AIBU to turn down council property?

[worldcupfan]

NC.

After 10 years and four rejections. We have been shortlisted to view a council property. The property seems good to be true, not too far from DC's school, local shops, food transport links (where DC can travel to school) the monthly rent is quarter of my overall salary (which would mean we will managing decently) and the rooms are spacious. Also! DC will have his first proper room. We currently live in a 1 bedroom flat.DC has my room and I sleep in the living room.

But! It's not a ground floor. It's on the first floor. DC is 12, has "high functioning Autism" but has severe horrendous meltdowns, he will shout, cry, scream, jump up and down. We are getting help with this and I have hired private cognitive therapy, have a specialist who will be working with me in the home to manage DC's meltdowns. But I am so worried about disturbing the new neighbours below us. In my current place, it's like I'm having to walk on eggshells as I'm managing to prevent DC's meltdowns so that the neighbours don't complain- but also feel that I can never relax in my home and feel that I'm constantly walking on eggshells to prevent DC's meltdowns. Sadly, it looks like I will have to decline the offer but my friends and family are telling me that I'm crazy. What should I do?

Another one in the take it battalion.

You have said there are few ground floor properties. You may never be offered one.

In your current property you have to walk on eggshells - it can't get much worse than that !

Explain the situation to your neighbours when you move in and try to build a positive relationship with them.

Take it !

Please don’t get a trampoline in a flat - would be millions time more annoying than shouting if you live beneath!

Get some really good underlay for your carpet to try and minimise the noise? It’s difficult for people on the internet to advise without knowing just how loud it actually is. However, if you’ve got more money leftover then maybe you could pay for more therapy for him.

Think about yourself and your DC.

💯

Take it. If it all gets too much try to swap council houses with a ground floor flat? You will be in a better position to swap if you have something to offer.

@Van34 This is disgusting discrimination and ableism. OP has already stated she uses her child's DLA to fund the private therapy and DLA is NOT considered as income by any authority INCLUDING council housing. It is paid purely to fund things such as therapy. How dare you be so vile and judgmental???? You should be ashamed of yourself

@worldcupfan From one ASD lone parent to another - well bloody done! You've not only done wonderful things to help your boy, you're handling the judgemental comments on here beautifully!! 👍🏻
I live in social housing with my child and although we have a house, I have been a member of all the local & national exchange groups for a few years and I can tell you that there are people who will happily give up a house to move to a flat, purely for location reasons! A friend of mine had a small 2 bed and managed to get an exchange to a wonderful 3 bed house with the most beautiful garden I've ever seen. The other tenant wanted the location of her 2 bed 🤷🏼‍♀️

You do have to have lived there for 12 months in order to be permitted to do an exchange but after that, once you advertise, many people find what they're looking for within a matter of months. Sometimes longer but you'll find it eventually!
Meanwhile, sound dampening and employ all your usual calming methods with your son to get through those 12 months before you can advertise for an exchange.

If neighbours do complain, explain he has ASD and that you're doing everything you can to dampen the sound and maybe even tell them you're not intending to stay permanently and can they bare with you?

If you moved in above me and explained before anything happened then I would understand completely and I hate noise from neighbours. Plus if he is screaming they may worry that he is being abused. Could you make his own safe space in his room and sort of put lots of insulation on the floor, I mean multiple layers as long as safe.

Take it! If you decline it they knock you down on banding because of it and you could be waiting years for another one. We have the same problem in our area and areas all over the uk are struggling to house under years of waiting lists with the current section 21. My ds has autism and I’d take anything right now to get away from the damp and mould in my property.

Please take it OP. I work in this area and ground floor flats are almost impossible to find for those that need them. This may be your only option to move into a council property that is almost perfect. Then once you are in you can join the house swapping sites too.

Take it!

For all you know, the neighbours could be out working all day and be on outgoings at the weekend. Or they could be the noisy type themselves who don't mind the noise from children.

I wouldnt hesitate to take this property.

Actually it can be used for anything that benefits the child not just therapies.

Take it.

My adult son is severely autistic and thankfully our neighbours are amazing. Over the last 15 years they’ve had to deal with noise, stuff thrown over the fence and all sorts of other stuff. It’s not constant though.

This may not be forever. Things change so I’d definitely see how it goes.

Take it, then go from there.

If there's a problem with downstairs neighbours then you can apply for transfer.

Are the neighbours council too?

I took a risk and turned down a property. It was a first floor apartment with no lift. Not enough room to swing a cat and the bathroom had no outside window, just a small 15cm x 45 cm window that opened up to the hallway outside. There was damp on all the walls.

It was a huge gamble because I was desperate but it paid off and a few weeks later I was offered a far better property at a lower rent

Bite their bloody hands off.

Tbh I think in the big scheme of things, a bit of thumping on the ceiling won't make that much difference if he's crying and screaming, so don't be put off that's it a flat. Unfortunately you're going to disturb your neighbours where ever you are so all you can do it limit the impact.
I'd start off by introducing yourself (alone) and during that conversation, explain the situation (but don't scare them). See if you can establish their 'pattern' eg working patterns, who's in the home etc. Plan your room placent around this, so if they have a young baby/child could you take the room above theirs? Also place furniture against ajoining walls, plenty of carpets/rugs etc to dampen the sound.
Hopefully the therapy will help as will managent tools but I think your son will love having his own space. Don't promise too much but in terms of his bedroom, periodic 'rewards' (new curtains/beanbag etc) for successfully managing his emotions

Take it. Once you have it you can plan your next move but don't refuse the offer of a secure tenancy. You may not get a second chance.

You should take it, I personally would hate it but I can't stand noisy neighbours. Judging my most on MN they don't care, so you might be worried about the neighbours for no reason, it might not even bother them

Yes you're unlikely to get a ground floor. You'll have to wait for one to come up for ages. I'd take it.

I think it's clear you are a brilliant mum op, and you are doing really well.

I think you need to separate out the urgent need for secure and affordable housing from the also-important but more difficult to achieve need for housing that doesn't come with tension due to noise issues.

There's a phrase we use in my work quite often "don't let the best be the enemy of the good" - meaning don't let your awareness of an unachievable best-possible outcome stop you from doing something that falls short of that.

I think this applies in your case when you are considering turning down a good flat because a better flat - that you may never qualify for - might theoretically exist. don't do it. get yourself into secure housing. acknowledge your neighbours issues and let them know that you are aware that it's not ideal, and that you'll do everything you can. you never know, it might actually be ok

You should take it and reapply for a ground floor property if they will let you.
The council should also take responsibility for some alterations to ensure accessibility- so if you need additional soundproofing they should cover this.

You will be very luck to get sound proofing from any landlord. Especially if noise was not an issue for previous occupants or adjacent neighbours who also have similar property and same landlord.. Unlikely they can do it around your family so would have to decant you. Landlords try and avoid this where ever possible. It would be an uphill struggle requiring years of complaints, evidence, monitoring, letters of support etc and you may not have the capacity to see this through.

I think if you take it - you should go in with the understanding that you will be there permanently and set your mind to using your resources or if you are luck then grants to improve the conditions for your son.