To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

[SeekChase]

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

Well done OP. This man is actively enjoying your distress. What a disgusting specimen.

Wishing you lots of strength x

Well done, OP.

Make sure you clear out the joint accounts.

Well done OP. I've never suggested 'LTB' to anyone, but this is just shocking.

It's bad that he didn't give notice he wouldn't be able to watch kids, not entirely bad he's cautious about sacrificing 10 days income given you are SAHM.

Hope you work it out, doesn't have to spell end of your marriage.

No my parents are away from the Friday 31st and I'm due to start Jury Thursday 30th.

Just had reply from court usher, saying I can defer and to suggest further dates in next 12 months. Thanks to all for advice given x

OP
Take out half the joint account plus £1000 for the fine.

Glad the immediate problem is resolved, but is your idiot husband going to be any more helpful when this comes up again?

Well done and good for you. Do contact Women's Aid for some support. Good luck.

Op, that's fantastic news. Both that you are able to defer, and that your parents are having you and the children stay. Others on this thread have given you advice about who to contact for support, so please make sure you reach out for help and take care of yourself during this time.

It's awful that he's put you through all this stress, but you will look back in the future and see it as a blessing - it's opened your eyes, and you can now move forward.

OP I think moving away from your toxic partner is right for you. It sounds like you’ve given up everything to make a life for your dh at the expense of your own life. Relationships are about support and give and take.
He’s all take. It’s too one sided.
I hope it all works out for you.
He sounds like a right ars

This seems sensible. if you can manage to get it rearranged for dates you can get your parents to look after the kids then you don't have to rely on someone unreliable. I hope you do also manage to leave the controlling selfish git too.

Sorry you’re going through this OP but at least you’ll be free of the controlling arsehole fuck wit soon.

That's brilliant news @SeekChase . So glad your parents have said you can stay with them until you can sort yourself out. I hope you don't have any second thoughts about staying with your DH. He sounds a horrible controlling person and honestly, you will be better off without him, in the long run

Phew well done OP. A huge step in the right direction, on top of leaving your uncaring husband. I'd seriously consider transferring most/all of the cash from your joint bank accounts if you have access to them as I'm willing to bet he will have no conscience in doing so and leaving you up the creek. I think someone suggested contacting Women's Aid but also check if you can claim any benefits www.entitledto.com and thank goodness your parents can house you whilst you sort something out long term. Don't forget to (a) get child benefit for paid Direct to you, get your mail redirected (you can do that online) and out in a child maintenance claim to help with the costs of bringing up your children.

Do not share too much information with "him" whilst you get your ducks in a row - including moving any important documents from your old home to your parents'. Present him with a fait accompli after you have safely moved with the belongings you and your children need. Good luck! 🌹

Why didnt you contact jury service and tell them you are sahm and you cant do it,if your husband is self employed does the jury service expect him to miss out on 5 days of earning for 35 pounds-lol. I personally wouldnt our my husband in that situation I would have looked for a way out of this nonsense.

Maybe read the thread?

Why should she? Her husband was the prick here. Why should she have to try to convince them to let her of, risking contempt, because he’s an abusive arsehole?

Thankfully she’s left him. Because he’s an abusive arsehole. You might have felt differently if your husband had said he’d have the kids and then change his mind at the last moment.

The judicial process underpins our society, it’s a duty when you get called up. There are ways out, but not many as we need a cross section of society to sit in and administer justice.

Why didn't you read the thread properly Bloopsie

A. You can't get excused simple for being a SAHM
B. The husband is NOT self-employed
C. He booked paid holiday from work so the OP DID have childcare but then he "changed his mind" last minute.
D Even self employed people are expected to do Jury Service

Do i read it right,you are uprooting your children and separating because your uusband prioritises bringing money in to put food on the table when costs are increasing weekly over babysitting during jury service- cancel the jury service not the marriage lol. If jury service wants you that badly there they can pay for the childcare.

Ok, we’ve got ourselves a live one…

🙄

@Bloopsie you're either dumb as rocks or on a wind up. Which is it?

I googled and it says if you write to the jury service about the circumstances it will be taken into consideration, even if he wasnt self employed but working for someone,will he have to take a hit on an income?

i personally wouldnt waste my holidays on jury service either, i would spend my free time with my children, seesh people you are such pushoves and the goverment isnt payingn for your time,childcare or expenses and id you dont comply threat of a fine- whos controlling again?

Ok, we have our answer. 😆

Why, i would not take part of unpaid joke like a jury service- my time,my childreb missing out on holidays or our income taking a hit would not be an option so the goverment has another muppet to work for them for free,no thanks. Perhaps its time to get iut of middle ages and join civil law legal system with rest of the developed countries.