If your DC failed their GCSEs what are they doing now?

[Amber53]

Posting here for traffic.

I’ve been scouring past MN threads about this subject and often wonder what the future held for the DC who didn’t do well.

Reason being, DS who has struggled with MH, suicidal ideation, diagnosed ADHD and in the ASD pathway, bullied, will most likely leave school without any GCSEs. He’s had an horrendous time throughout really.

My main objective is to work with him and help with his MH. Bottom line is, when he’s away from the school environment he’s a different person, so he’s currently doing online lessons. When in school his MH declines, so we’re thankful he only has weeks left.

I can’t help but worry about the future though without GCSEs. I keep this hidden from him of course, but as a parent it’s only natural to worry about these things.

Can I ask anyone who has been through similar how your DC are doing now? How did they navigate the next step?

As DC now have to continue their education, I just don’t know what we should be encouraging next. DS doesn’t really know what he wants to do. He said he’d just like to work, earn money. I think the reality might be easier said than done, although I understand this viewpoint as he’s had such a negative experience so far. Why would he want to go onto somewhere he thinks will be just the same I.e college, 6th form etc.

We are currently trying to apply for an EHCP, although it’s going to be a long battle judging by the many things I’ve read. Too late to help with the current secondary school situation but might help for the future?

If anyone could share their experiences or offer any help it would be much appreciated.

Morning @Amber53 . My DS is almost 18 now and he really struggled with year 11 which he was in during peak lockdown. He didn't have quite the MH issues that your DS has but he was very anxious whenever he did have to go into school and he did not do at all well with online learning. He really needs someone present to help him with written work and he got all 3s for his GCSEs apart from one 4.

He went to college for year 12 and is now in his second year - he's doing a vocational course plus Maths & English again. The first year he was quite quiet and still quite anxious but this year he is a different lad. Getting a job has made all the difference to him. He works in McDonalds part time and although it was a huge step for him, it has done him so much good. He has lost weight (not that it was an issue before and we never talked about his weight), he is more confident and outgoing and he has started to make a group of friends. We have also got him a face to face tutor and hope this will be the year he can finally say goodbye to maths and english which he hates!!

I think the key for us was 'just' lots of patience, kindness and understanding. We didn't force him to make any decisions about his future but we did set some minimums for him - he had to go to college or find a job, he understood that we would not fund him to stay at home and stay on his xbox all day - that would have been his choice if he'd been able to.

I say 'just' because it was hard going. I am good at dealing with the anxiety and uncertainty but DH is more patient with the indecision and times when he appears to be slacking off. It's so hard to know if you're being too hard or to soft and it's exhausting to see them suffering and so unsure of the world around them.

He still needs some reassurance and help with some things but I hope we are gradually teaching him to take responsibility and enable him to have control over his decision.

I send you so much love and support - I am so proud of my DS and all he has overcome. Your DS will get there - I think the biggest thing we did for DS was to remove the specific expectations he assumed we had. As I say, some boundaries to stop him from festering in his room but not too much pressure.

My sister did poorly at GCSE level but went on to college for carpentry. She did have to redo her English and Maths GCSEs as part of being enrolled on the course but I think doing mainly manual/hands on work made the educational environment much easier for her to handle.

My D's had ADHD quite severely. He left school with just a BTEC award worth 4 GCSEs. It was all coursework and his teacher made him lose lunch breaks if he was behind, which is why it got finished tbh. He is now a class 1 lorry driver and has a great work ethic. When he first left school he worked for an employment agency and got sacked from about 6 jobs. Then he met his gf and she basically told him he would have to up his game if he wanted to date her. He did up his game. He started working for a delivery company who paid for him to be trained as class 2 driver. After four years of doing well he saved and paid for himself to do class 1 training and test. He loves his job because he is delivering somewhere different everyday. Also it is amazing how much incentive the money they earn is to keep working.

Oh, I forgot to say. My sister became a boat builder and carpenter.

I failed mine, I now have a degree and am a registered nurse. Sometimes the time isn’t right at 16/17 years old

Should also add I have autism and ADHD

I went to college to do an alternative course to A levels (think hair and beauty/childcare/health and social care diploma..) And there were a couple of people on my course who didn't get Maths or English or both at gcse and the college accepted them on the basis they would get an adult qualification in those subjects alongside the college course, so they had to come back in the evening I think once or twice a week to do adult Maths/English at the same time. Maybe something like that could be an option, depending on what your son wants to do.

I failed my GCSEs took a job as a waitress in a pub on leaving school, then used that experience to get an office based customer service job and moved up from there. Education will always be there to pick up when they can. For now focus on getting them well and stable.

My DD is in her second year at agricultural college studying animal care. She's doing level 1 which is a lower level than she would have done if she wasn't unwell. She missed all y11 with MH issues and is still recovering.

