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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 23:09

TheHateIsNotGood · 27/03/2023 23:05

Well thank goodness for the student nurse who had the good sense and kindness to find you a sandwich. Unfortunately once she becomes qualified it's highly likely that her common sense and kindness will be knocked out of her.

I saw it happen to a sister of mine, once she got her paid-for degree on full salary it was like she got a personality transplant, incapable of caring or being kind unless her job title included it and she was paid; never mind the power-tripping and other wierd behaviour.

Who in reality could stand by and tell a mother caring for and breastfeeding a sick child that they can't be given any food and nor could they leave their sick child to find some food.

Of fuck off

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/03/2023 23:10

Not sure when you were last there. My DC has been admitted frequently in the last couple of years unfortunately and I have never been offered breakfast or dinner.

It was before the pandemic - I hope things haven't changed for the worse more recently.

Dinosaurus86 · 27/03/2023 23:10

Some of the replies on this thread! It’s an awful situation OP and one that appears time and again. I assume because of shortage of nurses.

And while older babies will normally eat other food, that is not always the case. When my 15 month old is sick, he refuses anything but breastmilk.

OP if nurses aren’t forthcoming (if you don’t want to leave the room then I would press the buzzer for help), then I’d try to get a Deliveroo up to the ward.

TheHateIsNotGood · 27/03/2023 23:12

well, i think Wimbourne illustrates perfectly the problems with kindness and care in the NHS.

MotherOfHouseplants · 27/03/2023 23:12

Livelovebehappy · 27/03/2023 22:45

I’ve been in this situation before. Just ask nursing staff to watch your child whilst you go to he cafe/shop in the hospital to pick something up to bring back to the ward. Child should obviously be fed by the hospital but people with the patient should just go pick up their own stuff from the on-site cafes/shops.

Read OP’s update. She has been told she cannot leave her child as the ward doesn’t have the staff to supervise him while she is gone.

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:13

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/03/2023 23:07

In other words, they could have a parent come in with a 3yr old, say they're still breastfeeding (as if!) and expect slap up meals and room service. They're not a hotel.

The macaroni cheese and chips I was given was hardly a slap up meal (though it was very appreciated after a stressful surgery and an unexpected extended hospital stay with a very distressed child with complex needs). It’s a bad day when basic humanity (ensuring parents can eat while caring for a hospitalised child) is considered the height of luxury.

I never said the NHS 'give' slap up meals. I said people would 'expect' it.

Reading comprehension is everything

Schoolchoicesucks · 27/03/2023 23:13

It's shit, OP. In an ideal world, yes they would feed any parent caring for a young DC, breastfed or not. And they would have enough nursing and health care staff to watch the children while you nipped to the shop/for a shower/vending machine.

Sadly it's not like that.
I imagine at 20 months, they're not assuming DC is breastfed as a significant source of nutrition and wouldn't be expecting to have to feed you.

Shit that they missed his dinner.

Glad you have eaten something. I hope you can stock up tomorrow, arrange for supplies to be dropped off, agree swaps with other parents on the ward.

I agree that you can nip for 5 minutes to the toilet or to a vending machine for something while DC sleeps or another parent watches them.

steppemum · 27/03/2023 23:13

my dd was in hospital aged 18 months. I couldn't leave her, as she was up mobile and active and needed constant supervision.

We were there for 7 days, and no they didn't feed me.
Dh was 30 miles away with 2 older kids, aged 4 and 6, so couldn't bring me food.

The nurses were sympathetic, so I would hand her over and go and get food from the cafe, eg at lunch get hot food and buy sanwiches for later.
It cost me so much money, it really wasn't funny. Ironically she couldn't eat anything except protein shake things (which I brought in with me, and then they got up on prescription to the ward) so I could have eaten her meals!
The wonderful tea trolley lady did bring me tea though.

It is a bit shit.
They needed me there 24/7 to look after her. But there was no provision for me at all apart from a pull out bed. (difficult to wash/shower etc)

For the next 18 months I was with her in hospital once every 3 weeks, from 7am - 7pm. Nothing for me, not even a cup of tea. I had to bring it all in. Again, they needed me there to look after her, but then didn't provide anything to support me being there. After her procedure, she could eat, but it was never at a meal time and they only had sondwiches, which she couldn't eat. Eventually after our 3rd or 4th visit, one of the nurses asked for baby purees to be available, so she had food (obviously I brought food in for her, but I just thought as she was the patient maybe they should provide something.....)

