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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

470 replies

SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:14

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

OP posts:
CiaoTutti · 23/03/2023 10:52

The Jury Service team is very approachable - have you tried to call to defer now given the change in circumstances? You are allowed to defer the date once for up to a year so it might make it easier to find childcare at a later stage.
There is usually a large surplus of jurors in the pool for this reason.

Coffeepot72 · 23/03/2023 10:57

I know it’s not the point of this post, but jury service can leave plenty of normal people up sh*t creek and/or seriously out of pocket. The system need an overhaul

Comefromaway · 23/03/2023 10:59

Coffeepot72 · 23/03/2023 10:57

I know it’s not the point of this post, but jury service can leave plenty of normal people up sh*t creek and/or seriously out of pocket. The system need an overhaul

Exactly this. For someone struggling to make ends meet the financial hit from jury service can really tip things over.

OnGoldenPond · 23/03/2023 10:59

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 09:49

We can't have a situation when jury's only have people who don't have caring responsibilities on it

Why not? As long as there’s diversity in age, sex, etc. why can’t people with caring responsibilities just be excused?

Because people with caring responsibilities are predominantly women so we would end up with an underrepresentation of women of approximately 20 to 40 years old - a worrying omission which does have serious implications for the administration of justice.

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:03

we would end up with an underrepresentation of women of approximately 20 to 40 years old

No we wouldn’t. Every woman in that age range doesn’t have caring responsibilities in fact, with women having families later, the majority of 20 to 40 year olds don’t.

OnGoldenPond · 23/03/2023 11:04

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 09:35

You misinterpreted my post which was based purely on economics. If I could earn £2k in ten days and faced a £1k fine for not doing ten days jury service, it would obviously make financial sense to go to work and pay the fine.

But she could also get a criminal record - is that worth £1k?

It DEFINITELY would result in a criminal conviction, that is where the fine comes from- the court hands it down.

A criminal conviction has such far reaching consequences that no way could it be worth risking just to earn a few quid. I bet the OP's DH would see it differently if it was going to be him up in court! Angry

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/03/2023 11:04

If you just go and leave him with the children without notice, do you trust him enough to actually stay? Because in your first post you have him saying that his children are not his problem.

CiaoTutti · 23/03/2023 11:04

CiaoTutti · 23/03/2023 10:52

The Jury Service team is very approachable - have you tried to call to defer now given the change in circumstances? You are allowed to defer the date once for up to a year so it might make it easier to find childcare at a later stage.
There is usually a large surplus of jurors in the pool for this reason.

I should add that I am only suggesting this as it is an option within your control that might resolve the immediate issue. It is unacceptable to be put in this position and risk being in contempt of court.

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/03/2023 11:06

Every woman in that age range doesn’t have caring responsibilities in fact, with women having families later, the majority of 20 to 40 year olds don’t.

The majority of 20 to 40 year old women don't have children or any other caring responsibilities? Maybe in your area, but not in mine.

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:08

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/03/2023 11:06

Every woman in that age range doesn’t have caring responsibilities in fact, with women having families later, the majority of 20 to 40 year olds don’t.

The majority of 20 to 40 year old women don't have children or any other caring responsibilities? Maybe in your area, but not in mine.

Do they all have them continuously for 20 years?

OnGoldenPond · 23/03/2023 11:09

@Blossomtoes but it doesn't have to affect EVERY woman in the age group to skew the demographics of juries. It is a fact that a significant number of those caring for young children are women, and losing them from the jury pool would cause a statistical underrepresentation of women in that age group on juries.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 11:09

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:03

we would end up with an underrepresentation of women of approximately 20 to 40 years old

No we wouldn’t. Every woman in that age range doesn’t have caring responsibilities in fact, with women having families later, the majority of 20 to 40 year olds don’t.

But women of young children have real and valuable experiences and perspectives that can affect the outcome of a trial.

My friend was called for jury service at the end of her latest Mat Leave - she tried to get out of it but ended up doing it. She was put on a domestic violence and coercive control case involving a mother of a 2 year old and her partner.

My friend said she spent a lot of the deliberation trying to get others on the jury to see how easy it can be to isolate a woman with a baby.

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:13

But women of young children have real and valuable experiences and perspectives that can affect the outcome of a trial

Of course they do but there will always be willing women in that position to give that perspective without coercing someone whose circumstances find it difficult. Nobody should be coerced into doing jury service.

rwalker · 23/03/2023 11:13

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 23/03/2023 08:59

OP has already stated that he's not going to lose money.

Show quote history

He’s going to lose a bit chunk of his yearly holidays instead

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:14

Make it difficult, ffs!

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 11:16

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:13

But women of young children have real and valuable experiences and perspectives that can affect the outcome of a trial

Of course they do but there will always be willing women in that position to give that perspective without coercing someone whose circumstances find it difficult. Nobody should be coerced into doing jury service.

I totally disagree with you.

When I was on jury service the people who were excited about being there were the most unfit to serve.

MsWhitworth · 23/03/2023 11:17

The jury service system is absolutely correct in the way it works. Juries are fundamental to any functioning democracy and justice system. Allowing people to easily refuse would just mean you would end up only with those who have the time and funds to spare. Meaning in the main they would be retired and/or wealthy and therefore unrepresentative of society.

We really aren’t asked to do much in the way of civic duty - obey the law and pay your taxes. Jury service is the one other thing that is asked of us and if it was you or your relative or friend in the dock, you’d want a broad representation of people on the jury.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/03/2023 11:17

Have you asked him why? If he's worried about what to do all day maybe he could practice this weekend. I would hope he'd see he can't drop out when you have no alternative ie family on holidays.

whirlyhead · 23/03/2023 11:18

I did jury service a few months ago and only had to rock up two days. Pretty much everyone I know lately who has had jury service has only had to do a day or two.

I'd call them and explain the situation - it's not your fault and they may be amenable.

Kranke · 23/03/2023 11:19

Why did he have children if he doesn’t want to look after them???

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 11:21

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/03/2023 11:17

Have you asked him why? If he's worried about what to do all day maybe he could practice this weekend. I would hope he'd see he can't drop out when you have no alternative ie family on holidays.

Practice being a parent? His eldest is 4 years old - if he hasn't cracked it by now then I don't think one afternoon will make a difference.

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 11:21

Allowing people to easily refuse would just mean you would end up only with those who have the time and funds to spare. Meaning in the main they would be retired and/or wealthy and therefore unrepresentative of society.

That simply isn’t true. By having willing jurors justice would be improved because they’d be committed and interested. It would be perfectly easy to ensure any jury was diverse on any measure without coercion.

cartagenagina · 23/03/2023 11:21

I wouldn’t even ask for a deferral, I would tell him that I had and it wasn’t possible. If I didn’t go, it would be a fine, plus jury service dates again next month.

Then I would leave the night before and pay for a cheap hotel near the court, so he can’t drum up an emergency or leave you in the lurch.

If he isn’t willing to parent his own children, what’s the point of him?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/03/2023 11:25

I'm not justifying his be behaviour. If he could be encouraged to actually stick with his promise of helping and he already has leave this family would be fairer all round. His previous behaviour doesn't come into it.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 11:26

By having willing jurors justice would be improved because they’d be committed and interested.

This simply isn't true. I had someone in my group who was positively gleeful at the idea of convicting someone and said this before they'd heard anything about the case.