Teenager told me I “play the victim” all the time

[PiccaZ]

Which is exactly the same thing his father always accused me of.

So I genuinely am asking you all if IABU or not, am I playing the victim?

Ive been non stop all day, up at 7 to take teenager to the gym, food shopping, home, took other DC out for the day to a place they wanted to go to, home about 4, sorted school clothes, cleaned downstairs, packed lunches, school and home admin. Put dinner on. DS says he had a headache but no paracetamol in the house, I go out to get paracetamol, come home and he asks for berroca, go back out and get bloody berroca. Finally sit down with a glass of wine and DD comes in “what time is dinner” - explain about 20 mins. Then 2nd DD comes in “what time is dinner” - 20 bloody minutes, then DS comes in “what time is dinner” - FGS it’s 20 BLOODY MINUTES.

DS then accuses me of always being grumpy , I explained it was the 3rd time I’d been asked within the space of 2 mins, I’m trying to have a quiet glass of wine whilst cooking, it Will be ready when it’s bloody ready

and then I get the “oh poor mummy always playing the victim”

AIBU here? Ok he didn’t know I’d already been asked twice before so probably wondered why he was getting shouted at, I get that

Sounds like he's picked up his father's attitude and possibly far too much time online watching other misogynistic pricks.

No you're not
They are just at that bloody irritating stage of only thinking of themselves

You seem to be running around a lot after older kids/teens

Let them do some of that themselves

Yes you are a bit. The better response on being accused of being grumpy is 'Yes, correct, I am grumpy. Peel the carrots and shut up'.

No you’re not playing the victim. I’d have ripped him a new arsehole for making that comment.

It's too hard to say from one incident. Do you moan a lot?

I wouldnt have gone back out for barocca

Are you making life more difficult for you than you need to

Oh wow. He's repeating what his father used to say to you? I'd be nipping that right in the bud. And he'd be making his own dinner. Cheeky little sod.

We don’t live driving distance to the shops which is why I went back out two bloody times

he sounds EXACTLY like his father when he says it. Literally uncanny

He has a bad attitude. Is he the one who went to the gym and then wanted paracetamol? Why couldn't he go and get some himself?

Well you snapped at him unfairly and he snapped back, YABU.

I mean look - usually I’d say if two different people are accusing you of the same personality trait they might actually be right

but I don’t feel like I play the victim, I don’t moan half as much as I feel like moaning !

Well, you are being a bit of a pushover aren’t you? So maybe that’s the same thing.

I read the list of things you had been doing and wondered why on earth it was YOU doing all if it. Is there any genuine reason why your teens can’t get themselves places in the bus, and help with the chores. And what the hell was your DH doing the whole time? Why did you have to get the paracetamol and then the berroca?

There can be a temptation to be the martyr because it gives you control over other people.

That doesn’t mean you don’t moan a lot! None of us can tell on here, but I just think having a go at the 3rd one to ask and then being upset he retaliated is a little daft.

Why on earth would you go back out to get berroca?

Yep there would be a consequence for speaking to me like that.

Mmmmm. I think dinner for them would be ready when they cooked it. I'd be going to bed with cheese on toast and a glass of wine, and they could sort themselves out.

And yes, I did this with my darling child when she was 11.

It is a shame if your kids see you as grumpy, a light hearted response could have been sn option, but I appreciate you are doing alot

I wouldn’t have gone back out for berroca for a start but to be fair you snapped at him for no reason really. The teatime question isnt the issue it’s the rest of your day running around like everyone’s slave.

No DH or DP divorced when they were small.

Any teenager who spoke to me like that would be told that in future he can make his own way to the gym, and can definitely buy his own bloody Berocca.
No way would I have gone out again to get Berocca. Paracetamol I probably would, but to come back and then go out again because your teenage master now wants Berocca- no way. It isn’t essential or urgent.
Teach them what’s reasonable to expect from another person, and remind them that you are in fact a person, not their service robot.

Well there was no need to snap so YABU for that. But does your day usually look like this? Sounds like you do everything, does anyone else lift a finger?

It sounds a bit like you’re being a martyr and then moaning about it. There was no need to go and get berroca when you’d already been out, I’d have just said no

Yes. You sound like a martyr. Doing stuff for other people that they could do themselves then moaning about it.

Rule. Don't make THEIR problem YOUR problem. Especially men and teen boys.

I think YABU for snapping at the third for asking what time dinner was, it is a pretty reasonable question considering you're the one cooking it. Do you ever get them to cook dinner? I definitely wouldn't have gone back out for berocca.

I'm wondering how old this teenager with a headache is that they need you to do two separate trips to the shop to get paracetamol and barocca?

I don't think you are playing the victim, but possibly martyring yourself a bit

I think you have to firm up. Don't be a giant pushover. They don't respect you for it. They won't like you, possibly, but that's parenting teens.