To think parents should NOT let primary aged children on messaging/social media?

[SocialMediaPITA]

I'm a primary school teacher in year 6. I spend lots of time having to deal with pupils falling out with each other on messaging apps/social media outside of school hours. They then bring these issues into school the next day, and there are tears, tantrums and, on some occasions, fights. And staff have to give up lunch hours, break time and learning/lesson time to deal with the fall out. Children can't learn if they are brewing on what's happened the night before, eg falling out with their peers.

Why do parents let their children on social media? The min age for WhatsApp is 16 - it's 16 for a reason! Many primary aged children are not emotionally able to deal with issues via messaging - even as adults we can recognise that tone and body language can play a huge part in communicating - social media and messaging removes that important aspect and if we as adults can get it wrong, why do we expect children to be able to deal with it? It's affecting their mental health.

I've mopped too many tears this week and much of it can be avoided.

Completely agree. My son is in Y6 and he’s one of only a couple in his class without a phone. The things that have gone on on the class WhatsApp group are appalling, the school has had to threaten the kids with the police if they continue to post inappropriate content. Parents are terrified their children will be social outcasts but in fact it doesn’t seem to work like that (yet) in DS’s class. DS doesn’t even want a phone

Video messaging would've been much better, you could've sat close by to monitor and the other aspects of communication, like body language and tone, could've been seen - it makes such a difference. Young children need that visual aspect to develop their communication skills; messaging conveys neither of these visual cues and even adults can read written text messages wrong and interpret them the wrong way.

Video messaging also wouldn't happen sporadically throughout an entire evening, like messaging does. Therefore with video messaging there's a break away from each other after school, giving time to process and manage emotions/reactions. With messaging there's none of that - it's instantaneous.

100% agree! Primary teacher here and we’ve had issues as young as P4! (Age approx 8!) It is beyond me why parents allow it! Group chats can become toxic very quickly and so much time on screens is terrible for the developing brain!

Because they can't say no to their little darlings.
Sympathise with you.

I really agree with this. Yr 6 in my DCs' school is currently in uproar over a class WhatsApp group rife with bullying & even explicit content (there are ten year old girls involved here FFS). This will be unpopular here but a minority of parents are totally negligent in this area.

I do roll my eyes at the "twas ever thus people" too. I went to dog rough schools & had a very unsheltered childhood but didn't have male classmates sending me porn when I was ten.

@girlfriend44 I think it's a bit more complex than that 🙄

Times change. This is the world we lived in. 20 years ago we probably wouldn't have used phones and technology to the extent we do now either.

For a long time I tried to dissuade ds from having friends numbers and to his credit, he didn't want the bother of it either. He used his phone for watching YouTube videos and contacting family and that was it.

Now they use phones to arrange meet ups and if he didn't have it he would miss out. There have been disputes and rows via WhatsApp but as long as he is open with me then I can guide him in the best ways to deal with it and if it gets too much the phone just gets turned off. Its just another layer of modern parenting to help them through.

If he were locking himself in his room for hours on end exchanging secret messages with people it would be a different story. As it stands I have a year 6 child who communicates well and is mostly very sensible and trustworthy. Long may it continue.

I completely agree with you. My ds is 11 and in year 6, he has a phone, has 2 friends phone numbers and that's it. He's not on WhatsApp/ snap chat etc, and despite how much he asks he's not going on them. He often comes home and tells me about the arguments and his class mates getting pulled out of class because of WhatsApp arguments. Just enjoy being a kid!!

I read my children's WhatsApp messages every evening. Never read any mean comments or unsuitable content. It either messages asking who is around to play online, discussing minecraft worlds or asking about homework.

Fellow teacher here, I completely agree. Forget about the wasted hours and issues it causes in the classroom - I can’t believe the anxiety it causes in children.

Parents, as a fellow parent, I beg you not to let your kids on these apps until they are well into their teenage years. Better yet, buy them a brick phone until they are 15-16 years old. I’m not joking.

