Avoiding an aquintance's holiday brags without coming off as a jealous hag

[AltyDalty]

Someone I know and see regularly on (group setting, we are not technically friends but frequent exchange of polite conversations) is a very well-to-do woman, living in a very nice house, expensive fashions and takes holidays abroad regularly (I mean like 5 times a year at least!). It's really doing my head in and for the sake of my mental wellness I muted/hid her profiles on social media. I get the usual advice that I shouldn't be envious, social media is not real and only displays curated version of her life bla bla... but everytime I see her living her best life I get pang of jealousy and puts me in a rotten mood all day. Now I'm not alone in this, someone else within the group also feels the same and we do often talk smack about her in private. I don't know if there are more others around feels the same but I suspect.

Yesterday out of curiosity I checked on her profile and she completed her climb to Mera Peak in Nepal which as she wrote one of her biggest dream, the post got so many responses (but I do notice only 1 or two people we mutually befriend reacted). When she returns to the country, AIBU if I don't congratulate her and pretend that I don't know about her milestone travel? If she brings that up my plan is to respond very minimally like "uhm ok" as I just can't fake it. I'm not happy for her.

Can't you just be happy for others. I love it when good things happen, life is miserable otherwise. Are you happy when bad things happen to people ?

You are being ridiculous. You are the one with a massive issue.

I've just been away for a long weekend abroad and posted some pictures.

I barely paid a penny for my holiday though as my dp had flight vouchers and we stayed with his family. No-one else would know that though so maybe they think I am rich and bragging...which is quite funny as I am neither!

It's not that it's "more of a you issue than her", it's an ALL YOU issue. So what if someone is out there enjoying life and able to afford to do so. Either use that jealousy to better your own life and opportunities, or somehow learn to get over it.

I'm not a social media poster, so only my close family know what we get up to. If I posted to social media every time we done something people would think the same of me. But even at a time in my life when I was beyond skint, I didn't enrage myself with jealousy and bitch about someone with money, I channelled my energy into how can I get a better lifestyle for my family. And here I am, with said better lifestyle.

If you can’t control your jealousy then you need to stop being friends with her.

She is not doing anything wrong and she shouldn’t have to change her lifestyle because you can’t cope with the fact she’s done better in life than you have.

Your holidays posts are also insensitive as the majority of people in the UK can’t even afford a camping trip in this country.
So you are being a hypocrite.

I am the complete opposite of you.
I’ve never been abroad and if I can ever afford it it won’t be anywhere amazing and so I live through my friends and colleagues holidays.
I always ask them to show me the photos and tell me everything they did.

Of course I’d love to go myself but I don’t get jealous as I share it with them in a different way and if they hadn’t gone then I wouldn’t see the real photos or what it was actually like, which you can’t usually get off the internet.

Going back to the basics… if you are not close why do you follow her? If you resent her posts, why do you go and check them?

If you are a jealous person it is simple to avoid the triggers.

You are being an absolute dick for slagging her off behind her back and you should feel ashamed of yourself. This person has done nothing wrong. How would you feel if your so called "friends" or even aquaintances were slagging you off in a private whatsapp chat for bragging about your holiday in Wales because they couldnt even afford heating/food/rent?

You are also being incredibly stupid because instead of wallowing in negative envy, you should be learning from her and you are wallowing because feeling envy is clearly giving you some kind of pay back otherwise you wouldnt keep doing it. The best advice I got with regards to being more successful was not from people who constantly struggled, it was from people who had the kind of success I also wanted to emulate. Thats not disrespecting those who are struggling but if you aspire to be like someone then you take advice from THEM because they are clearly achieving similar goals you also have. It was from taking advice and learning from the people who lifestyles I once envied that allowed me to be more successful in my own life and it was invaluable. Ask yourself what is this bitterness giving you?- is it allowing you to stay in the "victim role" and giving you excuses not to take your own action? Once you find out whats underneath excessive jealousy it can be extremely revealing.

