If your DC failed their GCSEs what are they doing now?

[Amber53]

Posting here for traffic.

I’ve been scouring past MN threads about this subject and often wonder what the future held for the DC who didn’t do well.

Reason being, DS who has struggled with MH, suicidal ideation, diagnosed ADHD and in the ASD pathway, bullied, will most likely leave school without any GCSEs. He’s had an horrendous time throughout really.

My main objective is to work with him and help with his MH. Bottom line is, when he’s away from the school environment he’s a different person, so he’s currently doing online lessons. When in school his MH declines, so we’re thankful he only has weeks left.

I can’t help but worry about the future though without GCSEs. I keep this hidden from him of course, but as a parent it’s only natural to worry about these things.

Can I ask anyone who has been through similar how your DC are doing now? How did they navigate the next step?

As DC now have to continue their education, I just don’t know what we should be encouraging next. DS doesn’t really know what he wants to do. He said he’d just like to work, earn money. I think the reality might be easier said than done, although I understand this viewpoint as he’s had such a negative experience so far. Why would he want to go onto somewhere he thinks will be just the same I.e college, 6th form etc.

We are currently trying to apply for an EHCP, although it’s going to be a long battle judging by the many things I’ve read. Too late to help with the current secondary school situation but might help for the future?

If anyone could share their experiences or offer any help it would be much appreciated.

My DS has ADD. He passed English and Maths GCSE but no others so went to college and did one year and got another four level 2 subjects. Went onto do a BTEC but didn’t like college and dropped out after one year.

He started an apprenticeship as a car technician 6 months before covid. The people there were horrible. He came home one day and said he’s going to go to university. He did a years Access to HE course which he passed and is now at university studying Mechanical Engineering.

DS struggled through school and college due to his ADD but as he has matured he can manage this and is now loving the course. He started uni at 22 and there are plenty around his age.

It’s not the end of the world if he does not pass his GCSEs at this stage, there are plenty of alternatives going forward, he needs to find the route which suits him.

Cousin left school with none, did an apprenticeship as a mechanic, can now fix anything, works mainly on big vehicles like haulage trucks. Bought a house which he now rents out as he’s off in Oz working, travelling.
he’s highly skilled and can move their permanent if he fancies it.

Another cousin - another apprenticeship - hair and beauty. Has her own very successful salon.
Good friend - all sorts of issues learning at school, has one BTEC in art - became a photographer and works on big ad campaigns. Very happy, very good at her job.

I think any sort of apprenticeship. The college place on day release plus the plumber to work with. Will never be unemployed.

Unfortunately the two apprenticeships DS was a little interested in require five GCSEs 😓

I think as someone earlier mentioned (apologies can’t remember who) a possible part time college course, alongside a part time job might be an option?

A part time college course will probably not be an option due to funding. They have to be 'full time'.
However full time at college will only be 3-4 days, and so a part time job along side that should be do-able.
Especially if he has got his English and/or maths GCSE already.

The good thing about college is it has given DD more recovery time. She wouldn't have been able to hold down a job because her MH is so up and down.

You may be surprised re EHCP, ours sailed through, but we had clear evidence she wasn't coping and college saying they couldn't make further adjustments without an EHCP.

my sister got barely any and is now a police officer who loves her job. My DH got english and maths only and now is extremely successful in sales - earns almost triple what I do and I've done post grad study.

Look into colleges and see what courses they offer. Even if he believes that animal care stuff would lead to low wage jobs he may well benefit from the boost of doing something he actually enjoys. He could be in a low wage job but then side step into something else because he will then have some transferable skills or work his way up to a higher paid job in that field. GCSEs and school settings are not right for everyone.

Although they state that children should be in education or training until 18 no one is knocking on doors and strong-arming children into colleges. There have been a few MNetters over the last few years who have not had their child go immediately into college to spend a year recovering MH wise. Funding is available from 16-19. You don't get written off at 16 if you don't have maths and English GCSE. Some students absolutely thrive at college compared to school.

I am sorry your son has had a horrible time but he clearly has a loving family who care about him. I wish him well in his exams.

@WhatWouldHopperDo just having five to read through some of the earlier posts on this thread and want to thank you, such an inspiring story.

Well done to your DS. I wish him all the best for the future!

@Whatsallthisabout thank you.

DS, I’m sure, would thrive doing something involving wildlife. I would love him to embrace this passion and run with it, I have no doubt it would help him mentally, it’s just searching for the right course, somewhere he would feel valued.

He really could do with a MH gap year, to take stock and find his calling.

One day…..

@TeenDivided in my mind I think that’s what I was meaning but it came out wrong when I typed it. Not part time but 3-4 day per wk college course, rather than back 5 days per week.

It sounds like college has been great for your DD, thank you for sharing this and I’m glad the EHCP process when smoothly for you. Keeping my fingers crossed that, with everything DS has struggled with, they will see that we really need the support in place for him to move on from the past few years. I remain hopeful, really have to be right now.

I’m not fully aware of the support the EHCP (if awarded) will give DS but I’m
hoping it provides enough for him to get by, that’s all we want.

He can take a gap year, funding is until they are 19, talk to the colleges about admission at 17 due to MH, explain he is not in school at present and learning online. Would he want a break?

Could he volunteer locally for anything wildlife related? As I said look at what colleges are offering courses wise and see if anything sparks an interest. He has options.

@Whatsallthisabout it’s all so much in the air at the moment.

There has been so much he’s had to contend with, I don’t think he really knows what he wants to do.

What he would love is a group of supportive friends, something he’s never really had. This is why (in my head) I’d love him to find the perfect course, find new friends, genuine people, people he doesn’t need to change for, people who are there for him and vice versa.

