Avoiding an aquintance's holiday brags without coming off as a jealous hag

[AltyDalty]

Someone I know and see regularly on (group setting, we are not technically friends but frequent exchange of polite conversations) is a very well-to-do woman, living in a very nice house, expensive fashions and takes holidays abroad regularly (I mean like 5 times a year at least!). It's really doing my head in and for the sake of my mental wellness I muted/hid her profiles on social media. I get the usual advice that I shouldn't be envious, social media is not real and only displays curated version of her life bla bla... but everytime I see her living her best life I get pang of jealousy and puts me in a rotten mood all day. Now I'm not alone in this, someone else within the group also feels the same and we do often talk smack about her in private. I don't know if there are more others around feels the same but I suspect.

Yesterday out of curiosity I checked on her profile and she completed her climb to Mera Peak in Nepal which as she wrote one of her biggest dream, the post got so many responses (but I do notice only 1 or two people we mutually befriend reacted). When she returns to the country, AIBU if I don't congratulate her and pretend that I don't know about her milestone travel? If she brings that up my plan is to respond very minimally like "uhm ok" as I just can't fake it. I'm not happy for her.

yes you would be, but it’s understandable.

is it jealousy as to how she got her money?

If you're only passing friendly conversation in group settings and aren't friends, I'd remove her from social media.

That way if she tells you in conversation she's been somewhere you can have a few minutes small talk and move on.

Keeping her on social media and then wasting your time bitching about her to someone else is a waste of headspace.

Why is this person having such an effect on you? She's not friends or family

Theres tons of people affording things that ideally you would want, why are you so influenced or jealous of this person?

I admit I dont get jealousy for stuff like this, arrange nice things for yourself, (affordable equivalents) and enjoy your life

Well she’s not doing anything wrong. If your main source of jealousy is social media rather than her bragging constantly over coffee, you’re being very unreasonable.
I’ll be honest though this is why I got rid of social media. Comparison is the thief of joy.

You clearly don't like her so why not just remove her from social media? You don't need to pretend to be friends

So someone has realised one of their dreams, is wealthy, and you bitch about her behind her back.

You haven't said one word about her bragging apart from the fact you don't like her posting her pictures from her travels.

She'd probably not lose any sleep over you unfriending her tbh.

Unfollow or mute her from your social media - sounds like she’s happy and living her best life, maybe you should try improving yours then you’d have less time to feel jealous

I'd remove her as a fb friend, and maybe have a break from social media.

That's what I do when I feel as you are, and it makes me feel better.

well, if you have access to a flushing toilet today, you are in the better off half of the human race, so it is a bit silly to let jealousy of someone else also in the better of half of the human race make you bitter and spiteful.

YOU need to work on being grateful for what you have, take her off your social media and stop wasting your energy

She is living rent free in your head, it’s you that needs to deal with this and decide how you do so. It’ll reflect on you whether you respond with a “well done” or ok to her achievement

ultimately though you need to evict her out of you head and leave that space fir your own achievements to come, how and what you’re doing with your life.

Just unfriend her.

And stop being mean about her with people, you don't like her, just leave her alone.

I know this is more of a me problem than a her problem, but I also feels that it is so tone deaf to live that kind of lifestyle when so many people are suffering, also nonchalantly shoving it unto our face when she knows we (the people she know) can't afford that life.

For the sake of your mental wellness you muted her. And then you went and had a look anyway. Why?

She's entitled to spend her money however she chooses.

Are you saying that if you went on holiday somewhere amazing you wouldn't put pictures on social media? I mean it's a bit silly to do it "live" but when you're back home?

You did this to yourself by intentionally clicking on her profile even after muting her, you sought out the jealousy. I think you need to overcome your self esteem issues and probably just get off social media.

Yes that's not good OP. You have some sort of jealous obsession with her?

I lived abroad a lot when younger - adventure holidays are not an attraction now, cold bedrooms, strange food (and the ensuing bowel issues), lack of sleep, naaah. A nice cosy CLEAN bedroom and good food are more important now.

So weird.
So it's tone deaf to choose to spend your money on holidays in case @AltyDalty is offended.
Please unfriend her. She deserves better.

So now you’re saying she shouldn’t go on holidays because it’s “tone deaf”. You don’t like her, are jealous/judgey of her so remove her from social media and move on. Don’t try to blame her for your green-eyed monster. You don’t know what’s going on in her life or how she might do charity wise etc.

It’s not at all tone deaf to post things that you can’t afford to do online - if you don’t like it then unfollow. Jealousy isn’t something to embrace op, it’s toxic, but you’re excusing it and being mean about this woman to your friend- does any of that behaviour make you happy or proud of yourself?

I know this is more of a me problem than a her problem, but I also feels that it is so tone deaf to live that kind of lifestyle when so many people are suffering, also nonchalantly shoving it unto our face when she knows we (the people she know) can't afford that life
It's definitely a you problem!

You've actively gone looking at her social media and then you sit and bitch about this woman to another friend. She's not shoving it in your face at all. You're obsessed with her.

Just unfriend her if you are jealous. I do get cross when the expression mental wellness is a see to mean envy! Mental illness is serious, every Tom, dick and Harry going on about it belittles those with real problems that aren't to do with normal human emotions like jealousy. Small talk in a social setting will often involve those in different life positions, if someone asks me how I am, or what have I been up to, am I meant to lie in case it upsets your feelings?

But she hasn’t done anything wrong?!

I don’t think this has gone right, as you’re not coming off well at all.

I do.. but the rare occasions I get to holiday were in Wales or Lyme Regis. Hardly anyone will be jealous from what I posted. Rubbing to people faces about Maldives when people you know at home worry about gas is just unsavory imho.

Of course she can holiday, but I'm also entitled to feel what I feel about her holidays since she's putting them out there.

Not everyone is in financial constraint in this cost of living crisis. Why shouldn't people post things they do? Especially one that was someone's dream. Your jealousy is your problem, do her a favour and unfriend her.