To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?

[SocialMediaPITA]

I'm a primary school teacher in year 6. I spend lots of time having to deal with pupils falling out with each other on messaging apps/social media outside of school hours. They then bring these issues into school the next day, and there are tears, tantrums and, on some occasions, fights. And staff have to give up lunch hours, break time and learning/lesson time to deal with the fall out. Children can't learn if they are brewing on what's happened the night before, eg falling out with their peers.

Why do parents let their children on social media? The min age for WhatsApp is 16 - it's 16 for a reason! Many primary aged children are not emotionally able to deal with issues via messaging - even as adults we can recognise that tone and body language can play a huge part in communicating - social media and messaging removes that important aspect and if we as adults can get it wrong, why do we expect children to be able to deal with it? It's affecting their mental health.

I've mopped too many tears this week and much of it can be avoided.

Completely agree with you!!

Before phones and social media they would still have been having these falling outs and disruptions - just face to face instead of online.

They are kids, they are learning socialisation, conflict resolution and emotional control. There are going to be tears and arguments and big feelings. It is an inevitable part of working with this age group.

In an ideal world, schools would have counsellors for pastoral care and wellbeing support.

Iv 3 kids and there's always guaranteed what's app drama when class hits Yr5 and Yr6. My older 2 didn't have phones until high school - there's been enough drama there too.

@Icannoteven but by going home and leaving it at school there would have been time to cool off/calm down and the next day things would be different. Now days messaging/social media just adds more fuel to the fire and it rumbles on. In some cases it's like adding fuel to a smouldering fire, messaging just stokes it all up to a raging inferno!

Before phones and social media they would still have been having these falling outs and disruptions - just face to face instead of online.
yes that’s true but with phones and SM it’s all written down for the rest of history! An argument you’ve had when you’re 10 should not be-able to be screenshotted and distributed to hundreds of people for decades to come.

Because during covid it was the only way of getting any social contact for kids. Now the habit is there.

Natural consequence of insisting that children could cope with online learning, online socialising and online friendships for months on end. Can't put that genie back in the bottle.

Icannoteven
No it really isn't inevitable. Children sending messages and nasty pictures and videos. Children setting up whatsapp groups and then getting into arguments where other kids get involved is not inevitable.
I have been a teacher for over 25 years and I can tell you that social media has made things much worse. All the parents I deal with tell me they check their children's phone. None of them pick up all the crap I deal with on their behalf. The nasty comments are sent while the kids are out of school and yet I end up dealing with them in school time.

I don’t think phones should be allowed in schools full stop.

Agreed.

Children have always fallen out, but they'd would fall out, go home and that would be it until tomorrow. Most of the time it would blow over, or there'd be a small carry on in the playground and it could be nipped in the bud.

Now some parents think their children should have unsupervised access to smart phones/apps all hours of the day, there's no switching off and getting away from it. The pressure of knowing there's notifications, and chats going on, and people saying mean things, then having to go into school after reading dozens of mean messages. The adults have left the room.

I’m also a Year 6 teacher! I can’t believe how oblivious some parents are to what their children are saying/doing on WhatsApp. I also hate that undercurrent in class, like being on the outside of an inside joke that lots of children in the class feel who are not part of the WhatsApp groups. They act/speak completely differently than how they would do in school!

"In an ideal world, schools would have counsellors for pastoral care and wellbeing support."

We are lucky enough to have that at my school (pastoral is a member of staff but the counsellor isn't and is an extra cost) but we have others with vulnerable home lives (carers/domestic abuse/neglect/suspected SEN) that they are full, and can't also deal with kids falling out over stuff that has been whipped up overnight on social media/messaging.

While I agree that it causes disruption to the school day, kids will have these squabbles on games consoles, in the park, on the street etc. I think WhatsApp has become popular as it uses WiFi rather than contract or PAYG allowance, which makes it popular with kids and their parents (no huge bills).

My child's school made a similar announcement this week with regards to messaging apps and their impact on the school day. But kids will have beef with each other regardless of how they communicate. Believe me, as a parent I am having to wipe tears on the daily because someone has said something mean to my kid. Kids will be mean. I just teach my kid to block and ignore.

During Covid, DD had some supervised video calls with her friends. When they went back to school that stopped because there was no need for it.

Primary school kids don't need social media accounts or their own phones.

As a school we did online learning via video, not social media like WhatsApp/SnapChat. We did not, and do not, encourage apps with an age restriction on them and for very good reason.

My primary age kid doesn’t have a phone but does talk to friends out of school on the switch. For me I think the reason I allow it is because I feel today they’re really isolated out of school compared to my childhood. I was of the “play out” generation. I’d be round knocking on friends doors soon as I was changed out of my school uniform and playing in the street. Our street today isn’t suitable for that and children definitely have less freedom on the whole. I don’t love kids on phones but kids mixing out of school and navigating social situations and friendship dramas is an important part of growing up.

