Avoiding an aquintance's holiday brags without coming off as a jealous hag

[AltyDalty]

Someone I know and see regularly on (group setting, we are not technically friends but frequent exchange of polite conversations) is a very well-to-do woman, living in a very nice house, expensive fashions and takes holidays abroad regularly (I mean like 5 times a year at least!). It's really doing my head in and for the sake of my mental wellness I muted/hid her profiles on social media. I get the usual advice that I shouldn't be envious, social media is not real and only displays curated version of her life bla bla... but everytime I see her living her best life I get pang of jealousy and puts me in a rotten mood all day. Now I'm not alone in this, someone else within the group also feels the same and we do often talk smack about her in private. I don't know if there are more others around feels the same but I suspect.

Yesterday out of curiosity I checked on her profile and she completed her climb to Mera Peak in Nepal which as she wrote one of her biggest dream, the post got so many responses (but I do notice only 1 or two people we mutually befriend reacted). When she returns to the country, AIBU if I don't congratulate her and pretend that I don't know about her milestone travel? If she brings that up my plan is to respond very minimally like "uhm ok" as I just can't fake it. I'm not happy for her.

I tend to think that people who post lots in social media about holidays/birthdays/living the dream are generally empty inside and trying very hard to find fulfilment. Like couples who always holiday with other people never just the two of them! You wonder if they have very little to say to each other in private.

Anyway just delete her off your social media snd no you don't have to mention her holiday unless she does then just reply 'how nice!' and that's enough. Climbing a mountain sounds like sticking pins in my eyes so you don't have to gush to her why should you.

Don't bitch about her in RL though behind her back that's not nice. On here fine 😂😂

I do.. but the rare occasions I get to holiday were in Wales or Lyme Regis. Hardly anyone will be jealous from what I posted.

How tone deaf of you. What about the people who can't afford any kind of holiday? So it's ok for you to do it, but not her because she has more money and goes to more exotic places.

Good grief I would much prefer the stunning beauty of wales to airport queues/covid filled planes/flight delays/ waiting for your bags/ dust and dirt and dodgy tummy.

Each to their own though

Very strange

@AltyDalty

So I shouldn't post pictures of my holiday in case someone I know (who isn't even a friend ) can't afford a holiday ... ummm sounds a bit intolerant to me.

Friends of mine are in Mauritius at the moment, i can't afford it but I'm enjoying seeing their posts because they are my friends, I'm only friends on Facebook with actual friends I care about. Should I not post about watching a band in the local pub because some people can't afford to go? Where do we stop, let's only post about the weather???

Doesn't that race to the bottom ever get boring OP?

Yep. 😀 There's always someone worse off.

There's also always someone better off. Just stop doing it to yourself, OP.

Is the person you want to be someone jealous and spiteful? Stop looking at her SM and stop badmouthing her, just get on with your own life. She's not doing anything to you, you're doing it to yourself.

But everyone can be jealous of someone on social media
The person who wants a baby and sees others with a baby, the person that owns/has just bought a house, the person has a bigger garden/ just bought a new car
should no one do/post anything as someone else might be jealous?
Other people might be inspired to go somewhere new by her pictures or the money that she spends on holiday helps local families live!
Just unfriend her and do things that make you happy in life and let her do the things that make her happy.

Posting a holiday photo isn’t rubbing people’s noses in it, posting holiday photos is a fairly normal thing to do and most people that have Facebook are going to post a holiday photos.

Your jealousy of this particular person is very strange. It is not “more a you problem” it is totally a you problem. Surely you see signs every day that there are people that are better off than you, you must also know that you are better off than well over half the planet.

Isn’t 90% of social media effectively boasting in some capacity?
I’d stay away as it is bothering you.

OP: AIBU

Everyone: Yes

OP: but nasty, rich lady uses SM so I am entitled to hate her.

Ok. You sound like a petulant child.."It's not fair".

Maybe channel your energies into something more positive.

I was once Facebook friends with someone who is married to a mega rich man and lives the lifestyle that goes with it. She regularly posted about her fantastic holidays, these posts were sometimes commented on by other friends who lived similar lifestyles and it became obvious that there was a lot of competition going on with who could mention the most exotic destination. Mostly I let it wash over me but one day when I was feeling particularly fed up I added to the long list of comments following her latest trip with, "We haven't been away since our 5 days in a caravan in Weymouth 6 months ago." It did stop the conversation dead although some time later I realised I hadn't seen any of her posts for a while, I then discovered I had been unfriended.

It doesn't sound like you like her very much, so why are you remaining friends with her? Just unfriend on social media and stop hanging out with her, that way you don't have to look at her posts or listen to her, and no lying is involved. Simple.

You sound awful, yourself tone deaf, jealous and bitchy.

So I’m going on holiday twice this year, does this mean I can’t tell my 3 closest friends as they can’t afford to, or in fact not go?

How do you know someone isn't looking at your pictures when you do that thinking "she's splashing the cash a bit I can't even afford this week's food shopping"

@AltyDalty yanbu to find her annoying. I don't care about anyone else's holiday, I can't think of anything more boring to talk about.

But she hasn't done anything wrong. The issue is you feel pressured to talk about it - just don't. And you hate the social media pics - mute or discretely unfollow.

Tbh, if she has LOADS of money, I'd be less jealous than if it was your average person going on 5+ holidays. Because you know it's not the norm anyway.

Shouldn't you ask mummy before you post on MN? How old are you?
You are just jealous.
Trying the 'It's really doing my head in and for the sake of my mental wellness...' is an insult to those with genuine MH issues?
Grow up

@AltyDalty you need to sort your mental health out my lovely. This isn’t healthy and it’s not her fault. Just unfollow and stop peeking at her SM. Focus on you, what you have and be grateful not bitter. Good luck

I don't think its tone deaf. She is not your friend to be fair on the lady. You can delete her, why haven't you??

Thousands of people go on nice holidays. What is so awful about this particular woman doing it? It doesn't make any sense

Social media creates so many problems. The problem with it imho is people feel under pressure to 'be impressive', to showboat and to show their lives in a certain light. I've been off social media for a long time and feel loads better for it, it was making me feel uncomfortable being a part of it.

I bet OP wouldn't worry about being tone deaf if she was the one in the Maldives.

OP, sorry YABU

Me too!

She’s not a friend so unfriend her if it bothers you.

Jealousy makes people bitter and I’ve noticed that those who don’t compare themselves and feel jealous are often much happier.