Daughter accused of instigating a serious incident. Is she really wrong?

[wasshereallywrong]

I have name changed for this to not link to previous threads as this is outing and I have told people in real life.

I am going to preface this be saying my DD 13 is a gobby little sod so I know she can be annoying and hasn't got the best school record but she has no time for injustice which has led to conflict for her in the past but to todays incident...

My DD has several black friends (we come from a very white area). She was told today that one lad was going around using the N word. This isn't the first time and so she took it upon herself to confront him and tell him it isn't right and it is racist. Like I say she is gobby so I imagine she was heated when she said it. He pushed her away and told her to leave him alone, everyone gathered around and she said she wasn't going to fight and went to move away, he pushed her again and ran off. Two of her friends then caught up with the lad and several punches were thrown. I am not saying the fight was acceptable. It was 2 on 1 and he was hurt and fighting is never ok.

My DD has now been given a day of internal exclusion because she initiated a serious incident. Did she though or did she call out unacceptable racism? Was it not the lad who was using the n word the person who instigated it? I have said that she has to accept that she was wrong to get involved in something that wasn't to do with her but was she wrong? If people don't call out racist behaviour how is it stopped? I am going to be speaking to the head teacher tomorrow as I missed his call today but AIBU to be proud of her for taking a stand against racist behaviour and to be arguing with the punishment for starting this when if he hadn't made the comments it wouldn't have been necessary to 'talk' to him about it. And is the school wrong for punishing someone for calling out this behaviour?

She didn't even "punch a racist". She just mouthed off at one, nearly got herself thumped, then stood and watched her buddies do the punching.

Pretend for a second the safety of your child is far more important than racism. I know it's hard, but make believe for a second.

Now: is it hard to work out whether they should be involved in physical assaults over hearsay? Should your child who you love place themselves in violent situations and make bad, immature decisions that cannot possibly fix the problem? Should they have the common sense to identify they are being used to start a fight, regardless of the pretext.

Or would you like them instead do something constructive like eg refer the situation to someone paid to deal with it fairly. To exercise some basic impulse control and deal with a problem like a civilised person who isn't destined for prison in the near future. To actually do something that will address the problem and not find them in the midst of people being injured and committing criminal offences?

I would be disappointed with my child and concerned for their safety if they made this decision.

It’s not her job to go round investing, judging and punishing injustices in school.
All 4 are in the wrong (if racist language was used).

nearly got herself thumped

Jesus Christ. Do people really 'get themselves' assaulted?

Anyone who punches someone when not in self defence is a thug. It’s not the solution and it doesn’t make someone magically not racist. It’s just an excuse for mindless violence.

Parents who tell their kids that ‘grassing’ is one of the worst things they can do are thug parents raising thug kids

Agree.

I wonder if @hotdiggetydog minds being thumped by people who don’t agree with what she says. After all one rule for all rather than one right?

When they insert themselves into the middle of (or cause?) an incendiary situation, it's an occupational hazard.

I wonder what some of you think should happen to scummy little racists. You think they give a shit about authority? Lol.

Yes. If you choose to get up in someone's face, you risk getting hit. It's self-defence.

Yes. If you choose to get up in someone's face, you risk getting hit. It's self-defence

Gosh I bet you give amazing advice to women with violent partners. After all, how many of them claim they were provoked.

I'd also say if you say racist shit, you risk getting hit.

Surely the first thing to do would be to prove that they are "scummy little racists".

What?

If a man was screaming in his wife's face and she pushed him away, I wouldn't be calling him the victim either.

Yes. If you choose to get up in someone's face, you risk getting hit. It's self-defence.

Nowhere in the OP does it state that she was in anyone's face.

The amount of twists and turns people have taken it upon themselves to add in order to back up their argument is insane.

Oh look everyone, it’s Phil Mitchell.

He didn't "say racist shit" that op's daughter was aware of first hand.

It'd be ok for him to push her though, yea?

And yes, this. Now she was 'screaming' in his face too. 🤣🤣

The OP says he pushed her away and told her to leave him alone. Pushed her away. He didn't go after her. He wanted her to get away from him.

Surely the first thing to do would be to prove that they are "scummy little racists".

Hmm what if you can't because you're not Sherlock Holmes but you believe it's probable based on the fact you've heard them say similar before.

Indeed. Something tells me I'd hate to met that poster's kids down a dark alley. Proudly raising the next generation of mindless thugs 🤦🏼‍♀️

The OP says he pushed her away and told her to leave him alone. Pushed her away. He didn't go after her. He wanted her to get away from him.

Boys who don't want conflict don't resort to violence against girls.

Just leave it at what if you can't...

Pushed her away doesn't mean she was in his face. She could have been stood away from him.

He then went on to push her again as she was walking away.

Were you there, @AllOfThemWitches ? You seem to be able to see things the rest of us can't.