I am still benused by the crap food situation in the NHS. Good nutrition is basis of healthy body!

JenniferBooth · 27/03/2023 23:13

Well it took till page 12 this time but we finally got "its not a hotel"

FoodieToo · 27/03/2023 23:13

Isuppose · 27/03/2023 23:05

Not sure when you were last there. My DC has been admitted frequently in the last couple of years unfortunately and I have never been offered breakfast or dinner.

Show quote history

It was 2020 and we were in for 2 months .

Shz · 27/03/2023 23:13

No they don’t have to feed you but perhaps will of you ask
You could leave child with nurse to go to the shop
You keep saying you have nobody to help you but then say you have a partner- surely they would bring things for you given the emergency situation

704703hey · 27/03/2023 23:14

@WimbourneWasps you have had a bad experience. Personally I think they should have just said to you rather than make it a formal written thing, the work atmosphere sounds awful

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:14

@WimbourneWasps

You can say F off to PP but you cannot possibly say she is wrong!! I've never once met a compassionate HCP in 39 years

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:15

Dinosaurus86 · 27/03/2023 23:10

Some of the replies on this thread! It’s an awful situation OP and one that appears time and again. I assume because of shortage of nurses.

And while older babies will normally eat other food, that is not always the case. When my 15 month old is sick, he refuses anything but breastmilk.

OP if nurses aren’t forthcoming (if you don’t want to leave the room then I would press the buzzer for help), then I’d try to get a Deliveroo up to the ward.

Which proves beyond doubt that they categorically shouldn't be breast fed at that age imo

Isuppose · 27/03/2023 23:15

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/03/2023 23:10

Not sure when you were last there. My DC has been admitted frequently in the last couple of years unfortunately and I have never been offered breakfast or dinner.

It was before the pandemic - I hope things haven't changed for the worse more recently.

You must have been at least a year before the pandemic. I've been in there numerous times since 2020 and have never been offered a breakfast/dinner or even a glass of water.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/03/2023 23:18

*I never said the NHS 'give' slap up meals. I said people would 'expect' it.

Reading comprehension is everything*

I don’t see anyone on this thread expecting slap up meal, simply wanting to either have some kind of food provided, or the opportunity to be able to go and get something while their child has some kind of supervision.

Reading comprehension is indeed everything, humanity it seems is an added extra.

Mum23amazingkids · 27/03/2023 23:18

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:56

Ok I'll bite.

We as a ward get x amount of budget to feed x amount of children 3 x a day. This comes out of the ward budget, see also blood test tubes, bp cuffs, detergent, all the clinical things like iv sets, blood giving sets, cannulas etc.

Are you gonna pay the short fall at the end of the year because that ward fed every parent and adult sized meal and then they have to borrow money for actual clinical items?

It's shit I'm not saying it's not shit but unfortunately the ward budget doesn't stretch that far. That's before you get to the scenario where the parent of child A orders cottage pie for themselves and child A and then they get discharged so go home and then the parent of child B who's gone into that bed space complains because they don't eat cottage pie and neither does their kid so could they have nuggets or a jacket potato. So that's 4 meals that have been served because 2 were declined by parent and child B.

Who pays for this?

I worked on a cancer ward for children and we were so lucky to be able to get on demand pizza and nuggets or whatever because kids on chemo need to eat what they want when they want but then we had to say to parents it's for your child not you because it was funded by a charity and not the nhs.

I struggled so much working on that ward because in my head if you're a parent of a child with cancer then anything we can do as staff is perfect but housekeeper took pleasure in telling parents that the food and drink in the kitchen was for children and not patients.

The worst moment was when a couple were told their child had cancer and I asked the housekeeper to make a tea and a coffee whilst I liaise with the dr and answer any questions the parents had and she told me in front of the parents that the parents had to make their own drink in the parents room.

