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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad taking a bath with young child

275 replies

Demjay · 23/03/2023 22:43

Please help:
would you consider it normal for a dad to share a bath with his children : say 3-5 years? If you had other concerns , would this be a red flag , or is this just totally ordinary / acceptable dad behaviour?

OP posts:
dancingdaisies · 23/03/2023 23:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

youbitchesaretwats · 23/03/2023 23:04

@Demjay yes most people think it's fine that a father baths with his DC!

I used to love it, kids were safe, I could go sit down, and here them splashing happily together, lots of laughs and giggles and two clean (usually slightly wrinkled) children at the end.

Perfect!

Albiboba · 23/03/2023 23:04

So no man should bathe his own children, share a bed with them … and what? A father shouldn’t change a nappy or dress a child because they are a man?

There is nothing at all weird about a father having a bath with his own young children. It’s not difficult when it’s a mother.

Original poster
Demjay · 23/03/2023 23:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ok thank you for answering my question.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 23/03/2023 23:06

It's absolutely fine. No different to a mum sharing with her children.

youbitchesaretwats · 23/03/2023 23:06

Stop being so bloody mysterious @Demjay !

How the hell can we advise. With the half stories and innuendo!

Either give us the facts or expect that no one can help.

LuluBlakey1 · 23/03/2023 23:08

DH bathed/showered with ours until they were about 3-4.
DS1 is 8 now and likes to have a shower or bath himself. He can't be doing with DD (5). DS2 (3) and DD bath together but DS2 will still get in with DH or me.

BlackBarbies · 23/03/2023 23:08

jc12689 · 23/03/2023 23:01

This is a really strange post OP. You're really drip feeding information. It's almost like you want everyone to say YABU so you can prove everyone wrong with a massive revelation.

Literally😂 what is the need for all this mystery?!

Onthenosecco · 23/03/2023 23:09

Also, when a family member is sexually abusing a child; they tend to go to great lengths to hide it, rather than doing things that others would question (like bedsharing or sharing a bath)

SorryButThatsAFact · 23/03/2023 23:10

Perfectly normal, if there are no other alarm bells.

barmycatmum · 23/03/2023 23:12

Demjay · 23/03/2023 22:55

Because 98% of sexual abusers are male. The overwhelming majority of child sex abuse is committed by men. It’s exceptionally rare for a mother to sexually abuse her own children.

Show quote history

EXACTLY f*cking this.
I am SO sick of the tedious mumsnet infection we have lately, of people flipping it “if you were a man,”

it’s so predictable, so idiotic, so brainless, and completely not applicable because men can be a MASSIVE problem.

x2boys · 23/03/2023 23:12

Demjay · 23/03/2023 22:55

Because 98% of sexual abusers are male. The overwhelming majority of child sex abuse is committed by men. It’s exceptionally rare for a mother to sexually abuse her own children.

Show quote history

The vast majority of men don't sexually abuse their kids either ,if you have valid concerns then by all means raise them but it's ridiculous to.right off half the population even on mumsnet.

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 23:12

The children are still very young and it's probably good for nudity to be normal at such a young age, especially with their own parents. Like PP the other concerns is what may change this

BlackBarbies · 23/03/2023 23:14

To answer your question tho, I probably wouldn’t like it if my kid’s dad bathed with them but there’s so many reasons why.

  1. I’ve never bathed with either of my kids as I think it’s just unnecessary.
  2. There dad is 6”4 so he can barely fit in the bath as it is. There’d be no space for either of our kids unless they sit on his lap or something?

Personally I just find it weird. Not because it’s a man sharing a bath with the kids but I’m not a fan of either parent sharing with their kids. I don’t judge any parent who does it (before people jump on me!) but I just think it isn’t for my household

DelurkingAJ · 23/03/2023 23:14

Perfectly normal. DS2 (7) still demands to have a shower with DH if DH happens to be showering roughly at ‘bath time’. DS2 will also climb into my bath given half a chance. DS1 (10) now wouldn’t. I see this as a natural progression. But at 5, yes, both boys would have been in with either of us like a shot given the chance. If ill both boys will bedshare too…DS2 would be up for it every night but sleeps like an over animated starfish and is therefore not allowed to!

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 23:14

SD1978 · 23/03/2023 22:53

Sorry- it's no different to mum bathing with the kids. Either on your home/opinion it's wrong for both, or for neither. Personally- I see it as fine. Unless the children are uncomfortable with it.

This too. I don't see how it's ok for mum, but not dad. That's odd.

Bloopsie · 23/03/2023 23:15

My husband would prefer to have bath on his own..he gets about 3 minutes then kids bang on the door,demand or get in without asking and my husbands like he is not going to fit in there anymore and leaves :)

Imo its fine when kids are that little and they want to get in themselves,at some point it will change

youbitchesaretwats · 23/03/2023 23:15

@barmycatmum if you feel that strongly, don't have children.

Because demonising a loving father and partner, just because they're make is ridiculous,

If you do have children, what will you do if god forbid, you have a son...

x2boys · 23/03/2023 23:17

barmycatmum · 23/03/2023 23:12

EXACTLY f*cking this.
I am SO sick of the tedious mumsnet infection we have lately, of people flipping it “if you were a man,”

it’s so predictable, so idiotic, so brainless, and completely not applicable because men can be a MASSIVE problem.

Show quote history

The irony 🙄

oakleaffy · 23/03/2023 23:18

ObamaLlamas · 23/03/2023 22:45

Normal, my husband does it sometimes with our kids but he does wear boxers through his own choice, he doesn't feel comfortable with his privates out around the kids.

This is a very sensible idea.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/03/2023 23:21

Are you a prude?

it’s totally natural for kids to see their parents naked and vica versa.

DrainedNFedUp · 23/03/2023 23:21

No, it’s I find it very inappropriate.

No father should be bathing/showering with their child, I’d be very concerned if he thought it was acceptable to do so.

Upsidedownagain · 23/03/2023 23:21

I think its awful to demonize a man just because he is a man. Most abusers may be male but that doesn't mean the average father is one or most other men, come to that.

But if you have doubts about him for other reasons OP, that's different. And makes this a pointless question.

youbitchesaretwats · 23/03/2023 23:22

DrainedNFedUp · 23/03/2023 23:21

No, it’s I find it very inappropriate.

No father should be bathing/showering with their child, I’d be very concerned if he thought it was acceptable to do so.

Well you must be very shocked at the majority of the posts on here then..

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/03/2023 23:22

Asking the question without the context of the specific situation doesn’t get you accurate answers.

In most families that’s absolutely a normal
thing and not an issue.

In a home with a history of abuse it would be a massive red flag.

In a home with a controlling partner who wouldn’t let his partner out of his sight for a second, not even to give them privacy in the bath and that now seemed to creep to the children = red flag.

Asking questions without context is basically as useful as asking a totally different question.

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