To think DH needs to plan better or deal with the consequences

[BluetheBear]

My DH can be a bit disorganised and lack planning. He is intelligent and has a professional job, which requires him to use his brain and his diary, but at home he just seems to fail to think ahead.

An example today is he worked this morning from home, has the afternoon off and is going out with work colleagues later. His daughter (20) lives near where he works so he planned to meet her at 2pm this afternoon for lunch.

I am home as I don't work Fridays and have a toddler at home who is napping. I'm in the room with toddler while he is asleep just reading a book.

DH asked at about 1:30 if I could give him a lift to the train station. I said yes when child wakes up. No time discussed except he did ask how long child would sleep and I said hopefully another half hour to an hour. I said I could take him on the way to the supermarket. He said ok.

DH rushes into the room quite stressed at 1:45 saying he needs to get to the train station for 2:15 and can I give him a lift and get him there. I hesitated as he seemed so stressed and sometimes he gets annoyed if I say no to things. He did acknowledge he was wrong to have not checked train times earlier as it will take him over an hour to get there. We don't live in a city so it's two trains he needs. I said well child is asleep and I still need to feed him before we go.

He was fine with it and has called a taxi but it seems the taxi is taking it's time and I feel bad that he might not get to see DSD but also can't deal with how everything is always last minute. It's 2pm now and child is asleep so I'd have to put sleeping child into the car, drive to the station, then drive back home and feed him before going out again to the supermarket. It's not the end of the world but I can't imagine not looking at train times until half an hour before I'm supposed to be meeting someone and I know it's an hour away!

I used to be married to an arch faffer/bad planner. I so wish I had known that phrase and more to the point used it when I was regularly put in the position of bridging the gaps he created. I mean I said plenty of other choice things 🤣....but that's a humdinger. I guess I put my money where my mouth is by eventually leaving him. He is still incredulous that I did and even more so that his selfish behaviour in this respect was a huge part of the reason why.

Why would she know unless he asked her? Is she Nostradamus? It IS weird he didn’t discuss it and he should work on that, you’re right!

we only know of two situations where the op has bailed him out.
we dont know if it happens All the time.

There is teamwork then there is parenting an adult who should know better

In teamwork there is communication give and take planning organisation etc

Parenting an adult is like when a child throws their cooking homework list at you on the day they need it and expect you to sort it unattractive and annoying in an adult 🙄

This. I (perhaps wrongly) assumed that the sleeping toddler was their joint child, which made him sound weirdly disconnected from and uncaring about his needs, as if he's never attended to them himself.

OP you say he has a professional job. Does he manage his own diary or does he have a PA who does it for him? Not that it's an excuse, but if he's spoonfed through his work by a PA, then you could tell him 'I'm not your PA, you're not at work now' when he appears to have the same expectation at home.

Throw him in the stocks then.........

I am the same as your husband and so is my 11 year old daughter. *she has asd and adhd though.
I don't have a DH or anyone else so if things go wrong it's my fault. I've learnt to be more organised and now I'm teaching my daughter too. She's a nightmare at organising and time management and I would normally be the verbal punch bag.i got sick of this so now I'm teaching her consequences

If she's late she gets a detention at school and I'm allowing this to happen. Or if she doesn't do her homework that's down to her too.
I guess what in saying is that it's your DH's responsibility to get his shit together and I'd stop bailing him out because, well, he will never learn otherwise.
I think what you did was right

Reading with intrigue, that said I tend to over estimate my time when traveling etc

What is the DH giving here, apart from annoyance with his wife for not organising his life like he is her toddler?

what the fuck is an internalised misogyny anyway?
Oh dear.
Allow me to fix your woeful ignorance:
https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/reflections/signs-internalized-misogyny

It's right there in her first paragraph.
My DH can be a bit disorganised and lack planning. He is intelligent and has a professional job, which requires him to use his brain and his diary, but at home he just seems to fail to think ahead.

i wont waste my time reading your ink l@TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu

Of course not, learning things might hurt your delicate lady-brain.

I imagine the feeling with be mutual 😆

He should def plan better bad needs to make the effort to. Even if he does find it hard to organise himself, if he can successfully hold down a professional job then he is capable of learning how to organise.
Def don't feel bad if he didn't make it, totally not your fault.
Also, it wouldn't be fair for your toddler either to be woken up not to mention much needed time out for you.

Thing is @Crumpetdisappointment how do you justify the fact that he was ALREADY going to be late for his lunch, even if the op had leapt up immediately?He was going to be keeping his adult daughter waiting for a fair bit of time purely through lack of looking ahead. That's two women who he apparently assumes are have nothing better to do than work around him...which by way, is an example of internalised misogyny...another is the man who asked me "love" if he could go ahead in the queue as he only had one item....I only had 3 and I bet a million pounds he wouldn't have asked a man. I said no. Women do not have to inconvenience themselves for a man. They might on occasion choose to, but it's not obligatory.

You sound like a barrel of laughs

This is fairly typical behaviour….I am guessing like most mothers you take over the planning which they completely take for granted and are then surprised when things go wrong if they are left to their own devices. Yes he needs to stew in his own consequences.

what is even worse is when they even have the temerity to criticise you for your careful planning

@Callmenat why? Please explain exactly what's so wrong with what I posted?

My golden rule in life OP is 'never get involved in other people's arrangements'. It has served me very well over the years!

And with that – feminists are no fun ✅ – my misogyny bingo card is full! Great game, everyone.

@@bussteward
i dont think that was the point of the thread
you made it your point, as did others

i (sic) wont (sic) waste my time reading your ink (sic) I (sic) @Crumpetdisappointment

Not feminists necessarily, just this particular one

again @bussteward
not relevant,
just your opinion

@Crumpetdisappointment of course it is the point of the thread. The op who is a female is asking if she's being U to mind that her male partner expects her to pick up his slack organisation. To be fair, the answer would still be no if her partner was female or the roles were reversed but as is usually the case, a discussion widens from the specific scenario to the general point, hence my further example of internalised misogyny. Your response to my post is absolutely typical of the view that women who refuse to play the game must be bitter, man hating, lonely harridans. If you had the slightest knowledge about me, my male partner or many friends who love me dearly, I assume you'd be somewhat surprised.