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Original poster

To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?

208 replies

SocialMediaPITA · 24/03/2023 19:31

I'm a primary school teacher in year 6. I spend lots of time having to deal with pupils falling out with each other on messaging apps/social media outside of school hours. They then bring these issues into school the next day, and there are tears, tantrums and, on some occasions, fights. And staff have to give up lunch hours, break time and learning/lesson time to deal with the fall out. Children can't learn if they are brewing on what's happened the night before, eg falling out with their peers.

Why do parents let their children on social media? The min age for WhatsApp is 16 - it's 16 for a reason! Many primary aged children are not emotionally able to deal with issues via messaging - even as adults we can recognise that tone and body language can play a huge part in communicating - social media and messaging removes that important aspect and if we as adults can get it wrong, why do we expect children to be able to deal with it? It's affecting their mental health.

I've mopped too many tears this week and much of it can be avoided.

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 24/03/2023 21:29

My kids have kids messenger. They chat to friends while they play Roblox. It’s used in the lounge where it’s supervised. If there were issues that were coming up at school because of it, I wouldn’t let them use it.

OhmygodDont · 24/03/2023 21:31

Actually WhatsApp age depends on what council you live in. Try checking it out actually on WhatsApp.

Can’t say it’s ever come up from either school as an issue, nor do I personally know anyone who’s child’s been picked on or bullied etc via WhatsApp.

The type of children who bully will do it regardless of WhatsApp.

OhmygodDont · 24/03/2023 21:31

Country not council. Bad autocorrect.

Original poster
SocialMediaPITA · 24/03/2023 21:32

illiterato · 24/03/2023 21:24

Apple Store has it as 12+.

Show quote history

Which is US based - if you click on the Licence Agreement it says you must be at least 13 years old. As I'm in the UK, in a UK school, it's age 16.

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 24/03/2023 21:33

What's app is 13 not 16 as is snapchat. I dont disagree with your point it's just not correct.

OhmygodDont · 24/03/2023 21:33

So it depends what WhatsApp licence you’re on.

To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?
To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?
Polarbearyfairy · 24/03/2023 21:36

Couldn't agree more, in Y6 they're not equipped to deal with the emotional aspects and it's not the school's responsibility to teach them how to use these platforms they aren't even supposed to be on. My DD is y6 and I've said no whatsapp, she's aggrieved as some of her friends are allowed it but there have already been some nasty fallouts due to whatsapp groups so I'm standing firm.

StarDolphins · 24/03/2023 21:37

HermioneHerman · 24/03/2023 20:07

I couldn't agree more. My eldest DC is in Y5 and is definitely unusual in not having a phone or any social media. Not even any gaming tbh which I realise is super unusual at that age. I dread the day that I am either asked for a phone or need to get one for safety, high school etc. My child is still very innocent, super bright and academic, interesting and interested about the world, with a fabulous relationship with siblings, cheerful, lovely and extremely kind and caring. I don't want any of that sweetness taken away before it's time. I personally really really disagree with allowing early access to phones and social media, online gaming where kids are exposed to nastiness and even getting scammed and the addictive qualities that go with (realise I'm in the minority with some of that).

Absolutely this.

i will keep my DD away from SM for as long as I possibly can. A friend of mine has a total ban & her DD is now in high school with no phone, nothing.

The modern SM world is not good for children.

OhmygodDont · 24/03/2023 21:41

Oh and if your worried about what’sapp wait till they all use discord thats where the drama really happens.

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 21:43

Are people not using the stuff like family link? That prevents access to age inappropriate apps and I have full supervision and screen time management.

Original poster
SocialMediaPITA · 24/03/2023 21:54

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 21:43

Are people not using the stuff like family link? That prevents access to age inappropriate apps and I have full supervision and screen time management.

I don't think many parents know how to enable this kind of software that keeps adults in control (and sadly, a minority of parents don't care!).

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 24/03/2023 21:57

YANBU
I also do not understand why a kid of single digit age would even need their own mobile phone.

Justalittlebitduckling · 24/03/2023 22:01

I don’t think kids should have smart phones below the age of 13-14. Just a pay as you go simple phone for emergencies. Also a
teacher.

Original poster
SocialMediaPITA · 24/03/2023 22:01

OhmygodDont · 24/03/2023 21:41

Oh and if your worried about what’sapp wait till they all use discord thats where the drama really happens.

But Primary School aged children should not be on discord either!

My secondary school colleagues can post about their difficulties with social media/messaging if they wish, but I'm posting as a Primary School teacher and ages 10-11 (and in some cases even younger as other PPs have stated) is not appropriate as they are too emotionally young to navigate this. It's not fair to kids for adults to provide them with access due to 'pester power' and then abdicate responsibility for sorting out the mess that comes with it, and it is affecting the kids' mental health as they don't get a break from it.

OP posts:
MySandwich · 24/03/2023 22:02

Fellow Year 6 teacher here too!
Totally agree OP- social media use is just having such a big impact in the classroom. So frustrating!

Bookworms77 · 24/03/2023 22:02

I had a recent temp job working with dc from around year 5 upwards, supporting them with their MH, offering short term therapy. About 95% of issues were because of wattsap and Snapchat. These young people were damaged mentally at age 9 by their phones. The stuff I saw being shared on there makes me want to throw up even thinking about it. The bullying was utterly disgraceful. Even the dc who’s parents believed they were strict with it and monitoring it well were not spared. Once it’s sent and seen it’s too late to unsee it even if parents check. The cat is out of the bag.

