had to provide my own food to prepare in the parents room. They had a jar to put donations in for tea and coffee.

Now they go on an adult ward we do get offered what's left after the patients have been served theirs. If there's no hot meal there's usually a sandwich available. But on children's ward at our local hospital I was always starving. I couldn't leave them unsupervised unless they were asleep. At least in RMCH I could press the call button and a nurse would come and sit with them so I could go and prepare something. And no they don't deliver takeaways to ward's. We have to go down to the A and E entrance to collect.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:03

The shop at our local hospital is well stocked. But it's right by the main entrance at least a 10 minuit walk from the ward's. It's a bit pointless when most the people using it are either staff or parents and carers who have to stay in hospital to look after a child or loved one. It's not always open either. I always get asked by staff if the shop is open if I've been able to pop home. If it's shut they have to make do with a sandwich from a vending machine. They don't often have the time to go to the canteen.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:18

If you have a mobile video baby monitor ask hubby to bring it up so you can at least pop to the parents room. He'll be in a cot so will be safe while sleeping.

As for food ask him to bring anything instant. Porridge pots, pot noodles, mug shots and a loaf of bread to dip in. It actually tastes ok dry when you're starving. Or tins and any snacks you might want. I go through a lot of snackajacks when I'm in with them. Anything that's quick don't get anything to keep in the fridge in the parents room. It will be taken by other parents.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:29

That's fine if you're child doesn't have an underlying health condition. But the OP child does so they need someone with them all the time and every siezure in hospital has to be recorded. Which nurses cannot give one to one care for. 🤔🙄

Tourmalines · 28/03/2023 03:31

MithrilCostsMore · 27/03/2023 21:22

In my experience no. Get a takeaway delivered to the ward. I've done it as a single parent for eight years. You ask an assistant or student to sit with your child for half an hour during the day and go load up on snacks from shop or vending machine.

This

forgeti · 28/03/2023 03:37

This thread is so interesting - didn’t realise this is how done hospitals operate. I have only been to a hospital twice but remember a vending machine with crisps, chocolates and drinks, and the hospital providing sandwiches. There was also a shop on the ground floor.

im surprised you have to personally stay with your child on the ward. Surely there’s other 1 year olds that might be admitted and a parent can’t wait with the child? What does the hospital do then? Eg labour complications or a serious incident that caused both child and parent to be hospitalised.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:42

Hahaha you can't just leave a special needs child with a student. What planet are you on?😂😂😂 Crikey my kids would have been running around the children's ward looking for me.

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:49

Do you even have a clue what it's like to have a child suffering from uncontrolled siezures? They're in drips with all sorts of drug's going into them to get they're siezures under control. Your by they're bedside day and night and told to write down any siezures oh and try and video it if you can. But you can't video it because you are trying to prevent your child getting injured while they are having multiple violent siezures.

BertaHoon · 28/03/2023 04:04

Wow it really must be different between hospital trusts.

My 13 year old - day patient - operation on his arm... They guided me to the parents room. Sandwiches in fridge, tea, coffee, help yourself...

I had a cup of tea but I wasn't going to deprive a mum with a young baby who'd been in for days a sandwich.

BertaHoon · 28/03/2023 04:21

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:56

Ok I'll bite.

We as a ward get x amount of budget to feed x amount of children 3 x a day. This comes out of the ward budget, see also blood test tubes, bp cuffs, detergent, all the clinical things like iv sets, blood giving sets, cannulas etc.

Are you gonna pay the short fall at the end of the year because that ward fed every parent and adult sized meal and then they have to borrow money for actual clinical items?

It's shit I'm not saying it's not shit but unfortunately the ward budget doesn't stretch that far. That's before you get to the scenario where the parent of child A orders cottage pie for themselves and child A and then they get discharged so go home and then the parent of child B who's gone into that bed space complains because they don't eat cottage pie and neither does their kid so could they have nuggets or a jacket potato. So that's 4 meals that have been served because 2 were declined by parent and child B.

Who pays for this?

I worked on a cancer ward for children and we were so lucky to be able to get on demand pizza and nuggets or whatever because kids on chemo need to eat what they want when they want but then we had to say to parents it's for your child not you because it was funded by a charity and not the nhs.

