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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
Lizzt2007 · 28/03/2023 00:43

steppemum · 28/03/2023 00:02

If your going to A&E you pack the essentials, especially with a child, nappies, bottles, formula, food.

I went to out of hours GP. Was sent to A&E, which is 30 minutes drive away, aour house was 15 minutes drive in opposite direction.

We spent all day at that A&E and then dd was admitted, but to a different hopsital, another 30 minutes drive, in a town I am unfamiliar with, as the first A&E no longer have an overnight children's ward. They suggested I drive her there so my car would be in the right city, and they wouldn't take her in an ambulance without me.

The second hospital was 50 minutes drive from our house.

Dh was home with other kids, and we only had one car, so he was stuffed.

You don't always know that you will be admitted. We were there for a week, I would never have brought enough for a week!

As to the idea of popping out to a chippy. Hospitals are on edge of town, on huge sites, miles form anywhere.
delivery - but the hospital main door where they would come is, as I said upthread 15 minutes walk from children's ward.

Honestly I do wonder if some of the people posting have ever been in a hospital?

Yes, but when gp told me to take kid to a&e I assumed we'd be there a while and might be admitted so I took the half our delay to stop at home and pack a bag, including food. If it had been urgent they'd have been sending up in an ambulance. A short delay wasn't going to make a difference.

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 00:45

Lizzt2007 · 28/03/2023 00:40

Allowed to stay, but not obliged to stay, that's the difference. I'm well aware of the staffing issues but if op needs to leave then the nurse has no choice, she can't say 'oh well sorry I'm just not going to look after that patient because mum should be there' if mum needs to leave for whatever reason then the staff have no right to make her stay and no right to tell her they won't care for her child while she's gone!

Show quote history

They should. But they don’t. I have been in hospital a couple of times where there is a baby / young toddler on their own, and they simply cry for ages non stop with no one going to comfort them. So knowing that’s what happens when a parent is not there, why would anyone want to entrust their child to a nurse.

Nursing has very much changes from what it used to be. Nurses simply have too much to do that comforting or even monitoring a lonely child is something they don’t have time for.

AndiOliversFan · 28/03/2023 00:49

Lizzt2007 · 28/03/2023 00:40

Allowed to stay, but not obliged to stay, that's the difference. I'm well aware of the staffing issues but if op needs to leave then the nurse has no choice, she can't say 'oh well sorry I'm just not going to look after that patient because mum should be there' if mum needs to leave for whatever reason then the staff have no right to make her stay and no right to tell her they won't care for her child while she's gone!

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I agree with this. It’s beyond ridiculous that a nurse can tell a parent that they cannot leave the ward to go and get food because no care is available for their child. @Toddlerteaplease confirmed that they do care for children whose parents cannot be there- I don’t understand why the need to do a basic thing such as eat is considered optional and not a good enough reason to step away and leave the care to the professionals for a short time. I’m sure the nurses get to eat their own meals.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 00:51

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 00:45

They should. But they don’t. I have been in hospital a couple of times where there is a baby / young toddler on their own, and they simply cry for ages non stop with no one going to comfort them. So knowing that’s what happens when a parent is not there, why would anyone want to entrust their child to a nurse.

Nursing has very much changes from what it used to be. Nurses simply have too much to do that comforting or even monitoring a lonely child is something they don’t have time for.

Show quote history

A lonely sick child. They are not being asked to lead story time. Just to make sure that the child is safe.

SpreadableCheeseOnEverything · 28/03/2023 00:52

OP, I know you've had something to eat now but just thought I'd add that the snack box charity scheme is also available at Winchester, Southampton and Guildford hospitals, in case you are in any of those? I believe the snack boxes are available in the kitchen area/parents room on the ward.

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 00:54

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 00:51

A lonely sick child. They are not being asked to lead story time. Just to make sure that the child is safe.

