Daughter accused of instigating a serious incident. Is she really wrong?

[wasshereallywrong]

I have name changed for this to not link to previous threads as this is outing and I have told people in real life.

I am going to preface this be saying my DD 13 is a gobby little sod so I know she can be annoying and hasn't got the best school record but she has no time for injustice which has led to conflict for her in the past but to todays incident...

My DD has several black friends (we come from a very white area). She was told today that one lad was going around using the N word. This isn't the first time and so she took it upon herself to confront him and tell him it isn't right and it is racist. Like I say she is gobby so I imagine she was heated when she said it. He pushed her away and told her to leave him alone, everyone gathered around and she said she wasn't going to fight and went to move away, he pushed her again and ran off. Two of her friends then caught up with the lad and several punches were thrown. I am not saying the fight was acceptable. It was 2 on 1 and he was hurt and fighting is never ok.

My DD has now been given a day of internal exclusion because she initiated a serious incident. Did she though or did she call out unacceptable racism? Was it not the lad who was using the n word the person who instigated it? I have said that she has to accept that she was wrong to get involved in something that wasn't to do with her but was she wrong? If people don't call out racist behaviour how is it stopped? I am going to be speaking to the head teacher tomorrow as I missed his call today but AIBU to be proud of her for taking a stand against racist behaviour and to be arguing with the punishment for starting this when if he hadn't made the comments it wouldn't have been necessary to 'talk' to him about it. And is the school wrong for punishing someone for calling out this behaviour?

Well you think you do. That's what happens when you make decisions about people with no evidence behind it. Doesn't make it true. People could make judgements about what sort of person you are too. At least there's more evidence for that, based on your words.

He is the victim here.

Classic 😆 clearly a man

So? Then you should have judged that I don't give a flying fuck what some random bloke on the internet thinks of me.

A crowd would not gather round I doubt in her just going up to him and telling him not to use that word . I imagine school have seen the camera recording.

It's just utter madness. If OP's daughter's friends had broken this boy's arm, would that also have been OK? Because he was RUMOURED to have used the n-word?

Can't velieve the amount of posters on this thread saying 'good job!' to violence and vigilantism. What is it about certain alleged crimes that makes us lose our collective critical faculties? Or are PPs merely falling over themselves to virtue signal? How would they feel if it was their son who got punched because someone told someone else that he'd said something?

utter, utter imbecility.

The same place that posters are getting that the boy was definitely racist from.

Random bloke? Who is the random bloke?

So, OP. What have you actually done? Proactively. Emailed Head to ask for a meeting?

I know. No care towards another 13 year old child. Because that child is a white male. So seemingly doesn't matter. We are living in very bad times right now.

Puritans, zealots, all pathetic.

Or, to put it another way: 'potentially innocent person found himself confronted by superior numbers of angry people, panicked and felt the need to defend himself'

If OP came on and said her kid had been accused by other kids of using racist language, I bet no one would have had a hard time believing she was 'guilty.'

I'm not white and I have young kids at school. I hope there is someone in their class as well who would speak up for them if they faced racist behaviour.

You could have written this about me at 13, the same zero tolerance for injustice.
32 now and exactly the same - although tend to handle things more tactfully these days! Like your DD it has got me into trouble before but it was worth it to fight for what was right (in my case, a company’s abuse of their employees was uncovered and all hell broke loose - but that’s another story!).

I’d be proud of her too so YABU. Just perhaps explain to her that there’s usually a better way to handle it. She’ll become less of a gobby sod, I promise.

Why's that then? Surely if the ops daughter had been accused of this we'd want a little more evidence as to why she had been accused of it?

Oh sorry, I forgot, you don't do evidence do you. Just gut feelings.

I'd be more wary of the gobby little sod who has heated (I know what that's a euphemism for) confrontations with others having inserted herself into a situation she wasn't actually involved in to begin with, personally.

Well at least I know that I can commit ABH whenever I please as long as I claim that I'm 'fighting injustice'.

Lol this is an internet forum? What do you want, cctv? 😅

Of course. And would you want those people to go after others, accuse them of racism with no evidence, and cause that person to get hurt as well? Or would you prefer to make sure there is evidence and that any punishment is through the correct channels?

I'd be more wary of the gobby little sod who has heated(I know what that's a euphemism for) confrontations with others having inserted herself into a situation she wasn't actually involved in to begin with, personally.

More fool you then. The girl may not have handled the situation perfectly but her moral compass is stronger than that of a boy who uses racist words and pushes girls.

Who needs CCTV when we've got your mystical gut feeling. If we need to know something, we can just ask you can't we. 😉

After all, you're gut feeling tells me that this boy is a racist, even though no one actually knows that.

And that I'm apparently a bloke.

Sterling effort so far 👍

My children are mixed race and if somebody is racist towards them the ONLY appropriate solution is to inform a teacher. I wouldn’t be impressed by some ridiculous vigilante justice nonsense that causes more harm than good. And I’m raising my kids to see there is no place for vigilante justice in society

Nobody's casting aspersions on her moral compass 😂
She shouldn't have taken matters into her own hands.

Moral compass my arse. She's been caught out for aggressive behaviour and inciting violence, causing someone else to get hurt, and she's been punished for it. Quite rightly so.

Why exactly are you so sure the kid isn't racist when everything OP has said indicates he's a shit?

And you sound like a bloke, banging on about poor white males.