I struggled so much working on that ward because in my head if you're a parent of a child with cancer then anything we can do as staff is perfect but housekeeper took pleasure in telling parents that the food and drink in the kitchen was for children and not patients.

The worst moment was when a couple were told their child had cancer and I asked the housekeeper to make a tea and a coffee whilst I liaise with the dr and answer any questions the parents had and she told me in front of the parents that the parents had to make their own drink in the parents room.

I made the drinks myself and reported her to the band 7 because it's literally her job to make drinks and make the lives of parents who have a child with cancer a tiny bit better. It really pissed me off.

I'm a specialised cancer nurse who deals with children with cancer and because of that and ordering the meal for the parents of a child dying with cancer and being disciplined for it I now work entirely in outpatients because the ward politics are just hideous

Show quote history

I want to hug you. Well done. I bet you've made such a difference to so many lives.

EnterChasedByAMemory · 28/03/2023 04:23

Elephantinthemoon · 28/03/2023 00:41

Answers to questions:

-I've now had a sandwich from a student who took pity on me.

  • the shop is closed but even if it was open it is literally miles away. Its not 5 minutes it's more like 30-40 minutes to walk there, get something and walk back. It's not like it's outside my room!
  • nurses have said I can't leave him. No he is not "continuously seizing" as one comment said but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable leaving for long enough if no-one is watching him. Also they've said not to.
  • "pop to the chippy" - are you serious? I'm in hospital with my very sick baby I'm not on my holibobs? I'm not here for laughs. Unless the nearest food is actually a chippy why on earth would i do that?
  • genuinely didn't think ordering takeaways to a hospital was a thing. BUT regardless I still would feel.a bit judged I think because it'd look like o was having a lovely time ordering pizza etc. But perhaps I should of! Never occured to me honestly. But nurses haven't exactly been forthcoming. Also even the main entrance is miles away. I'm on floor 11!!!
  • the loo is literally opposite my room. So that's fine I've been to the loo I just left the bedroom door wide open and it took me like 2 minutes. I washed and brushed teeth in our room. The cafe/shop however is miles away so it's not the same at all.

Honestly guys if I could get food easily I would have! My dh is not a sadist if he could bring me food he would of. I'm not being a "victim" I'm genuinely just found myself in a ridiculous situation where I've come to hospital, and done as I'm told (like waiting in waiting room for 7.5hrs) and found myself at 9pm unable to access food.

This would be solved with a vending machine honestly! But there isn't one.

I'll know for next time.i suppose but I really think it's incredibley ridiculous that there is no system for ordering and paying for food in hospitals from the room. I'd quite happily pay a bill when I leave, but just not feeding me and not allowing me to find food is really crazy.

@Elephantinthemoon I hope your little one is doing ok. It seems to that the nurses are understaffed and so even nipping to the shops or the cafeteria is unrealistic. Also seeing as you’re on floor 11, I’m not sure if delivery drivers can go onto the ward floor? It might be worth checking.

Hopefully your DH will be back with something today after the school run but your child hasn’t eaten either if I’ve understood correctly so hopefully the staff have provided viable options for you and your child for breakfast etc.

I guess now that you know, hopefully there won’t be a next time but if you are in a similar situation, you’ll be even more prepared compared. I’m wondering if you have any other IRL support? Anyone else who could have dropped off a few things whilst your DH was with the kids at home?

twoandcooplease · 28/03/2023 04:42

@Elephantinthemoon I hope dc feels better soon and you have rested since your sandwich
Tomorrow if you can get justeat they do grocery delivery not just takeaway. There's usually breakfast places open for delivery around 7am too

Dolphinnoises · 28/03/2023 04:50

The depressing thing about this thread is the way everyone is snarking rather than asking ourselves if this is acceptable. Of course the NHS is underfunded. Of course, if there’s no nurse to stay with a child so sick they need constant monitoring, the parent must stay. But if we’ve got to a state of affairs where parents are part of the essential care plan for children who cannot be left, there has to be infrastructure for them. You can’t build in a system where parents are expected to go 24 hours without food.

People are waiting in hospitals for half to full days, and not everyone gets notice they must go directly to hospital - either because of a sudden emergency or, like the OP, because a GP visit escalates. How much food must we turn up with? 48 hours of food and water to be on the safe side?

