Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

[Elephantinthemoon]

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

Very possibly. But Crumlin is the main children's hospital so not just for parents who live locally.

The parents rooms on wards are full of food bought by other parents for themselves. Many leave it after them so other parents can use it when they leave the hospital but they generally put notes on it to let other people know its available when this is the case.

I'm not too sure they'd have been happy if you'd gone in and helped yourself to their food otherwise :)

DS is now 2 and I’m still breastfeeding. We have also had several hospital admissions.

I am always fed because I am breastfeeding. Both DS and I are offered three meals a day.

@AndiOliversFan, @Kebsta86 that is the term my colleagues would use if we were sitting with a child while the parents are off the ward. Obviously we look after the ones without parents.

My local hospital is Saint Tommy's and when I had my eldest girl I was a single parent, mum was working at the time so couldn't be always available. If I needed a snack late at night, I'd wheel the transparent hospital crib to the midwife station and they would watch her for a few minutes whilst I nipped a couple floors down to get something from the vending machine otherwise I would of starved as it was way past the feeding times of all patients on that particular ward. I think it differs from hospital to hospital.

To clarify, the most recent admission was just a few weeks ago, so he is very much a toddler, yet I was still offered 3 meals a day.

If he us asleep ask nurse yo keep eye on him while you go chippy problem solved, or even order a delivery to hospital door and nip down an collect it. You shouldn't be fed from hospital you are not the patient and am sure nurse would make child some toast if he's hungry plus he's been breastfed so will be fine for tonight.

Gosh, reading these responses I’m realising how lucky I’ve been to be fed when we’ve been in hospital. I assumed it was the norm.

Any food has always been given on the ward, not in A&E (except from a kind nurse from time to time who brings me tea and biscuits) so whenever we need to go to A&E, one of the things I pack is snacks and drinks for me as well as little one.

Well when my son was in hospital there was a parent room with free drinks, toast and cereal for breakfast, ready meals for lunch and dinner plus more drinks when you liked.

You literally helped yourself to as much as you wanted

If your going to A&E you pack the essentials, especially with a child, nappies, bottles, formula, food.

I went to out of hours GP. Was sent to A&E, which is 30 minutes drive away, aour house was 15 minutes drive in opposite direction.

We spent all day at that A&E and then dd was admitted, but to a different hopsital, another 30 minutes drive, in a town I am unfamiliar with, as the first A&E no longer have an overnight children's ward. They suggested I drive her there so my car would be in the right city, and they wouldn't take her in an ambulance without me.

The second hospital was 50 minutes drive from our house.

Dh was home with other kids, and we only had one car, so he was stuffed.

You don't always know that you will be admitted. We were there for a week, I would never have brought enough for a week!

As to the idea of popping out to a chippy. Hospitals are on edge of town, on huge sites, miles form anywhere.
delivery - but the hospital main door where they would come is, as I said upthread 15 minutes walk from children's ward.

Honestly I do wonder if some of the people posting have ever been in a hospital?

Yes , thank goodness . He has made a complete recovery . We are so grateful .

I think they may have just fed me because I was always crying !! As in the lovely food staff were trying to cheer me up . I may look like the kind of person who gets cheered up by food !

I hope your kids are well too . Nothing like a stay on hospital to put perspective on life .

OP, are you down on the south coast area? I know there is a charity that provides snack boxes for parents whose kids are in hospital at Portsmouth hospital and a few other hospitals in that area. Might be worth asking if there is something like that on the ward your DC is on.

Our hospital offers 3 meals a day to all parents. I live about a 15 min drive away and it's central so lots of eating places around. Guess we are very lucky. I thought it was normal.

Ours even give out free reusable cups to make the free tea and coffee in. Still got mine now.

It's ridiculous OP. Glad you got a sandwich.

They either need to feed you, offer facilities to purchase food on the ward, or look after their patients for periods to allow you to go to the canteen.