I agree. My daughter is in year 4 and her friends are all having WhatsApp arguments in the evenings! Their teacher has had to deal with numerous disputes. Year 4!! My daughter doesn’t have a phone. I’ve explained to her that when she is going to places on her own she can have one to keep in contact with us but for now there’s no need, and she’s happy with that.
There are already so many petty disputes at school that I would hate for her to have to put up with all that in the evenings/at weekends too. One of her friend’s mums said to me recently ‘well what can you do, they’ve all got them haven’t they so you can’t say no. Err, yes I can. There is no need for a 9 year old to have WhatsApp.

What’s App is 12+ not 16+ btw.

I have no objection to my 10/11 year olds having it, but am very cognisant of the potential for issues so make a lot of effort to make sure they use it appropriately and get them to step away from it in some cases. I’d rather they learn about proper, safe use of messaging now while they’re at an age they will be open to me helping them work it out, than drop them in it later when they’re at an age they won’t tolerate me sticking my oar in.

Fellow year 6 teacher here. 100% agree. Why do parents think an app for 16+ is suitable for their child? It's 16 for a reason. I'm hoping this TikTok safety concern might slow down the TikTok dramas but WhatsApp has been the main culprit for at least the past 5 years.

Year 6 teacher here too.
The language and sexual content they use is unbelievable and it's always from the children of parents who say their child doesn't use that kind of language!
I've seen the chats because of parents who have brought their child's phones in to show us. At least they're the parents who monitor them. So many don't. I've had one child who opened 13 instagram accounts without her parent knowing. Every time someone blocked her foul content, she opened another.
We are constantly dealing with the fall out and on one occasion even had a parent tell another child to f**k off on the same chat!

My step son is in year 6 and his mum recently found out for the past 4 weeks he was being groomed online, it had got to the point where the groomer had built his trust and was starting to ask personal questions about where he lived , name etc.. police were involved and rightly so gave his mum and my dh a verbal scolding for letting him A: have social media and B: not checking on what he was doing. We are all pretty ashamed of ourselves.

Kids have enough to deal with regarding their peers in school, let alone us allowing them access to a whole world of people.

We teach online safety every half-term and they can all tell you what they shouldn't do, but are totally unable to recognise that they're doing it themselves. And don't get me started on the number playing Grand Theft Auto etc...

Sensible. That's how it started. Parents said kids need phone to contact them. Now they aren't phones, they are mini computers and it's all out of hand.
Just phoning and texting someone is all a schoolchild needs.

I have lots of dc including a y6…and they don’t have phones, WhatsApp or social media and neither do their friends! I don’t know any kids this age that have social media tbh. So yes I agree with you

I think there'll come a point where we look back on all this the way we'd now look at 12yos smoking (very much a thing once - my grandad was 12ish when he started).

Who wants to argue with other kids and parents in the evenings.
The one great thing about going to school when there was no social media was you had privacy in the evenings and weekends etc.

Step away. Do something else.

My dd (y5) does have a mobile and what's app. She's at middle school so pretty much all the children have mobile phones because of the extra distance they travel.

Friends are also further away so 'playing out' isn't always an option. If they want to arrange things it's easiest for them to message each other. It isn't like primary where you see other mums on the school run and can arrange playdates etc

Like others, my dd mostly used what's app to talk to family during lockdown and her dad who works away.

I don't think there's going to be much putting the cat back in the bag here OP. I had parents letting their children at 8 have Facebook accounts 10 years ago. I'm not sure what the solution is going to be.

I was bullied by a girl at school pretty relentlessly from year 5-8 and I am so glad that it was pre mobile phones so I had some respite from it at home!

I have a Yr 6 DS, he has his phone for a hobby (pokemon go) he also has whatsapp, for chatting with his friends about minecraft and so he can contact his grandparents and cousins

His Whatsapp is connected up to my laptop, so I can see in real time what is happening.

I am not seeing a problem within his school, the last thing of concern that was sent out was about Prime drink bottles

Nope it's 16.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/online-safety-blog/2023-01-12-is-whatsapp-safe-for-my-child/

Apple Store has it as 12+.

It seems to be drifting younger doesn’t it. My DS 16yo had limited phone access in the summer term of y6. Now it seems lots have them in y5. I worry about how many of them are on TikTok at ages they really shouldn’t be.