DS did badly, ASD, dyspraxia and dysgraphia made school life difficult. He always said he was going to be a falconer and he is, he now manages a falconry centre and does public displays at country shows. He still can't hold down a conversation mind you but he can talk for hours about nature. He now talks about doing an OU degree at some point, possibly in archeology, another passion of his.

My husband failed most of his GCSEs he got a job as a school caretaker and is now a site manager for three schools.

I think, not sure, that my DN has one GCSE. He has always had driving jobs, so Amazon delivery driver, coach driver, bus driver type things. He's never out of work!

My oldest son didn’t fail his GCSEs but he wasn’t/ isn’t particularly academic and got fairly low grades. He did a pluming apprenticeship and hasn’t had a day of unemployment since he was 16. He’s now a London black cab driver after 4 years of doing The Knowledge. He has bought his own flat in a nice London borough and is earning well

#plumbing

My brother failed all of this (he has severe ADHD which at that point was undiagnosed). He worked a series of minimum wage jobs and then went back to college in his late 20s to do an access to higher education course, which enabled him to go to uni.

He's now a qualified and registered psychotherapist.

My eldest didn't fail his GCSEs but he got the bare minimum to do a level 2 college course. He had no idea what he wanted to do, in short he had no motivation to do anything. He ended up doing Catering at college. College really increased his self confidence. He then did the level 3 Catering despite not enjoying the subject. He failed this and at the same time was diagnosed with ADHD. He got a job in catering and bumbled along for a while. The anti social hours got to him in the end and he joined an agency who got him a job in Catering but in a workplace. Three years later he took a sidewats step into IT with that sound company and his career has flown!

I would concentrate on his maths and English online. Those are the only important ones. The DC l know who did poorly at GCSE went onto apprenticeships. They can be abit lonely compared with college but if he struggles to connect with his peers it could be a good option for him.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply so far.

I’m at work now but will read through each and every reply later.

Thank you

Dd’s friend failed everything but is bright, bubbly and very popular. She did a course in housing along with English/maths then worked in a call centre, took another qualification and is now doing well for herself. As a previous poster said, sometimes 16 is too young.

They can come back to education when they're ready.
My DSis got 2 GCSE passes.
She nannied/worked in nurseries. After having her own DC she didn't want to work with kids anymore , so took an entry level job with a train company. Worked her way up until she needed a degree to progress. They sponsored her to get one. She's now in a corporate management role earning far more than me (traditional route to university and HCP).

My 18 year old is autistic/PDA. Went to Medical Needs Teaching Service (couldn’t manage many hours) and despite being very bright did not achieve GCSES. She’s now at the most nurturing/supportive college. Really small group for autistic young people, re-taking maths and English plus some other subjects. She will probably go onto A Levels when she gets round to sitting her GCSES (attendance still hit and miss)

She has gradually built up her confidence, made new friends and now loves going out at weekends. This has been more important than obtaining GCSES. She rarely expresses suicidal ideation anymore.

She does have an EHCP so has plenty of time for GCSES/A levels. There’s no pressure from me, she has aspirations that would require them.

It really feels like we have managed to get out of a bleak, dark place and seeing my happy girl back is priceless. She will get to wherever she needs or wants to be under her own time.

I know a couple of people who did very badly at school, one was a care leaver who was completely failed by her shitty parents and the system, she is now a general manager at a trendy cocktail bar.

Another friend of mine just is not academic in the slightest but is such a people person. She works in sales and makes fortunes

Ds's friend (probably undiagnosed ADHD his parent has ADHD and he clearly has traits) went to college on a vocational Level 2 course & re-took his maths and English. He then went onto a Level 3 course, smashed it and is now at uni studying music.

Another friend was similar, took a Level 2 course and went onto the Level 3 afterwards. Didn't do so well on the Level 3 but passed and is now working at a gym as a lifeguard and trainee personal fitness instructor

My clever cousin had a major teenage rebellion and left home just after GCSEs (OK but not good grades). They ran off with horrid partner and got job waiting tables. After a couple of years they got fed up seeing older siblings earning more, left partner and put themselves through FE while working and got to Uni. Did a degree and worked in basic jobs related to degree, still wasn’t happy, so worked hard again and got back into Uni for a ‘wow’ degree (think lawyer, Dr, architect etc). Now very successful in that WOW profession.
This cousin needed more time to find out who they were, and in their case, mature a bit more. Just using this as example of a non-standard academic route.

My son left school at 13 after mental health issues and suicide ideation. He got an ASD diagnosis and started at a 14-16 college and passed his English and Maths there.
He then went on to do a course at normal college and is now nearly at the end of his first year at university.