To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

[SeekChase]

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

But women of young children have real and valuable experiences and perspectives that can affect the outcome of a trial.

I agree with this and the courts should give women with children an easier time by having a pool of nannies that could be called on or a few creche places reserved nearby and cover those costs in full. Women are being fucked over if they aren't able to take part in a legal process they are entitled to have a say in.

If you allow him to walk all over you like this then it will only get worse from here.

Your husband is happy for you to pay a massive fine, have a note somewhere that police visit you (they might not)

He doesn't value you as equal. You are the childcare provider and that is all.

Your husband is a f'ing idiot sorry. DO NOT get a criminal record and £1000 fine for him which is 100% at least what will happen if you don't go. If you don't trust him not to look after the kids then organise alternative childcare and claim what you can back from the jury service dpt which might be quite a bit. Then think seriously what you're getting out of being with such a loser if he can't even provide basic co-parenting support...

I was called to jury and made a call to them stating I couldn’t go as DH was at work and o had children. They said no problem and excused me.
however if ur DH has agreed that would p me right off. Two parents and he had to accept responsibility

Yes I agree with that. The few people who I know who get excited and want to do it over and over again are quite prejudiced and certainly not my first choice of neutral juror.

We really aren’t asked to do much in the way of civic duty - obey the law and pay your taxes. Jury service is the one other thing that is asked of us and if it was you or your relative or friend in the dock, you’d want a broad representation of people on the jury.

I agree, but the system needs overhauling to ensure people aren’t left dreadfully out of pocket. “Doing your civic duty” is all well and good, providing you can afford it

Agree your DH is being an arse. Leave early and give him no choice - you will definitely be pursued for the fine and I think it’s actually a criminal offence to not show? (I could be wrong on that).
I was on jury service a while ago and was stuck on a long long long trial - many months of service, had a 12 month old DS at the time. Court will pay for excess childcare costs that are incurred as a result of jury service, is there anything you can get sorted such as a childminder or nursery?

I don’t know the answer but you absolutely must show up, even if you show up with the kids in tears. Your dh sounds like a cunt. The jury system is crap though. My dh is also going to be taking annual leave for my jury service. Really aggravating. I look after elderly parents and a child with SEN. And the govt puts zero value on that and thinks I can just attend court.

He’s being completely unreasonable. Get up before he does and leave him with the kids.

This is mental.

You have a legal obligation that means you arent available to look after the children. You have communicated that to him, and he has taken on the responsibility for that time, but doesnt seem to have arranged any childcare nor make himself available.

Have you asked him what childcare arrangements he would put in place if you are jailed for contempt of court?

You don't just call up to defer, it's a formal written online response with valid reasons for deferral. You have a set number of days to respond to the jury summons to defer. You are allowed one deferral and get to pick 3 preferred dates. Unless you quickly join the armed forces I think you may have to do this and not get a criminal conviction because your husband suddenly can't be bothered

I don't know what world you live in, but how many people have got neighbours or school mum acquaintances who would look after their 3 and 1 year olds for a week?!

Well I would have & have friends who would have, but it was an ill judged comment-as has already been pointed out.

Tell the courts this.... And make sure he knows it.

That is awful. I suspect if you wanted to defer it should have been done when you got the summons, but I would try for that immediately and tell the court officials exactly what has happened when you ask. At least another time you hopefully will have family around who can help.

You may not be called, but you won't know until the day before or even the day of the Trial. I was called ( In Scotland though, which works slightly differently) the last full week before Christmas which was a pain as I had so many things organised for lunches, etc. In the end I didn't have to attend the court, but I had to phone on the Sunday night and again on the Monday night before being told I was released from service

What number are you on the citation notice? A higher number, less likely to have to go but not guaranteed

I would just go at 7:30 leaving him with the kids, not phone and try and get out of it.

I'd literally get up before him and leave the house. He can sort out childcare if he STILL wants to go to work. Selfish prick.

I imagine if you did this the courts would 100% turn you and your children away because it's quite obviously a totally inappropriate place for kids to be. They would then laugh at you and prosecute you for not attending anyway and you'd have unnecessarily upset children to add to the mix. Don't listen to such ridiculous advice OP

I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem.

Words fail me. How utterly selfish. Me, Me, Me.

Would put me right off him and give me the ick.

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP.

Doesn't sound like selfishness to me, sounds like being a misogynistic twat. How does he not understand that this isn't your choice and that he needs to care for his own children? I suspect this is one part of a much deeper problem.

Thanks for getting a man to validate what we're thinking. I'm never sure of my position until a man I've never met agrees with me.

@Anotherturnipforthebooks thank you for saying what I was thinking

Surely the joint finances would mean he would have to pay the £1000 fine.

I would remove £1000 from the account and tell him it sucks but that is the fine money you have to pay.

Or because he was supposed to be parenting his children that day then he needs to find alternative childcare.

Obviously the job must be paying more than £1000 for the day otherwise he is going to end up losing money.

You need to ring the courts number on the letter and explain the situation.
Just tell it how it is, ie your db agreed to take time off work and now he refuses to do so. then put it in writing in an email.
If you can’t get childcare there’s not a lot they can do.
Yes your dh is being a complete twat

I'm not sure if it's different in scotland, but I've been excused from jury service 4 times in the last 2 years. I work in a nursery and me being on jury service would have left a us out of ratio so I had to get a letter from my boss to support my excusal request. This time I am on maternity leave and breastfeeding so I applied for excusal again. Nothing has happened I just get another citation a few months later.

Jesus, there are so many people here who just do not know how this stuff works.
If she turns up with kids she won't even get past security to get into the jury waiting area let alone get anywhere near a courtroom or judge to "explain" anything.

OPs options as I see it are:

try to defer (think she said she is doing this today and I reckon she will succeed as they are pretty reasonable people IME)

try to get childcare

dump the kids on their father and go and stay at her holidaying relatives' house for the duration if it is local and they wouldn't mind (and hope she doesn't get put on a 6 week trial)

commit a crime that will result in her being on bail before the start date

become a police or prison officer really quickly