AIBU to turn down council property?

[worldcupfan]

NC.

After 10 years and four rejections. We have been shortlisted to view a council property. The property seems good to be true, not too far from DC's school, local shops, food transport links (where DC can travel to school) the monthly rent is quarter of my overall salary (which would mean we will managing decently) and the rooms are spacious. Also! DC will have his first proper room. We currently live in a 1 bedroom flat.DC has my room and I sleep in the living room.

But! It's not a ground floor. It's on the first floor. DC is 12, has "high functioning Autism" but has severe horrendous meltdowns, he will shout, cry, scream, jump up and down. We are getting help with this and I have hired private cognitive therapy, have a specialist who will be working with me in the home to manage DC's meltdowns. But I am so worried about disturbing the new neighbours below us. In my current place, it's like I'm having to walk on eggshells as I'm managing to prevent DC's meltdowns so that the neighbours don't complain- but also feel that I can never relax in my home and feel that I'm constantly walking on eggshells to prevent DC's meltdowns. Sadly, it looks like I will have to decline the offer but my friends and family are telling me that I'm crazy. What should I do?

How frequent, how long and what times?

Because noise every night at one hour intervals is different to once a week at 4pm.

Did your son have his notes assessed by council medical advisor? Sometimes autistic kids are assessed as needing to have a garden, or being on ground floor due to risk. Totally depends on the person, though, of course!

You can also accept and put in a review of suitability on the basis of floor level and see if they will offer you a different property, while you are already there.

But if this is only a thing about worrying about neighbours not about your son's needs, yeah take it!!!

We had a flat years ago that was purpose built, upstairs could have held a tap dancing rave and you wouldn’t hear it.

Take the flat, insulate and see what happens.

Thank you. Yes we have been placed as a priority for ground floor properties on medical grounds. But ground floor properties appear to be very rare. Out of the 6 house viewings we've been previously shortlisted for across 10 years. There has only been two which I have been shortlisted for.

What would I be apologising for?

She's entitled to a council property and has worked her way up the list. But the rent will be a quarter of her salary and she has DLA on top of that. So as she says, will be living very comfortably.

Most people needing or waiting for a council property will not be. Most people are using DLA to pay bills and not for private therapy.

There's a housing crisis and a cost of living crisis. It's great that OP isn't struggling financially and has this fantastic opportunity. Which she is entitled to.

But rejecting it because of an extremely small issue when most people would jump at the chance, means yes a lot of people would think that was taking the piss.

And I'm not saying that's what I personally think. Or that it's okay. I'm saying that's what it is. And that that will be taken into consideration by the council.

Take it and do what you can to insulate the noise. It's possible that your DC's meltdowns will ease anyway. I have a high functioning ASD 14 year old. Everyone with ASD is different obviously but between probably 6-12 he was the worst with meltdowns and would scream and bang about. We're an end terrace so I went next door as they adjoin his room and explained. They haven't complained and now at 14 he rarely has a meltdown. I think that most people will be fairly tolerant of ASD noise rather than loud parties. Good luck OP

you are probably competing for ground floor properties with many older/disabled adults or people with children with physical disabilities so I agree, take it,it’s going to be more secure than your current situation if you are in private rentals .People do sometimes want to do exchanges so you may also get a ground floor place that way eventually. Use the money you will save to fully soundproof the flat (think home recording studio level!)

People don’t seem to be thinking that at all though.

I just think OP seems to be very considerate of others.

I think you probably don't have much choice but to accept.

But I would write to your neighbours before accepting and explain the situation, copy your current and new landlords. So that you have evidence you made them aware.

Because once you move in it will be great for a few weeks until it's too much for the neighbour who starts complaining firstly to you, then the landlord and environmental health - they won't evict you obviously but also nobody will support you and any noise he makes will be compounded by the stress of "what about the neighbours"
I know some have said GF doesn't make any difference but constant noise coming from above you can drive the most calm person mad especially if they have a stressful job or are shift workers and are not able to sleep or rest when they want.

By the way I'm not sure how your offer system works but if you are top of the list for this wouldn't it mean you are at least very near top of the list for the next property and so on.

@worldcupfan This!! In spades. TAKE IT - You'd be mad to turn it down for all the reasons people have already said

I would say take it.

Is there anything you could do to help with the meltdowns e.g. make a room a relaxing, sensory room (perhaps with a TV so he can view his favourite programmes) which you could move your DS to if it starts to look like he is getting stressed?

Absolutely take it. Even if it is on the first floor, it sounds like it'll still be considerably better than where you currently are for various reasons, and you'll always have the opportunity to swap for a property more suited to your needs in the future.

There's a site called HomeSwappers where you can arrange to swap your council or housing association home with someone else's, that makes moving into a different council property so much easier. So even if this isn't your ideal home, it is an improvement and you can keep an eye out for somewhere on a ground floor. It's a lot easier and quicker to swap with someone rather than waiting for the perfect home to become vacant and happen to be the top bid.

I‘m not in agreement with most of pp and wouldn’t take it as I imagine you are going to be feeling tense about it all the time. You don’t know what sort of neighbour you will have below and they could make things very difficult for you with complaints or hostility. Rugs and carpets won’t make much difference as the noise travels through the fabric of the building.

Everyone is saying take it, but what are your councils rules?
My council we get 3 refusals before you go back to the bottom of the list.
10 people refused the property we accepted because of the split shower and toilet rooms

Around here you'd never get a ground floor property - they're prioritised for those with serious mobility issues (wheelchair users and the like). So if you waited for a ground floor property you'd just be stuck in your current flat for years. We're in London though, and there's a severe shortage of social housing here.

I did fine with my autistic DS in a first floor council flat. He's generally OK in his own space though, doesnt tend to have meltdowns as he has his room adapted to his needs. You may well find that the meltdowns are less frequent once the housing is more suitable.

If you have legitimate reasons, which you do, get a letter from your paediatrician (ours was more than happy to help with any housing thing she could by writing a suitable letter) and send that to your council explaining why you are rejecting this property and why for future properties you would like to only be considered eligible for ground floor

Take it. Asa previous poster said if he has more space you may find that he is more settled. Invest in some rugs to dampen the noise.

Take it and then look for a swap.

The council are aware of the issues
Snd have offered it
So take it
Get thermal underlay etc

Is this one of those purpose built council blocks from the 60's? If so they're bomb proof! We lived in one, solid concrete walls, really thick (often concrete) floors. you literally couldn't hear a thing from neighbours.
If it's one of those if don't think you need to worry about noise spreading too much

I'm worried because I have suffered from extreme anxiety due to our current neighbours complaints. Living on the ground floor would not solve everything but at least when DC jumps up and down (which I sometimes manage to prevent- not always) at least he would not be disturbing the neighbours.

It's a terrace house conversion.

You can’t base your life on other people. All in it for ourselves, OP.
You absolutely should take the flat! You could be waiting a while for the next opportunity.

I think you should explain your concerns to the council. Personally I don't think it would be acceptable to the neighbours below if they are always getting disturbed by DC. People are only understanding for so long. If you do end up moving in, then explain to your neighbours upfront. We have a screaming child next door which is hell for us and it also disturbs our baby. We have lived here for 7 years and now looking to move solely due to them. Letting you know from the other point of view. A good thing is you do sound considerate, where they don't care at all. And you never know, maybe they aren't disturbed by noise. I'd talk to council and potential neighbours first before declining. Good luck, hope you find something suitable.