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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to turn down council property?

163 replies

worldcupfan · 24/03/2023 18:02

NC.

After 10 years and four rejections. We have been shortlisted to view a council property. The property seems good to be true, not too far from DC's school, local shops, food transport links (where DC can travel to school) the monthly rent is quarter of my overall salary (which would mean we will managing decently) and the rooms are spacious. Also! DC will have his first proper room. We currently live in a 1 bedroom flat.DC has my room and I sleep in the living room.

But! It's not a ground floor. It's on the first floor. DC is 12, has "high functioning Autism" but has severe horrendous meltdowns, he will shout, cry, scream, jump up and down. We are getting help with this and I have hired private cognitive therapy, have a specialist who will be working with me in the home to manage DC's meltdowns. But I am so worried about disturbing the new neighbours below us. In my current place, it's like I'm having to walk on eggshells as I'm managing to prevent DC's meltdowns so that the neighbours don't complain- but also feel that I can never relax in my home and feel that I'm constantly walking on eggshells to prevent DC's meltdowns. Sadly, it looks like I will have to decline the offer but my friends and family are telling me that I'm crazy. What should I do?

OP posts:
nighttalker · 24/03/2023 18:04

Take it!!!!!

Cosmos123 · 24/03/2023 18:05

Take it.

You need the space.

Your son may feeler calmer and less anxious when you have more room.

slamfightbrightlight · 24/03/2023 18:05

Absolutely take it.

Pippa12 · 24/03/2023 18:06

I’d take it. Noise will travel regardless, so if your neighbours are likely to complain they will anyway. Hopefully they’ll be understanding to your difficulties.

Good Luck

PopplesRUs · 24/03/2023 18:06

What are the rules in your local council on refusing offered properties?

You know most people will think you're taking the piss rejecting an ideal property, especially when you can afford private therapy but it's how many chances you get with the council that should influence your decision.

IhateJan22 · 24/03/2023 18:06

Take it, you don’t know how long it will take to get another. If it becomes and issue I’m sure the council will agree to move you to somewhere more suitable.

Dacadactyl · 24/03/2023 18:07

Take it.

Tell the neighbours when you move in about the issues and hopefully they will be understanding.

Viviennemary · 24/03/2023 18:07

Not sure. Its going to be a real problem for the people below you if this happens often.not so much the shouting but the jumping up and down. Depends on how often. Is it possible that if the new place is less stressful the meltdowns might not happen as much.

Kaibashira · 24/03/2023 18:08

Just take it and then handle any issues.
Having his own bedroom, being closer to school, more disposable income - all of these things might have a beneficial impact on your DC. But it certainly sounds like they'd have a beneficial impact on you and you being financially better off and having more time and happier will definitely benefit you which indirectly will benefit your DC.
Noise can be managed and mitigated. There's no reason to turn it down because your DC has additional needs.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 24/03/2023 18:08

Take it, then look for underlay/rugs etc to help to minimise noise if you find you need to. You don't want to be waiting another 10 years so grab it with both hands and then work out any kinks as they appear.

rileynexttime · 24/03/2023 18:08

No don't decline ,don't .Move in ,explain to neighbours .Thoughtless noise is hard to cope with but you'd not be being thoughtless .
Don't turn it down ,it will make things a bit easier for the rest of the family and that will free up emotional energy to help you autistic child .

MichelleScarn · 24/03/2023 18:08

Take it! You'll have neighbours wherever you go, and while it's very kind and considerate of you to think about the neighbours, put you and dc first.

NoSquirrels · 24/03/2023 18:10

Take it.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 24/03/2023 18:12

Take it.

We used to have an upstairs neighbour who had a child with additional needs and sometimes had a noisy meltdown - wasn't a problem. His mum explained and was always apologetic, though she didn't need to apologise.

Now they have moved out and we have a noisy twat who's just an inconsiderate arsehole of an adult instead, and doesn't much care if they are blasting music at 2am when we have work the next day.

I would much prefer the mum and her child back!!!

whateverwillbewillbewontit · 24/03/2023 18:13

Looks unanimous here. Take it! 😊

Having more space and a better quality of life might really help your son. As soon as you move in, meet your neighbours and explain. Decent people will roll with it!

Original poster
worldcupfan · 24/03/2023 18:15

PopplesRUs · 24/03/2023 18:06

What are the rules in your local council on refusing offered properties?

You know most people will think you're taking the piss rejecting an ideal property, especially when you can afford private therapy but it's how many chances you get with the council that should influence your decision.

I use my DC's DLA for private therapy.

OP posts:
bookwormcrazy · 24/03/2023 18:15

Take it. You would have the same issues with a house unless it's completely detached. You can talk to your neighbours to help them understand.

It will also help enormously with your own mental well-being to have your own space to go to and to be able to make a personalised space for your son that you can adjust to help make it a calming sensory environment for him that is purely his to decompress.

ilovewispas · 24/03/2023 18:16

Take it.

Be friendly and explain to the neighbours.

Buy thinker underlay and carpet if need be to help.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/03/2023 18:17

Take it! Put in double carpets or something until you get the meltdowns under control, but it sounds perfect.

Elleherd · 24/03/2023 18:17

Take it, and tell the neighbors you will be putting in everything possible in the way of sound protection, and do it. It will be worth it. Getting properly and safely housed and him having his own space is a big deal for both of you and his future. The meltdowns have a fair chance of both decreasing and changing direction as he ages and the work goes into managing his asd. (mum of adult Ds with asd in SH and beyond grateful for it as life has played out.)

Badbudgeter · 24/03/2023 18:18

Take it. I would make it a priority to sort the floors though. Thick carpet and underlay. It dramatically decreased the amount of noise travelling down in our house. We had a cheap carpet before in the kids room and it sounded like a herd of rampaging elephants. You can also lay noise insulation boards underfoot.

I think you have options to reduce impact to your neighbours. You sound really stressed and that can make us cling to the familia. If you can take some time out and have a nice cup of tea or something and think how much better life would be if you make this work.

Theunamedcat · 24/03/2023 18:18

Take it and buy rugs layer the rugs

BlueBunting · 24/03/2023 18:19

Take it!
More space and better facilities near by might actually help your son more. You can make an area with padded playmates if you are worried about noise below and it’s the council to sort if noise is an issue.
seriously sounds great

gah2teenagers · 24/03/2023 18:19

Another take it

LaviniasBigBloomers · 24/03/2023 18:19

Take it. The pp is right, this only ever ceases to be a problem in a detached house, which the council clearly aren't going to offer you. Grab it with both hands, keep working to minimise the melt downs, spend money on noise management like carpets, lined walls etc.

Remember too that children with autism do continue to change and develop, albeit sometimes at a different pace to NT children. He won't always be melting down, but if you say not to this property you'll still be in a tiny flat which eats up most of your salary.