Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

[Elephantinthemoon]

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

Just a reminder that the benefits system suspends disability and carer benefits when someone claiming these is in hospital for 28 days or more the reason for this being that THE NHS IS CARING FOR THEM

I was in hospital 24 years ago, 19 month old with pneumonia, and 6 months' pregnant. Would have got nothing all day until DH got in, only one nurse took pity on me and slipped me some toast and Ribena.

This was in a specialist children's hospital and they didn't even have facilities to make a cup of tea.

This isn’t the case here though is it. OP went to A&E she didn’t say the child was fitting or was taken by ambulance. If your going to A&E you pack the essentials, especially with a child, nappies, bottles, formula, food..

FWIW the times I was most grateful we did extended breastfeeding was when my children were ill. Breast milk felt like a bit of a miracle when it was the only thing they could keep down. Ill children will also often breastfeed more often for comfort. And it seems as though this hospital isn’t bothering much with feeding the child either so it’s lucky she is.

I love the way people say pop down to the shop or vending machine.

The children's ward where I was was a good 15 minute walk from anywhere I could buy food (shop/cafe etc). The hospital was huge and long and thin and the children's ward at one end, the cafe at the other.

The thing is, they NEED the parents there. No parents mean they would need to employ 20 extra nurses or adults on the ward to watch the babies and toddlers.
I would have loved the opportunity to BUY something to eat. When you are there for weeks, it is just such a hassle.
Freezer and microwave in the parents room would be a start! Order and pay for meals and then 10 minutes to cook and eat when baby is napping.
(I should add that my 18 months old could easily climb out of the cot she was sleeping in, and once awke was constantly trying to rip the canula out of her hand, so even when she is napping supervision was an issue)

? The OP isn't in hospital. Her child is.

There needs to be a compromise somewhere....
If you aren't given food by the wards, then they can't expect you to not get up and leave the baby to go and eat.
You need to look after yourself so you can look after the baby.
Much of the problem is staffing levels not being able to watch your babe for a few mins (not talking long term) because you are clearly happy to pay for your own food.
This is terrible. What if you weren't able to come in and watch your son for some reason?
I'm not criticising the nurses, btw, just the NHS underfunding.

I was in hospital with my 10 week old who isn’t breastfed, unexpected stay - A&E offered me and partner food and drink while our baby was being checked. Then placed on a ward and although partner couldn’t stay I was offered breakfast, lunch, dinner (except Sundays!). There was also a parents room with sandwiches, bread, cereal and tea/coffee to help ourselves to.
Seems like different hospitals have different policies

Yes that was horrible.

@Clymene but she is being expected to be there to CARE as would a CARER for an ill relative or disabled child despite their DLA and therefore CARERS ALLOWANCE being suspended after 28 days in hospital Get it now?? Im pointing out that the state wants it both ways.

I think memorial is a GP if my memory serves me correctly

A parents room might have the makings for drinks and toast. I have been on many children's wards and food for breast feeding mothers was minimal/non existent.

In the morning just tell the nurses you are nipping to the hospital cafe and they'll keep an eye on him.

Around 5 months ago I was in A&E with dd who is 16, the wait was 25 hours for majors and we sat all night as did many others. Around 8 am a hca came round with an armful of sandwiches and gave one to everyone who's been waiting all night. There was a vending machine for hot drinks and cold water and a snacks machine but she still offered everyone a sandwich.
I'm surprised no one's offered you anything or at least asked you if you're sorted for food.
Even once she was admitted and was nil by mouth the tea trolley lady insisted I could have a hot drink whenever she came round.

And the reason for stopping those benefits is because the NHS IS DEEMED TO BE CARING FOR THEM

I just don’t understand how they can say this. What if you had other children to care for at home? Obviously everywhere is different but this wasn’t the case when my DS was in hospital recently. I was with him constantly but there were frequently babies on the ward without parents for various reasons.