‘Oh no! I specifically go looking for things I know I won’t like, how dare she rub them in my face!’

as if putting your face in her business isn’t an active choice your making, presumably to mine for material to bitch about with your equally bitter friends.

Good for her though, I hope she’s having an amazing time. You maybe say seething about her, but rest assured she won’t be thinking about you at all.

I’m actually amazed by your post and that you’re unashamed too. That you’re jealous for no reason (sounds like she’s not actually done anything to you) and you proudly bitch about her with someone else. Those are the traits of a really unpleasant person and I would rethink how you approach life, that you hate someone so much simply because they have more money than you.

Also think you should do the decent thing and leave the friendship group, and find others who are like you, both in terms of wealth and attitudes to those who have wealth.

You’re really something. 😳

“How dare you have anything nice, you fucking bitch, I’ve got less.”

YANBU for being envious of someone who has more than you. I'd agree it's tone deaf if she boasts about it to the group and dominates conversations with tales of her travels when she knows you all can't afford it - but it doesn't sound like she's doing that . You are completely unreasonable to expect her not to do those things because others can't, that is ridiculous. If she simply posts pictures of her travels on her own social media, and that is winding you up, then you need to get off her pages and stay off.

An old school mum acquaintance of mine is on FB all the time boasting about being at Claridges, attending Louis Vuitton exclusive parties in Paris, going on amazing holidays, buying offensively expensive things. She has no filter and posts these things on a day when there’s a big news story about the coat of living crisis etc. I just find her hilariously crass tbh and wouldn’t want to unfollow her as it’s all so cringe, it’s highly entertaining.

I mean I really look down on people who holiday in Wales and Lyme Regis. It’s not really a holiday is it, just visiting a rainy dump and calling it a holiday. Would never visit anywhere like that in a million years. A holiday needs to be abroad. And im
entitled to feel that way because you told us you holiday there.

Thanks @gogohmm you’ve restored my faith in womenkind a little

thats how I feel - happy for others who can do whatever/go wherever and I would have hoped the same for my friends about me.

sadly not everyone can be happy for others

This makes me think you have more issues than I thought you came across in the op

I think this is more and more your problem

You’ve got proper issues going on @AltyDalty - not just a “bit” of a you problem.

It’s not particularly odd to be jealous. But actively searching out the posts? That’s fucked up.

As for talking “smack” - maybe grow up in both your language and actions? That’s nasty of you. Definitely proper issues. Stop being a dick.

It's a bit tone deaf to post that you get away to Wales sometimes.

I can't remember the last time I had any sort of holiday.

Read the room op, and stop boasting.

Oh I just say uber brightly
"Gosh that sounds like great fun!"
And change the subject. I have a boss who is a very nice man indeed but a somewhat tone deaf when he talks about his second home in the sun, his trips to America twice a year and popping off to see various Grand Prix. I employ the above

This is 100% on you. You go looking for her SM posts and then bitch about her showing off. Jealously is a really unpleasant emotion and I imagine it's not limited to just this woman. You need to understand your behaviours before you start criticising others.

A bit yes.. especially Beckham during Brooklyn's wedding. Something about her dress and the extravagance of the nuptial got into me a bit.

Still they don't ire me nearly as much as a person I know irl.

I know I have problem with envy though I don't go around and be salty in front of people lol

I know I have problem with envy though I don't go around and be salty in front of people lol

No, you just find people who have the same attitude as you and sit being miserable and salty together.

People like you haven’t been raised right. You should have been taught from an early age that jealousy is defect of character and won’t make your life any better.

That's what I'm experiencing.. her life through the lens of SM gives me all sorts of negative emotions.. but I entertain myself by hate-watching her every moves. Not that I hate her, I definitely do not wish harm on her. But something about her just irks me from time to time.

Try focusing on people who are worse off than you to regain perspective.

You are unlikely to ever have that kind of cash and are spending your best years feeling dissatisfied which is such a waste.