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I’m not defending it, so not sure there is a need for the snarky comment? Obviously the majority of children being kept in are sick…

Isuppose · 28/03/2023 00:54

Lizzt2007 · 28/03/2023 00:40

Allowed to stay, but not obliged to stay, that's the difference. I'm well aware of the staffing issues but if op needs to leave then the nurse has no choice, she can't say 'oh well sorry I'm just not going to look after that patient because mum should be there' if mum needs to leave for whatever reason then the staff have no right to make her stay and no right to tell her they won't care for her child while she's gone!

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This isn't what most people would choose to do but it is true.

The parent's stay to comfort the child while the nurses are busying themselves elsewhere. The majority of parents choose to do this for themselves as much as for the child.

I have stayed on hospital wards where there simply wasn't a parent with a child. The nurses, of course, went in and out and made sure the child was ok.

Fromwetome · 28/03/2023 00:55

@Comedycook they go home, and the nurses care for the child. It's fine for the mum to go home and eat, care for her children, nurses will often tell mum to go and sleep, come back in the morning and call whenever you want. Don't know where OP is but I've never ever known a ward to require 100% attendance at all times.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 00:58

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 00:54

I’m not defending it, so not sure there is a need for the snarky comment? Obviously the majority of children being kept in are sick…

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The point being that sick children are in hospital to be cared for by nurses and other HCPs anyway, so I can’t see why a short time without the parent there would be an unreasonable imposition on those already responsible for his/her care.

Findyourneutralspace · 28/03/2023 01:00

I was quite often in hospital with DS2 when he was a baby. I’m a single mum, and the only option for help was my mum looking after DS1 so she couldn’t help me in hospital. When he was breastfed, I was fed. But later, I would nip to the hospital shop when he was asleep or calm, and ask the nurses to keep an ear out. If I knew he was going in and likely to be admitted I took porridge pots because there was a brew room for parents where I could boil a kettle.
It’s not easy though. Hope you are a bit more sorted OP

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 01:05

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 00:58

The point being that sick children are in hospital to be cared for by nurses and other HCPs anyway, so I can’t see why a short time without the parent there would be an unreasonable imposition on those already responsible for his/her care.

Show quote history

Maybe they see it as another task they don’t have the time for? Or perhaps they are so used to parents staying all day and night they don’t see it as part of their job. Who knows.

I was once in hospital where a young baby cried non stop for just under 2 hours before finally, presumably passing out asleep. I don’t know what the issue was health wise but the nurse would simply peek in every now and then and walk off with no attempt to comfort.

We get admitted every couple of months or so, and after seeing that, I refuse to leave DS on his own.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 01:07

I had my tonsils out when I was 4. Was in hospital about 3 days. My parents came at normal visiting hours only, I remember it clearly.

AnyaMarx · 28/03/2023 01:09

27 years ago my son had meningitis and was in hospital 8 weeks.

I stayed on a camp bed next to him the entire time .

The only day I was given food was Xmas day.

The rest of the time I either ran and got sandwiches from the canteen and brought them to the room

Or I went to the canteen for a hot meal while someone else sat with him .

Hospitals dont feed the parents only the patient.

CastlesinSpain · 28/03/2023 01:09

There is obviously a massive opportunity here for someone to start a snack business from a trolley going a regular route around a hospital - maybe with a tracking app so that the vendor could be intercepted by customers as they passed each ward door (rather than actually entering the ward so that the patients wouldn't be disturbed / the trolley wouldn't be in the staff's way /hygiene.)

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 01:14

AnyaMarx · 28/03/2023 01:09

27 years ago my son had meningitis and was in hospital 8 weeks.

I stayed on a camp bed next to him the entire time .

The only day I was given food was Xmas day.

The rest of the time I either ran and got sandwiches from the canteen and brought them to the room

Or I went to the canteen for a hot meal while someone else sat with him .

Hospitals dont feed the parents only the patient.

Well it seems that nowadays you would have to ask permission to go and buy a sandwich, and that permission would be refused, even if you had no other means of getting food and had not eaten all day

Toddlerteaplease · 28/03/2023 01:20

@gogohmm we do try to give parents a break. I would never tell a parent they can't leave the ward. But I might say that I'll keep an ear out for them but can't sit with them all the time. We will also take crying babies so parents can have a rest if possible. Some times we are just to busy. But we do try. And we love to get baby cuddles.

