Daughter accused of instigating a serious incident. Is she really wrong?

[wasshereallywrong]

I have name changed for this to not link to previous threads as this is outing and I have told people in real life.

I am going to preface this be saying my DD 13 is a gobby little sod so I know she can be annoying and hasn't got the best school record but she has no time for injustice which has led to conflict for her in the past but to todays incident...

My DD has several black friends (we come from a very white area). She was told today that one lad was going around using the N word. This isn't the first time and so she took it upon herself to confront him and tell him it isn't right and it is racist. Like I say she is gobby so I imagine she was heated when she said it. He pushed her away and told her to leave him alone, everyone gathered around and she said she wasn't going to fight and went to move away, he pushed her again and ran off. Two of her friends then caught up with the lad and several punches were thrown. I am not saying the fight was acceptable. It was 2 on 1 and he was hurt and fighting is never ok.

My DD has now been given a day of internal exclusion because she initiated a serious incident. Did she though or did she call out unacceptable racism? Was it not the lad who was using the n word the person who instigated it? I have said that she has to accept that she was wrong to get involved in something that wasn't to do with her but was she wrong? If people don't call out racist behaviour how is it stopped? I am going to be speaking to the head teacher tomorrow as I missed his call today but AIBU to be proud of her for taking a stand against racist behaviour and to be arguing with the punishment for starting this when if he hadn't made the comments it wouldn't have been necessary to 'talk' to him about it. And is the school wrong for punishing someone for calling out this behaviour?

Perhaps the crowd gathered after he pushed her, like the OP said.

If he hadn't pushed her, he wouldn't have got beaten up.

How far back do you want to take that line of thought?

No I don't think your daughter instigated it. He physically assaulted her and I would be raising hell about this

Id be absolutely proud of her, she punched a racist. Take her out for whatever tea she wants tonight.

Disagree.
Grassing is far worse than what she did.

You may well be right.

It's well on the way to being an adult. And my child has ADHD. I still hold him to high standards of behaviour and decency towards other people.

How far back do you want to take that line of thought?

They probably want to stop there. Considering the actual cause and effect will just blow their mind.

Nah, they'd have swarmed over there the instant they saw her storming along the corridor with her mates, kids saying 'She's going to get him!', laughing and shrieking, running to get the best view at ringside.

It's an unmistakeable sound and crowd dynamic over and above the usual corridor movement that you can spot even before anything actually happens.

It's all very amusing and exciting for the spectators - which is why it's so entertaining for them to make sure they pick the right person to wind up, whether or not the thing they are telling them is true or not.

I don’t think that at all. How odd of you to jump to that conclusion? However I live in the real world where fights rarely erupt out of nowhere. If the OP daughter hadn’t started a row it’s highly unlikely there would have been a fight as a result.

They probably want to stop there. Considering the actual cause and effect will just blow their mind.

You are trying so so hard to offend me. I wonder what is wrong with you and others like you. I mean, you're going on and on and on about how awful you think this 13yo girl has been but take a look at yourself and your own behaviour towards internet strangers. It's downright odd.

I don't think that the *OP's DD has been awful.
I think that she was stupid and may have been played.
But that doesn't mean that if she shouldn't be sanctioned for doing what she did based on hearsay.
As for the rest its just derailing

Yeah my post was actually directed at the guy who keeps responding to me, clearly trying extremely hard to hurt my feelings and waffling on about mystic meg and tarot cards.

Why do you keep misgendering me when I clearly told you I'm female?

I can only assume you're deliberately trying to be offensive.

Dick move. And childish.

The key bit here is 'she was told he was using the n word'
She doesn't know this is true. She didn't hear it. It isn't OK for her to go around confronting people on this basis. She could have reported it to a member of staff. She and her friends chose to make this into a physical incident. Yes, she deserves a consequence.

She’d probably be well advised not to get involved with incidents unless she witnessed them directly, but male on male violence isn’t her fault and she shouldn’t be punished for it.

Grassing? 🙄.

Yes. Telling tales to the teacher. Appalling trait.

Amazing how the op has changed her stance from what a hero my daughter is to she should have dealt with it better.

no shit. The daughter accused someone of a vile offence with no proof...following on the boy was assaulted by the dds friends

no doubt the ops seen the cctv or the dd has told the truth

people are here very willing to assume that the boy was racist..no proof existed then or now

Omfg.

You are one of those parents.

So you'd genuinely prefer a daughter who tells tales rather than punching racists?

Fantastic non parenting.

Indeed.
Thug parents produce thug children.

So now you describe someone who correctly punches racists as a "thug"

Incredible.