To ask you to tell me how I should split childcare with DH! We can't agree!!!

[Questionnn]

DH and I are in disagreement over a fair way to divide child caring responsibilities between us, so would like to ask you wise MNs how you would divide it if this was in your household?

Dh has a 'big job' and I have just returned from mat leave to a PT role, previously worked FT.

Dh and I split weekends so each gets a day - one of us Saturday and one of us Sunday. On 'our day' at weekend, we are not responsible for the baby eg feeds, nappy changes etc and have the opportunity of a lay in etc.

On Dhs 'day' he chooses to get up early to go to a hobby he could do at a different time but likes to miss the traffic so leaves house at 7.30am. I don't have any hobbies so on my 'day' choose a lay in or to leave house early with him to take baby out for the morning so we are back in time for baby's lunch and nap. I will also do a bit of housework and cook dinner.

Can you tell me who you think should do

1. bath and bedtime
2. night time wakings
3. sorting baby in the morning

for each day...

Monday- DH works from home 9-6. I am at home all day with baby.

Tuesday and Wednesday - DH is at work, leaves for train 6.20am and gets back 7pm. He doesn't see baby at all.
I get baby up and sort us both, do nursery drop before going to work, then collect baby. One week I have short shifts so have about 2 hours to myself to do housework etc each day, one week I work all day. I do bath and bedtime.

Thursday - DH is at work, leaves for train 6.20am and gets back 7pm. He doesn't see baby at all. I am at home all day with baby, do bath and bedtime.

Friday - DH works from home 8-5/9-6. DH drops baby to nursery for 8am, comes home and picks baby up from nursery after he finishes wfh. I have to leave at 8am for work and get home around baby's bath and bedtime.

Weekends we each get a day off.

I can't imagine how this odd set up could work if you had more children. A 10 month old really isn't that much "work".

Also where did lay in come from? It's lie in, no?

Oh stop it with your completely normal respectful relationship.

It's like you both pull together and look out for each other, like you don't begrudge the other having any downtime.

If you carry on tile this, you'll end up happily married in 20 years time, is that what you want?

(What you've described is exactly how it should be!).

Like not tile!

I think it's a sad set up. If I didn't see my child two days a week I would want to spend more time with them not less and would push for a later bedtime so I could at least get some cuddle time and do the bedtime mayelf. I get it's hard when your child still wakes several times, we had 2 under 2 who didn't sleep through till they got to 2 but we pulled together as a team. Dh did 3 nights a week where he woke with the baby and I 4 nights. He would want to take over as soon as he stepped through the door having missed our dd and I was the same on my working days. We got our downtime once she was asleep. You only have one child and at 10 months I'm not sure what is so difficult. Competitive parenting isn't a great place to be in, everyone gets tired but he is no more deserving of rest because he work full time, he already has days where he doesn't spend any time with baby.