The only thing I would say, OP - and I feel so sorry for you - is you seem to associate takeaways with celebrating or being on holiday. I get that because growing up, it was a birthday treat for my parents. But actually it’s just hot food, delivered. No one will think it’s odd and try to stop thinking the doctors are thinking you are uncaring for wanting to eat. You must eat, to be able to care for your child.

Give your DP very clear instructions about what food you need - pasta salad, muesli bars (or muesli and long-life milk (bring scissors to open it). Not too much crisps/ chocolate or you’ll start to feel dreadful. And nothing that smells too much as the smell will linger.

Where are you sleeping? Are you getting to sleep?

Shesasuperfreak · 28/03/2023 05:13

You need to say clearly. No i need someone to watch him, I have not eaten in almost 24 hours and then get up and go to the shops whilst they are there.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 28/03/2023 05:17

The patients are fed the visitors aren't. It is awful that they treat bottle feeding mothers as you describe and discriminate. This is why my mum stopped leading breast feeding groups in the hospital as she said it wasn't right to treat bottle feeding mothers as they were. It is appalling.

user1492757084 · 28/03/2023 05:27

Ask the staff where to buy some food for yourself.
Leave, after telling the nurses that you are getting some food, and go down and buy yourself some food.
The staff should be able to look after their patient.
As for their patient; your son should be offered food at meal times.
Ask the staff for some food for him.
It is reasonable for you to eat food that your son can not eat or doesn't like, at meal times.
Water should be available for you.
A place for you to make a cup of tea would often be in place too. Go out to the main desk and ask.

XlemonX · 28/03/2023 05:57

I feel for you. I have learnt it the hard way so I will never go to a&e without packing my full cupboard of food with me including over the counter drugs as getting nurse attending to you whilst waiting is near to impossible.
wishing you some rest and that your baby gets better soon x

Dyslexicwonder · 28/03/2023 06:04

Good morning, hope you are feeling better. The wait in A&E is brutal and no they won't feed you (or your son) because you aren't formally "admitted". However I was going to say having worked on children's wards for 20 years, they is always bread for toast, biscuits and usually a few sandwiches knocking about so ask. But then I saw you did and got a sandwich.

I hope your LO is better soon. Yes next time bring supplies for A&E but hindsight is wonderful isn't it ?

Kebsta86 · 28/03/2023 06:10

Strawberrydelight78 · 28/03/2023 03:49

Do you even have a clue what it's like to have a child suffering from uncontrolled siezures? They're in drips with all sorts of drug's going into them to get they're siezures under control. Your by they're bedside day and night and told to write down any siezures oh and try and video it if you can. But you can't video it because you are trying to prevent your child getting injured while they are having multiple violent siezures.

I’m sorry but if your child was having a lot of seizures wouldn’t you know how to spell it by now?

Kebsta86 · 28/03/2023 06:15

Lizzt2007 · 28/03/2023 00:43

Yes, but when gp told me to take kid to a&e I assumed we'd be there a while and might be admitted so I took the half our delay to stop at home and pack a bag, including food. If it had been urgent they'd have been sending up in an ambulance. A short delay wasn't going to make a difference.

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Well done. Your ‘Mum of the year’ award is in the post. I’m very sorry the rest of us aren’t as amazing as you and just wanted to get our child to hospital as quickly as possible. We’ll try to do better.

shrunkenhead · 28/03/2023 06:17

I'm sorry to hear your son is unwell, OP. The NHS is on its knees so I'm not surprised they're not feeding you as you're not the patient. Yes, you'd think they'd feed your son but none of this surprises me. At one I'm guessing the breastfeeding thing is irrelevant to them. If he was a baby under six months I'd hope they'd find the time and resources to feed you...
I hope your son gets better soon, OP.

Toddlerteaplease · 28/03/2023 06:21

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 28/03/2023 05:17

The patients are fed the visitors aren't. It is awful that they treat bottle feeding mothers as you describe and discriminate. This is why my mum stopped leading breast feeding groups in the hospital as she said it wasn't right to treat bottle feeding mothers as they were. It is appalling.

We used to feed all
Parents with a baby under 6 months because it was discriminatory.

TodayShow · 28/03/2023 06:22

Kebsta86 · 28/03/2023 06:10

I’m sorry but if your child was having a lot of seizures wouldn’t you know how to spell it by now?

Show quote history

I bet she knows how to spell arsehole though. Which is more relevant here.

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