Sorry, my mind is blown @Toddlerteaplease at your description of nurses caring for patients as “babysitting”. Are the hospital not the primary carers for their patients when admitted? What if a child does not have a parent who can stay with them 24/7 eg a single Mum with another child?

Yes, it has to be one or the other. Or a mechanism to allow parents to buy food (as ridiculous as that is.)

This must be happen really often so them not anticipating the issue is ridiculous too. ‘Just so you know, we’re not going to feed you, and we won’t let you leave either so you’ll need to find someone random to deliver food - who we may or may not let near enough the ward for you to receive it from. Good luck at this traumatic time with your basic needs!’

Not even taking into account that most people with a sick child will be in an emergency, unplanned situation where they probably haven’t been able to eat / plan ahead already after running the ‘how to get medical help’ gauntlet. It’s like an escape room.

Speak to the nurses, you do not need to stay with your child continuously, you can go and fetch food, even go home for a shower if you needed to but speak to them so they can keep an eye on your dc. Obviously most parents want tk be with their child as much as possible but the staff don't expect you to starve yourself.

Any further issues, phone PALs and/or the CEO's secretary. And loop in your MP.

If hospitals need parents to care, they need to feed them. To the numpty who said "who pays?" We all do and the majority have for far too long put up with sub-optimal standards based on the utter lie that the NHS is free. It is not - it is funded by the people for the people.

Vive la revolution.

This!

They can't have it both ways really. Either you need to be allowed to pop out to grab your own food, or it needs to be provided. I'm glad you at least got a sandwich OP.

You don't necessarily know you're going to A&E in advance!!! In our case, we went to the GP and were advised to go straight to children's A&E where my limp and extremely ill toddler was put straight onto a drip. We didn't have time to pass go, collect £200 or do a full shop in Tesco!

Why are so many on this site so lacking in comprehension? I'd never had a child sick and in hospital, so it hadn't occurred to me to check out the facilities in advance!! I didn't notice either than I hadn't had anything to eat or drink until my poorly baby was stabilised!

I've been in exactly this situation before too, and it's really really crap. It's bad enough being in hospital without hunger and dehydration on top. It's all very well posters saying why didn't you pack things, but often when you are in A&E it's been an unplanned emergency! In my situation I think I didn't eat that first day and night, and then when a relative finally was able to visit, I dashed to the hospital shop and really filled my bag with food that could keep!

That same first time my son was admitted, I was in a panic because I had no childcare for my other children who were at school, and they kept telling me not to worry, I could go home and it was their job to look after my son, and that is what some people have to do. Thankfully a school friend offered to have my children overnight, but if they can find the staff to look after a toddler then they can watch him while he sleeps while you nip to the shop/collect a takeaway from reception. Or while he is asleep, is there another parent awake on the ward you can ask to watch him? I was brave enough to do this by my second and third hospital say with my son when I needed to go to the toilet.

After the first time I kept a bag of non perishable snacks, clean underwear, toothbrush, deodorant and phone charger in a bag ready prepped for about 2 years by the front door, but thankfully it's been 3 years since our series of hospital stays!

I did. She's great. Really like her. Strong woman who married a man (FIL) who might be the most un-sexist man I have ever met in my life. When they had DH and DSIL, it was FIL who left work and looked after them for 5 years. Both were Deputy Heads- she in a secondary school and he in a primary. He ended up as a Head. They are just equals in the relationship. She's a real doer, has lots of interests, is kind but outspoken, never intrudes in our lives but we like to see them lots and they really help us. When my mam died, she was the only person I could bear helping me sort out my mam's house. They moved up here from Yorkshire after we had DS1 and I was worried they would end up taking over our lives but they never have - they're wonderful grandparents. She's really good company too- funny, bright, informed.

It must be an issue with the nurses across Merseyside (I have relatives in nearly every hospital). There are toasters in the kitchens but it depends on how close they are to the wards. Hospital layout varies. There's usually crackers and cheese and biscuits knocking about. The three hospitals that I know well would feed a BF Mother and will feed relatives under some circumstances.