We saw it, but the nurse is completely in the wrong. It's nurses job to look after patients, not the parent. She's basically said it to make her own job easier. If op has no partner at home she'd have had to leave to look after her other kids, who'd have stayed with baby then ?.

I really think you should have brought something for yourself to eat. These days it takes a long time to be seen in emergency. Not really sure why you can’t leave your DS alone in the ward for as long as it takes to run down to the cafe and get a sandwich to go though. The expectation would not be that you are with him every single minute while he is in the care of the nursing staff?

You would think…except the never-ending budget cuts combined with it being a low paid and exhausting career has meant there are simply not enough nurses, and they do not have the time or capacity to look after children in their parents’ absence.

Why do you think partners are usually allowed to stay on a post natal ward - to do the job of the midwife and look after the new mum and baby.

How things have changed.
As a children's nurse, in Sheffield Children's Hospital in the 70's the children were all our responsibility. It was great when parents could be there for comfort but they certainly weren not expected to stay all day, and definitely not at night (unless critical). Expecting parents to be there to meet clinical needs, to me, feels 3rd world.
I am appalled that they can't meet your child's needs for a few hours at least

but parents and carers are not obligated to stay on wards. Patients are the only ones who need to be there. If parents and caters don't or can't stay then the staff have to provide full care for the patient. Parents and carers choose to stay. Yes they choose to stay for the benefit of the patient, but it's still a choice.

I always offer to make parents a drink if they've been admitted in the middle of the night. And will find some biscuits if we have any.
We had some lovely people from the chaplaincy round earlier with bags of food for parents who had been fasting for Ramadan. It's a really nice idea, but not fair on the rest of the parents who aren't fasting.

They shouldn’t be, but they often are, per OP’s post. The extra shit thing is that often only next of kin are allowed on the ward so if you’re a single parent, good luck.

The expectation would not be that you are with him every single minute while he is in the care of the nursing staff?

That very much is the expectation now.

Allowed to stay, but not obliged to stay, that's the difference. I'm well aware of the staffing issues but if op needs to leave then the nurse has no choice, she can't say 'oh well sorry I'm just not going to look after that patient because mum should be there' if mum needs to leave for whatever reason then the staff have no right to make her stay and no right to tell her they won't care for her child while she's gone!

Answers to questions:

-I've now had a sandwich from a student who took pity on me.

• the shop is closed but even if it was open it is literally miles away. Its not 5 minutes it's more like 30-40 minutes to walk there, get something and walk back. It's not like it's outside my room!
• nurses have said I can't leave him. No he is not "continuously seizing" as one comment said but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable leaving for long enough if no-one is watching him. Also they've said not to.
• "pop to the chippy" - are you serious? I'm in hospital with my very sick baby I'm not on my holibobs? I'm not here for laughs. Unless the nearest food is actually a chippy why on earth would i do that?
• genuinely didn't think ordering takeaways to a hospital was a thing. BUT regardless I still would feel.a bit judged I think because it'd look like o was having a lovely time ordering pizza etc. But perhaps I should of! Never occured to me honestly. But nurses haven't exactly been forthcoming. Also even the main entrance is miles away. I'm on floor 11!!!
• the loo is literally opposite my room. So that's fine I've been to the loo I just left the bedroom door wide open and it took me like 2 minutes. I washed and brushed teeth in our room. The cafe/shop however is miles away so it's not the same at all.

Honestly guys if I could get food easily I would have! My dh is not a sadist if he could bring me food he would of. I'm not being a "victim" I'm genuinely just found myself in a ridiculous situation where I've come to hospital, and done as I'm told (like waiting in waiting room for 7.5hrs) and found myself at 9pm unable to access food.

This would be solved with a vending machine honestly! But there isn't one.

I'll know for next time.i suppose but I really think it's incredibley ridiculous that there is no system for ordering and paying for food in hospitals from the room. I'd quite happily pay a bill when I leave, but just not feeding me and not allowing me to find food is really crazy.