Toddlerteaplease · 28/03/2023 01:22

@AndiOliversFan no we don't always get our own meals! We usually manage a much break but that tends to be it on a 12 hour shift.

ThereIbledit · 28/03/2023 01:39

There is obviously a massive opportunity here for someone to start a snack business from a trolley going a regular route around a hospital - maybe with a tracking app so that the vendor could be intercepted by customers as they passed each ward door (rather than actually entering the ward so that the patients wouldn't be disturbed / the trolley wouldn't be in the staff's way /hygiene.)

The friends organisation in my nearest hospital does this. No tracking app though, just a trolly with sweets and crisps, the odd book or magazine, basic toiletries etc. I was hospitalised for a week, and the trolley visit became something I looked forward to!

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 28/03/2023 01:39

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:00

In other words, they could have a parent come in with a 3yr old, say they're still breastfeeding (as if!) and expect slap up meals and room service. They're not a hotel. I wouldn't be surprised if they ask you to leave before long and come back in the morning

Our local hospital feeds any breastfeeding mother - even those of 3 year olds!!

I was in with one of my almost 3 year old twins last summer and had to bring his twin with us too as had no other childcare options (DH working and, if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid - the joys of hours worked contracts). The hospital routinely feed any breastfeeding mother no matter what age their child - and they also ordered food for the well twin (though he would have shared the same meal as his twin given they were served adult portions!) it’s not a one off either as has happened on the numerous occasions I’ve been in hospital with them over the last 3 1/2 years including pre Covid so isn’t even a change due to that (during Covid every resident parent on the children’s unit was fed 3 times a day to reduce the amount of coming and going from the unit).

The ward housekeeping staff come round between main meal times with a tea trolley and offered fruit, biscuits, cake and sandwiches to all parents on the ward. Water jugs were provided and replenished regularly through the day and squash available if wanted. Nursing staff and students regularly checked if you needed/wanted a hot drink and would bring them in lidded thermal mugs so you actually got to drink them while hot!! The night staff also do a tea round about 9.30pm aimed at parents staying on the ward and, again, offer snacks alongside hot drinks.

Yes I know we’re very lucky and it’s not the norm but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

JackiePlace · 28/03/2023 01:48

I'd ring Domino's and get a pizza delivered! An extra large in case any other patients' parents are in the same boat.

JackiePlace · 28/03/2023 01:54

I agree with pp. You don't need to ask the nurses' permission to leave the ward. You tell them you are popping out (and for how long you expect to be out, as a courtesy). It is their responsibility to care for your child while she is in hospital.

BadNomad · 28/03/2023 02:05

It is their responsibility to care for your child while she is in hospital.

Yes, they are responsible for her nursing and medical care needs. Not her babysitting needs. They are not able to stay beside her and monitor her for any length of time, and because the baby is at risk of seizures, she can't be left unattended. But you're right, the OP doesn't need to ask for permission to leave the ward. And I'm sure when she gets back to find her baby fitting, the nurses will do their jobs to treat her.

purpledalmation · 28/03/2023 02:15

Get someone to watch him, and go to the public canteen and buy some food. They don't feed parents. They feed patients.

Jadviga · 28/03/2023 02:21

This is utterly ridiculous. Even if hospitals can't afford to feed patients' families, surely they ought to make food available to them. It's not that hard to have an outside contractor bring in stuff on order and have people pay for it. They could have someone do the rounds with a trolley, or have some kind of paying room service - subcontracted if the hospital can't be bothered, though it could actually be a way for them to make extra money. They could even use the gains to hand out bonuses to NHS employees at the end of the year. Everyone would benefit.

Momtotwokids · 28/03/2023 02:25

I thought it was the nurses job to see to a patient, especially a young child. Your healthcare system doesn't seem to work well.