Teacher and mum of 6.
Couldn't agree more.
Totally unnecessary and it's very eye opening as to who supervises or not and also what parents see as being acceptable- whether that's own phone / use of parents, games, videos etc.
The bullying aspect is because they don't seem to get that if you wouldn't say it in real life then don't say it at all!
It truly is safeguarding.

It’s just not true that they would be mean anyway. Children behave differently on social media. They are deindividualised and write things they’d never say to someone’s face. And, as someone said, it’s then there in perpetuity. I had year 13s last year who ended up cancelled by all their friends and severely depressed because of messages they had sent on instagram in year 8, which someone found and shared. It was awful. As a secondary school teacher, I strongly urge you to limit social media as much as you can. 90% of our safeguarding work is due to kids’ activity on social media. It is not just normal kids being kids like we knew back pre-smart phones!!

I'm not saying school encouraged it. But when I was working 12 hour days at home with 3 kids there, they needed their friends as I couldn't be everything they needed. So they graduated towards online contact with friends and I couldn't supervise all of it. They were having Teams calls during the day and it was a natural extension of that.

Good for you all who did manage to maintain healthy boundaries and mentally stable kids while going through hell.

I have to put my guilty hand up and admit that my Y6 child has WhatsApp.
We started family WhatsApp groups during Covid lockdown as a way of keeping in touch with family, and it’s carried on and the DCs all wanted to join in. Nice to see them messaging with their cousins and grandparents.

However, I am aware there have been fallings out at school due to stuff on class WhatsApp and it must be a pain for the teachers.

I do check the messages and restrict time on the phone. We have filters on the WiFi.

I know some parents wait until year 7 but I found with my other DD it was actually quite useful for her to get a bit of experience in Y6 about how to navigate social media (with a lot of support / guidance from me) so when she went to secondary she wasn’t so overwhelmed with it all and managed to stay out of a lot of the Y7 Whatsapp arguments/bitching.

Of course kids will have beef, but messaging and social media extends that and in some cases, makes it much worse. There's no break away from it to calm down - kids emotionally retaliate and it's like pouring gasoline on the fire. And for many of the kids I talk to, they're on their devices evening and again first thing in the morning. Give kids a break, give them downtime away from the drama as they head into their teens. Dealing with emotions that age is tough already, don't make it harder for them.

I don’t love kids on phones but kids mixing out of school and navigating social situations and friendship dramas is an important part of growing up.

@museumum which in days gone past was handled at home because the socialising happened in the community and outside of school. Now it's brought into school because the kids have had no downtime away from social media/messaging to get their emotions in check. Some parents monitor what their kids are writing and step in, supporting their child to navigate those social situations. Many other parents have no clue whatsoever what is happening online.

I couldn't agree more. My eldest DC is in Y5 and is definitely unusual in not having a phone or any social media. Not even any gaming tbh which I realise is super unusual at that age. I dread the day that I am either asked for a phone or need to get one for safety, high school etc. My child is still very innocent, super bright and academic, interesting and interested about the world, with a fabulous relationship with siblings, cheerful, lovely and extremely kind and caring. I don't want any of that sweetness taken away before it's time. I personally really really disagree with allowing early access to phones and social media, online gaming where kids are exposed to nastiness and even getting scammed and the addictive qualities that go with (realise I'm in the minority with some of that).

I note many parents see the arguments and nasty behaviour as learning to cope with things and growing up. I would really love it if the parents dealt with these fall outs themselves in this case rather than sending me screen shots and telling me about the arguments on the class whatsapp group that the children have set up or the chats on gaming websites etc. Unfortunately, it is all fine until their child is upset. At this point, they are emailing or phoning me and asking me to speak to the other child and their parents about things that have been posted when the children are at home.

But what about social contact? Both my children suffered great isolation and loneliness. They had no way of contacting or interacting with friends. So that’s one reason.

@cansu "I would really love it if the parents dealt with these fall outs themselves"
Abso-bloody-lutetly! Sadly though we know that isn't the case and children bring in their online falling outs into the classroom and we have to unpick what has happened. This means we have to speak to other children individually to find out what happened and then talk through it all again once we've heard from everyone involved. In the mean time, lessons and learning time are being eaten away at. I've even had kids storm out of class because someone has given them a 'look' and it's all because they fell out on social media the night before. I've had kids arrange fights at school on WhatsApp.

These kids are 10/11 - they should be feeling safe in school, enjoying their last year of primary, learning and preparing for secondary school. Not dealing with stuff that has got whipped up on social media.