I made the drinks myself and reported her to the band 7 because it's literally her job to make drinks and make the lives of parents who have a child with cancer a tiny bit better. It really pissed me off.

I'm a specialised cancer nurse who deals with children with cancer and because of that and ordering the meal for the parents of a child dying with cancer and being disciplined for it I now work entirely in outpatients because the ward politics are just hideous

Show quote history

Sorry but I won’t agree with you and you telling me others don’t have food makes it even more ridiculous. Everyone obligated to stay in a ward needs food , no excuses you want to give are justifiable .
And please let me assure you I’m nit telling you this to be rude or attack you but to just like you agree that a budget that doesn’t allow proper nutrition to patients and carers is massive fail on the nhs . And once more I’m in no way blaming you or your staff . Just those who budget

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 23:18

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:14

@WimbourneWasps

You can say F off to PP but you cannot possibly say she is wrong!! I've never once met a compassionate HCP in 39 years

Oh right so because you've never met a compassionate hcp ever means they don't exist? Yep definitely go to work for money 💰. Im off work because I have advanced cancer but if I was in work I'd be striking

Okaaaay · 27/03/2023 23:20

Really sorry for you OP. I was shocked by this when I was in hospital with my 1 year old. He was fed to be fair, but there was no provision for parents at all (and I couldn’t leave him as it was made clear to me that he was my responsibility at all times). I don’t know why (I work in the NHS) but I found the whole holistic care completely lacking. It was a case of ‘we’re here to fix your medical issue but otherwise not able to provide any other care’. I was even expected to change his bed sheets when he did a wee on them. Maybe this is all totally reasonable, but it’s really hard to deal with when you’re going through a very difficult time with no sleep. I did have a partner who was in and out, but we also had another child and lived 30 mins drive away. The second time we had to stay in I was much better prepared.

Isuppose · 27/03/2023 23:20

FoodieToo · 27/03/2023 23:13

It was 2020 and we were in for 2 months .

Show quote history

Well I am sorry to say it has changed. I was going to say for the worse but I don't really think it is their role to feed parents, just the patients themselves.

My DC has been admitted a number of times over the last three years and either DH or I stay for the duration - up to two weeks at a time ie we don't swap over. Neither of us have ever been offered anything.

I'm sorry to read your DC was in hospital for two months. I hope everything is now ok.

Mum23amazingkids · 27/03/2023 23:22

Redglitter · 27/03/2023 22:45

My Mum got sandwiches when I did after we'd been in A&E for 8 hours waiting for a bed in a ward for me. Wonder if Scottish policy is different or maybe we were at the same hospital 😊

Show quote history

Ours was Aberdeen . I honestly struggle to understand how anyone allows this to happen , for sure human decency is pay if nhs

Shz · 27/03/2023 23:22

Having read updates- have you flat out told them you haven’t eaten for x hours (you may assume they realise, they msy have no clue how ling the wait to get to ward was etc) and therefore what do they suggest if they have said you cannot leave your child at all to get food supplies? Can they possibly bring you something from the shop if you give them money? Also unsure why if the little one is continually seizing he isn’t under medical observation as opposed to being left in a room with just you (assuming you don’t have medical training?)

in my experience nurses are usually very helpful so i can only assume they are genuinely overwhelmed workwise?

TodayShow · 27/03/2023 23:24

memorial · 27/03/2023 21:25

I'm sorry you're being ridiculous. Go and ask a nurse for food/how to get food/watch the baby so you can go to the cafe etc. Order a pizza. You're a grown woman I'm sure you can manage.

Every time I think I’ve seen the most callous response on here, someone raises the bar. Congratulations on what you’ve excelled at as a grown woman.

OP - this is awful and I’m so sorry.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/03/2023 23:24

You must have been at least a year before the pandemic. I've been in there numerous times since 2020 and have never been offered a breakfast/dinner or even a glass of water.

Maybe it was because DS was admitted while we were over from London? I guess if we lived up the road they may not have offered. Although the parents room on the ward was full of food too so I would have survived.

caringcarer · 27/03/2023 23:24

Ring a pizza delivery and get them to drop at reception for you. Just pop down and collect as your child is asleep. Feed child pizza when it wakes up.