Avoiding an aquintance's holiday brags without coming off as a jealous hag

[AltyDalty]

Someone I know and see regularly on (group setting, we are not technically friends but frequent exchange of polite conversations) is a very well-to-do woman, living in a very nice house, expensive fashions and takes holidays abroad regularly (I mean like 5 times a year at least!). It's really doing my head in and for the sake of my mental wellness I muted/hid her profiles on social media. I get the usual advice that I shouldn't be envious, social media is not real and only displays curated version of her life bla bla... but everytime I see her living her best life I get pang of jealousy and puts me in a rotten mood all day. Now I'm not alone in this, someone else within the group also feels the same and we do often talk smack about her in private. I don't know if there are more others around feels the same but I suspect.

Yesterday out of curiosity I checked on her profile and she completed her climb to Mera Peak in Nepal which as she wrote one of her biggest dream, the post got so many responses (but I do notice only 1 or two people we mutually befriend reacted). When she returns to the country, AIBU if I don't congratulate her and pretend that I don't know about her milestone travel? If she brings that up my plan is to respond very minimally like "uhm ok" as I just can't fake it. I'm not happy for her.

So why are you "hate watching" her? Stop it. If I put my hand on the oven and it burns then I stop doing it. If I keep on doing it knowing it will cause me distress and pain then thats entirely my fault isnt it?

@swayingpalmtree exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I've never read a thread like it.

I have a VERY wealthy friend. I bloody love seeing her holiday pics!. She's worked hard to get where she is and I've cheered her the whole way. Coz she's my friend and I bloody want the best for her. But this person isn't even your friend. Just mute, move on x

This must be wind up because with every post it gets worse

thats how I feel - happy for others who can do whatever/go wherever and I would have hoped the same for my friends about me.

I think being excited about a friends holiday when you can't afford to go as pp described is extreme. You don't have to be jumping for joy art other people doing things you want to do. Envy is natural. Not wanting to talk about it or see it is normal too. Especially since this woman is not actually OP's friend, why should she be happy?

I think the part where OP went wrong was saying she talks smack about this woman. Because she hasn't actually done anything. You can be envious and not want to hear about holidays without doing that.

i can understand jealousy and i can understand not wanting to know aanything about her supposedly great life, i have someone in my life that makes me feel like that too.

BUT You sound bitter and i wouldnt want my life to be filled with extra negativity. I DO feel happy for the person in my life, i just feel unhappy about my life in comparison but that doesnt mean my jealousy has to turn me into a bitter horrible negative person because that would just make my life 10 times worse. right now im trying to instead better my life, so i dont have to judge myself on others accomplishments.

This is no way to live your life.

You know you have an envy problem, you ‘hate-watch’ her social media in order to arm yourself and wind yourself up ready to to tear her to pieces behind her back to someone else?

Do you see that the problem is entirely you? And that this woman isn’t doing anything wrong?

Bloody hell. What’s the matter with you?

Oh for goodness sake! I'd love to climb that peak too and would enjoy seeing someone else do it, next best thing to me doing it tbh. Everyone can spend their money how they like.

Yes I can see why you're not friends. I can't stand jealous people and they never can be real friends.
The Colc is just the latest excuse for the fun police to have a go at people for daring to spend money and enjoy themselves.
Personally I love looking at people's holiday photos, it sometimes gives me inspiration for where we can go next.

But something about her just irks me from time to time.

The fact she's got more money than you. That's what irks you. You wouldn't be bothered if you could afford it. You're just a jealous person, and it's not an attractive quality.

A lot of things are natural, but something being ‘natural’ is not the same thing as it being a quality that is above either negative judgement or challenge.

OP is going out of her way to indulge in her envy by seeking out this woman’s social media and bitching with her friend*

*apparently a friend by virtue of their joint bitterness. I imagine they would be quick to turn on each other if either got to do something the other couldn’t.

So much this. I am prone to a bit of jealousy from time to time but I try to focus on how unbelievably lucky I am compared to 90% of the world's population. It's all about attitude and expectation - and when something goes badly wrong in life I think you do get a valuable shot of perspective. It's just a shame it doesn't last without conscious effort.

What a way to live 🤡

Blimey that must be exhausting for you op. What a miserable way to live.

It’s so obsessive though, sitting looking at her social media and then planning your reaction in advance, it’s really unhealthy. I feel bad for you, I really do.

Talk smack, hate watching?? Jeez you sound absolutely horrible quite honestly

Jealousy is such an ugly and pointless emotion.
If only you could find the courage to remove yourself from the poor woman's life 😕.

I think the other thing ro point out op. Is as you give this woman so much thought and are now planning on how to react the next time you see her, you really need to remember she’s literally not going to care either way. Whether you congratulate her or not she’s likely not going to even notice.

It’s interesting that your opening post made no mention of it being “tone deaf” and insensitive to others. That only came in when you didn’t get replies along the lines of “Oh yes, it’s so vulgar when people boast about their holidays on social media, no class; they’ll regret their boasting when they get burgled” - which is what I think you were expecting.

You went searching for something you knew you wouldn’t like reading and are now surprised to find it annoyed you. And because you didn’t get the validation you were expecting, you’ve gone down the “But what about the poor people, it’s so insensitive“ route - and I don’t think it’s fooling anyone.

Quelle surprise.

Unfriend or u follow - job done.

I do understand jealousy and I’m very grateful that when I was going through infertility there was no social media so I wasn’t constantly confronted with photos of scans or baby photos. That said I enjoy seeing photos of friends’ kids now, seeing how they are growing etc. I’ve also had some amazing holidays in recent years but see no reason why I shouldn’t share them. Genuine friends won’t think you are showing off, they’ll be happy for you. OP for your own peace of mind I think you should mute this person, at least for a while.

I got defriended on FB by someone who thought I was bragging about holidays. The truth being that I probably spent as much on 4 holidays as a lot of people spend on one holiday as we travel light on Ryanair and stay in basic but nice apartments. The photos on FB were for my memories and every day I look forward to seeing the memories for that day. In these days where photos don’t get printed out and could be lost if you lost your phone etc I feel FB offers a good way of storing them. Of course I’d be totally shafted if FB ceased to exist!

‘Ignorance is bliss’ they say..

Unfollowing and distancing yourself from this woman as much as possible would be best in your situation.

I can understand your frustration though, I can’t stand people who brag or boast about themselves all the time. From the sounds of it wouldn’t hurt for her to be a bit more humble.

You just need to block her out and focus on what you have to be grateful for and look toward making positive changes for yourself.