@Amber53 Well college brings a mix of people from all different schools so hopefully he might find his crowd. Also anything club wise where he can connect online where he can find people who like the same things as him. I do understand the overwhelming choice that is out there for the next step. There is usually around 10 weeks after GCSE exams before any college starts which gives them a much needed break from school work. That might be a good thing for him to have some down time and maybe have a think about what he wants.

He can always apply somewhere and decide not to go, to change course etc, if he signs up he isn't committed to attending if he decides to take a break. If he doesn't pass maths and English he will get to try again hopefully in a more supported environment of college.

I did OK at gcse but fucked up my a levels and never completed my nursing diploma. Had mental health problems and a breakdown

I'm now a secondary school science technician and working towards higher level teaching assistant

Not my DC, but my DH. His experience is obviously a long time ago, but might help you to feel more hopeful for the future. He hated school and left with one CSE in technical drawing (I did say it was a long time ago!). He failed everything else. He did various low level jobs until aged 30 he decided to give education another go. He did English and Maths at evening class and then was made redundant so went back to college and did an access to further education type course. After that he went to university and got a degree in archaeology. He was an archaeologist for a while, then he went on to become a lecturer in computing at degree level. He is proof that its never too late!

@Amber53 my youngest was home educated throughout his high school years due to severe mental health issues and a suicide threat/attempts at age 10. He didn’t sit GCSEs (did some adult literacy and numeracy certificates as part of a college course for home educated young people) as I’d rather he was happy and healthy and doing anything rather than stressed out and suicidal.

he’s now 23, definitely happy and healthy. He does freelance graphic design, photography and videography work. He’s written courses on professional esports strategy that brings in some money. Does bits and bobs as opportunities arise.

we looked at online and community courses that were accredited and some that weren’t. over his school years we did hundreds of MOOC courses. He reached out to people that inspired or interested him for feedback, experience and shadowing them.

I support and encourage him to think outside the box on how to turn passions and interests and existing skills into money making opportunities.

Could your son get some work or do something from home AND find an online course that’s accredited and fulfils any educational requirements? Open University have various levels of modules and units - so you can pick and mix what interests you.

Wow what an interesting job he has! You must be very proud of him.

I think this will be such an important thread to so many people. my ds (Asd with probable adhd) did get the 5 simply because we focused solely on 5, incl. English and maths, and last year they got pre information for the exams - some of which was more helpful than others.
it wasn’t enough to do a levels at his quite academic school and realistically the amount of intensive support to just scrape those 5 (one only became a pass on a re-mark) meant there’s no way he would have been able to do them independently. I felt sad about that because history was one thing he really enjoyed and was the only one he got a 6 in - but even that required lots of drilling on the large parts of the syllabus he wasn’t interested in and I suspect that would have been worse at a level. He wasn’t bothered though did want to stay at sixth form, was terrified of starting again at college and school finally offered him some poorly thought through b techs (it’s an a level kind of school). It really didn’t work out and he left just before half term but on his own terms and I think he felt fine about it.
he really just wanted a job! He has now started an apprenticeship as a trainee chef in a chain and although we aren’t completely clear what’s going on with it (because unlike school we aren’t told anything and he is quite secretive about it) he seems to be getting on with it, is happy and relaxed. It’s actually a level 2 so no need for the 5. It’s funny because he is completely fearless about walking into a job (I was so proud of the way he just went for interviews with no stress at all, polite, confident) where in a school and college environment he was anxious, on edge and defensive. Although he did have friends at school he said he just finds the fact that unlike school at work no one is all teamed up and competitive (he has not yet experienced offices politics 😂) much easier to deal with - as an autistic kid he finds the rule of adults much more predictable and easier to deal with I guess.
It’s the start of the journey for him and I imagine there will be lots of bumps on the way.
I was really quite academic myself and ostensibly now very successful in a job I am passionate about - but it’s also incredibly stressful - his ambitions are different and he has said to me on a number of occasions - I love you mum but I am not you, I don’t want the things you wanted, I just want to make a bit of money, not loads and have my (insert obsessive interest).
I just think there are many life paths - and this is as much a learning process for me about challenging my own prejudices and beliefs on what success is - as it is for him.
x

@bloodywhitecat your post is one I meant to come back to also, there’s been so many fantastic stories.

Your DS sounds amazing and has achieved what he set out to do. This would probably be DS’s dream job, being able to handle birds of prey on a daily basis!

Could I ask which route he went down to become a falconer?

My son got expelled from school due to their inability to cope with his severe adhd - so left with no GCSEs at all.
he went to college at 16 to do level one maths and English . Then stayed another three years to do level two and three childcare . Eventually started his degree - albeit a few years later than his peers - but is now a teacher .

He got on much better at college as they treated him differently . School was not for him !

One of my close friends teaches adult maths and English to people who failed gcse but need it for work and firstly she’s lovely, and secondly, it’s very common, she says none of them can’t do it, they either were just not ready at 16, or didn’t associate studying with working, or are just really unconfident.
She gets them all through it.

Thankyou for this (old) thread…. my ds has no diagnosis but going into Y11 in Sept and has really struggled to focus and do any meaningful work. By the end of last term his concentration at all time low, mock grades poor and now found out he’s vaping 😞. I haven’t been on mumsnet for years but this could be a godsend for the coming year 🙏🙏🙏

Mine got good GCSE's and grades ABC at A level but is working at Tesco (age 21) - she is ADHD and ASD and is working in a job below her 'potential' but part time Tesco is all she can handle (otherwise gets overwhelmed and burnt out)

This is such a wonderful thread. Two of my dds have asd and adhd (1 has incredibly complex needs and won’t take any exams) and the other struggles academically. So it’s really nice to hear that there are options out there if you don’t get your GCSEs.