These issues took up a ridiculous amount of time if staff in the schools I worked in.

You may think it’s fine because your dc only has one or two friends on there and you monitor it but trust me these apps are complicated and still others get added and stuff gets shared. Even if your dc are lucky enough to not experience this having constant access to this type of communication and screen access is damaging in itself. There is no switching off for dc these days.

Dc are only little for such a short time there is no need for all this it’s too grown up for their young brains.

Im well aware that fall outs happened before phones but I promise it was never to this level. When developing dc are behind a screen they feel invincible and the stuff they do and say they would never do face to face.

I went to an event yesterday with year 5 dc and it was awful to watch some of them stuck to a screen, WhatsApping while their peers played together.

As for the lockdown theory it’s rubbish. As is people saying they would miss out or not have meet ups etc I’m a mum to a year 5 with no phone and we managed in lockdown and she has a wonderful social life. It’s just excuses.

You are kidding yourselves. You are damaging your dc and I’m not scared to say it.

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 22:04

@SocialMediaPITA yeah that's the impression I get too. There are a few hoops for sure in setting it up but it works well. I have his PC linked to Microsoft Family safety, that's a bit more buggy sometimes and doesn't apply the custom screen time for Minecraft but that's kind of ok.

littlbrowndog · 24/03/2023 22:12

Bookworms77 · 24/03/2023 22:02

I had a recent temp job working with dc from around year 5 upwards, supporting them with their MH, offering short term therapy. About 95% of issues were because of wattsap and Snapchat. These young people were damaged mentally at age 9 by their phones. The stuff I saw being shared on there makes me want to throw up even thinking about it. The bullying was utterly disgraceful. Even the dc who’s parents believed they were strict with it and monitoring it well were not spared. Once it’s sent and seen it’s too late to unsee it even if parents check. The cat is out of the bag.

These issues took up a ridiculous amount of time if staff in the schools I worked in.

You may think it’s fine because your dc only has one or two friends on there and you monitor it but trust me these apps are complicated and still others get added and stuff gets shared. Even if your dc are lucky enough to not experience this having constant access to this type of communication and screen access is damaging in itself. There is no switching off for dc these days.

Dc are only little for such a short time there is no need for all this it’s too grown up for their young brains.

Im well aware that fall outs happened before phones but I promise it was never to this level. When developing dc are behind a screen they feel invincible and the stuff they do and say they would never do face to face.

I went to an event yesterday with year 5 dc and it was awful to watch some of them stuck to a screen, WhatsApping while their peers played together.

As for the lockdown theory it’s rubbish. As is people saying they would miss out or not have meet ups etc I’m a mum to a year 5 with no phone and we managed in lockdown and she has a wonderful social life. It’s just excuses.

You are kidding yourselves. You are damaging your dc and I’m not scared to say it.

Agree totally. It’s damaging to our kids

BloodyThursday · 24/03/2023 22:15

Some of the girls in my DD year 4 class have phones with Tik Tok WhatsApp etc. parents are not only oblivious to their behaviour, from my experience often just as bad. A few even message pretending to be their DC.

Soapboxqueen · 24/03/2023 22:16

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 22:04

@SocialMediaPITA yeah that's the impression I get too. There are a few hoops for sure in setting it up but it works well. I have his PC linked to Microsoft Family safety, that's a bit more buggy sometimes and doesn't apply the custom screen time for Minecraft but that's kind of ok.

I'd say that no matter what software you use to add protection, it's never 100% safe.

I think there's a lot of people who think having restrictions on their Internet service or net nanny software is job done and it really isn't.

UndertheCedartree · 24/03/2023 22:18

My DD is (almost) 11 and has recently got her own phone as she has started walking part way to school on her own. She has WhatsApp and uses it to call/video call and message her best friend. They've not had any fallings out on it. Actually the only couple of upsets they have had were at school. She has told me that they have had talks about things that have happened within WhatsApp groups containing a lot of children. My daughter doesn't have lots of children's numbers and I don't like the idea of big groups that could contain anyone. I have reiterated the message about this from school and that you shouldn't message anything you wouldn't say in person. But I'd always check exactly who she is speaking to. I have to say there hasn't been any meanness at school (well not involving my DD anyway) although I remember a lot of fall outs when I was in Y6 that the staff had to deal with. And it would carry on after school as we were all playing out together.

AnyoneElse1982 · 24/03/2023 22:19

Amongst my DC year 6 friends of the 8, two have phones so it’s not an issue yet. Fingers crossed we can avoid!

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 22:21

@Soapboxqueen I didn't say it was job done. Do you have some inside track as to how it's not 100% safe though, or what you define as safe? If you configure it correctly as a fully managed phone you can authorise or deauthorise every app. Obviously there's a lot of homework to do in digging into any app's functionality and messaging capabilities.

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 22:22

Too right OP! My primary age child only had access to children’s sites like bin weevils and moshi monsters. They could make friends and connect, but it was all anonymous and there was no function to send pictures or identifying info or even to find and meet anyone you know IRL on these sites. It was the perfect sandbox for them. Primary age should not be doing any SM at all and there should be parental controls on their internet access.

Original poster
SocialMediaPITA · 24/03/2023 22:22

@Bookworms77 yes I've seen some awful stuff which had huge Safeguarding concerns and flagged onwards to DSL. Thankfully this has been in the minority. But once it's posted, it's out there, part of the digital footprint.

OP posts: