To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?

[SocialMediaPITA]

I'm a primary school teacher in year 6. I spend lots of time having to deal with pupils falling out with each other on messaging apps/social media outside of school hours. They then bring these issues into school the next day, and there are tears, tantrums and, on some occasions, fights. And staff have to give up lunch hours, break time and learning/lesson time to deal with the fall out. Children can't learn if they are brewing on what's happened the night before, eg falling out with their peers.

Why do parents let their children on social media? The min age for WhatsApp is 16 - it's 16 for a reason! Many primary aged children are not emotionally able to deal with issues via messaging - even as adults we can recognise that tone and body language can play a huge part in communicating - social media and messaging removes that important aspect and if we as adults can get it wrong, why do we expect children to be able to deal with it? It's affecting their mental health.

I've mopped too many tears this week and much of it can be avoided.

My dc use their phones to also keep in touch with their grandparents who live a distance away. We have a family group and they chat separately with the gps. They use them to call me when they are at their dad’s.

I really struggled to allow it, but my dd is also very aware of fitting in. If I stop her being on WhatsApp (I do monitor it), then I worry that she will feel even more isolated as the rest of her friends do.

As to MRI scans, one of my dc suffered terrible isolation during lockdown. He became agoraphobic afterwards. A smart
phone was the only way to see his grandparents, communicate with his friends.

My DC use mine and DH's phone to video call relatives. Why do children need their own device?

We're previous generations unable to keep in touch with relatives before smart phones exist?

Most things that primary age children would use a smartphone for can be done on parent phones or family devices, other than giving them personal, private access to the internet and the ability to use social media with their friends, which is ridiculous for children. It seems to boil down to the fact that because some parents give their 7 year olds smart phones everyone else gives into the pressure so by 9/10 almost everyone has them.

your mention of whatsapp being 16+ makes me laugh do you expect a high school aged child not to message their friends to organise meet ups until they're 16 but i agree that they shouldn't have social media until they are in year 7

@Fifi1010 it's not just kissing, it's intimacy and sex in many cases. Did she tell you that?

Do they need WhatsApp to do that?

I've been quite specific here that I'm talking about primary aged children. I dare say my secondary school colleagues could add in their own points of view if they wish, but I won't speak for them.

WhatsApp collect your info, your phone number for example, which is why the age restriction exists. Anyone can be added to group chats and then they too have your child's phone number. Whilst you can block individuals from contacting you directly, if they are on the group chat you can still see their messages.
More info here: www.parliamentfederation.co.uk/MainFolder/Documents/KPS/Parents/Apps-Info/What-is-Whatsapp.pdf

I'd far rather the individual messaging service on phones which helps the phone owner/user maintain much more control, than WhatsApp.

Text? Phone call? Email?

Totally agree.

My child is yr 6 and there’s huge pressure to give her a phone so she isn’t left out of wattsapp groups. Yet the groups keep having big arguments I hear.

I’m so angry at all the lazy parents who can’t be bothered to comply with the various app age restrictions and can’t be bothered to arrange playdates for after school socialisation.

Even if a child needs a phone for eg commuting safety it doesn’t need to be a smart phone and even if they need to be able to send messages there is nothing weing with text messages it doesn’t need to be wattsapp.

Well when she’s with her dad she needs another device to contact me. And I’d rather is wasn’t her dad’s, but I suppose that’s about me.

My son has a lovely relationship with his grandmother, party built through them texting each other privately.

@Raineth my dd does sometimes play after school, but mostly she is too exhausted from all the face to face contact at school.

I actually thought WhatsApp was 13 not 16. And I just thought of it as a messaging app, rather than social media.

There's quite a lot of research connecting the increase in depression, self-harm, and mental illness in children to social media use.

https://jonathanhaidt.substack.com/p/social-media-mental-illness-epidemic

And this is exactly why I won’t give in to the ‘but all my friends have it’ arguments.

My dc use their phones to also keep in touch with their grandparents who live a distance away

Lots of people have said similar on this thread. But it's just an excuse really. People managed to stay in touch with friends and family really well even before smart phones existed. And even if you do want to use a smart phone to stay in touch you don't need WhatsApp to do that. Normal texting does the same thing. Or speaking.....

@lailamaria who do you expect not call upon when these things go tits up.

If it's you and the parents fine. The majority will rope the school on to deal with it. Not fine.

I'm part of the SLT. Of my working week would you really appreciate that stupid amounts of my time, time that is supposed to be educating and improving the school is sunk dealing with what could be avoided if parents actually did their bloody job.

My dc use their phones to also keep in touch with their grandparents who live a distance away

Why can't they use your phone? Or your iPad. Or desktop or laptop?

It's the same stupid argument as people who only ever use FB or whatever to "keep up n touch" and then bleat their stuffs been shared.

Take some bloody accountability. You wouldn't put a gun in your kids hands. Why put a device that can lead to so many mistakes in their hands.

👏👏

How do the parents get round the age limit. Enter a fake DOB

Why are people getting so bent out of shape about people getting thier kids phones, it’s the world we live in now unfortunately. Yes I’m an 80’s kid, we managed without phones, but we live in a world where technology is the means for practically everything. Dd is 10, she has a phone because I want her to, she’s had a phone since she was about 7 (family old ones) only to play games on, she only back in September got a sim because she walks halfway to and from school by herself. She has what’s app, we have rules and I check her phone every night which she is unaware of which means anything said on the group chat it available for me to see, so far so good, sometimes there’s a bit of drama between her friends on video call and she will usually leave as soon as any drama starts. She’s not allowed her phone in bed. DS is 15, he’s only just started taking his phone to bed. It doesn’t matter if it’s what’s app, tik tok, Instagram, if bully’s want to get someone, they will find a way. They just do it in school. I agree it’s not fair for teachers to sort out drama not happening at school, but this is where parents need to be more alert to what kids are doing on thier phones.

that's exactly what i think@Lifeadjustments you can talk and talk till the cows come home about how phones are evil and technology is ruining the world but unfortunately technology and phones are a part of life, sending letters is a thing of the past and emails are becoming of the past too with the existence of teams which is now used in schools so another reason for kids to need phones, texts are all well and good except not everyone has the money for a contract phone and group chats are immensely useful when you have more than one friend that you want to plan something with, you cannot keep kids from technology, it's their world, and to be honest it has been since the late 90s pretending it's a new age thing is just burying your head in the sand

I'm guessing you didn't know any kids before COVID. My nieces and nephews were having these issues more than a decade ago. I avoid it by banning social media, messages in other apps and only with best friends and asking frequently how things are. No phone use in bedroom so I can guage any reactions or spiralling.

The habit has been there for 15 years. Sick of tiresome parents blaming everything on lick down. Learn some responsibility

Agree 💯

Agree with a lot of what you’re saying, but we’re talking about primary school aged kids. 7 year olds in my DD2s class are having these issues. No 7 year old needs to be in group chats arranging meet ups.

@Icannoteven in an ideal world parents would parent their children properly, and not absolve all responsibility to schools or let their children use devices that the tech bosses don’t even allow their own children on.

I wish I could say to parents, "you allowed access, so you deal with it!

After having to deal with issues every single week, (and on a few occasions, every single day) issues that have taken up at least an hour of my time, let alone the teachers, and have twice turned into safeguarding referrals, I have

I’ve told parents that I won’t deal with any issue that has been created on social media outside of school. I’ve taken photos of the worst messages (names redacted), I’ve typed out word for word some others (including swear words, insults and spelling mistakes) and I have blanket emailed the main offenders, followed up with hard copy letters for the sake of those parents that say they don’t get school emails.

It is still happening of course, but sympathy has gone for a number of children. It has caused backlash, but I just keep repeating the message that I’ve been sending since September “Your children are under age for these apps and are showing daily that they do not have the maturity to navigate the minefield that is Social Media. Whilst you allow them access it falls to you as parents to deal with the fallout”

Lots of people have said similar on this thread. But it's just an excuse really. People managed to stay in touch with friends and family really well even before smart phones existed. And even if you do want to use a smart phone to stay in touch you don't need WhatsApp to do that. Normal texting does the same thing. Or speaking.....
Agree with this.
The idea primary aged children need their own smart phones with access to apps and the internet to stay in touch with their grandparents is an excuse.
Why not just say because DC said everyone else has one?

it’s the world we live in now unfortunately

It's only "the world we live in" because we make it so.

E.g. if parents refused to give their children phones there's no way schools could insist that parents provide them. They are far too expensive and cause too many safe guarding issues for schools to insist that they are compulsory school equipment.

Just because something exists that doesn't mean that you have to let your child use it.