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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher yanked my son..

168 replies

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:29

Advice needed really. Just dropped my son at school, we were late due to a car accident which we witnessed on route to school this morning.

A support teacher let us in at the gate and walked us down to the front door. Son then was reluctant to go him, leaning on myself etc. He wasn't fighting or tantruming, he was quiet but definitely putting off entering the building. I was trying to usher him in when the support teacher grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the building. It wasn't a overly aggressive yank in that my son didn't react, he didn't say it hurt etc or fight it. But I did feel in the moment it was unnecessary when he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc.

I didn't say anything but have just got home and thought about it the whole journey. It's made me really uncomfortable and I want to phone the school. AIBU??

I'll add, the whole incident from arriving at the front door and him being physically yanked in was maximum 30 seconds in length.

He doesn't normally refuse to go into school.

OP posts:
Livinghappy · 22/03/2023 09:32

How old is he?

Lennon80 · 22/03/2023 09:34

It was probably a bit much but I wouldn’t overthink it. A lot worse is going to happen in life.

user1492757084 · 22/03/2023 09:37

It wasn't overly aggressive.
I'd speak respectfully and privately to that teacher first.
She might have slipped slightly.
She might apologise; you might help alert her to something she does and should be more aware of.

Ask son if he has okay day etc, of course.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 09:41

You said it wasn't aggressive and your son didn't react. She has a class of other kids to see to she probably didn't have time for your son to make up his mind

Whinge · 22/03/2023 09:46

It wasn't great, but you said he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc. so it wasn't a definite thing that he would go in and if he did how long would this have taken?

I know it wasn't your fault you were late but she doesn't have time to wait around while you try and cajole your son, she needs to get back into school and support the other children.

Season0fTheWitch · 22/03/2023 09:47

Teachers aren't even allowed to hug children, they certainly shouldn't be yanking them. I'd speak to the head tbh, I wouldn't let it slide.

Chickenly · 22/03/2023 09:49

This sounds like a non-issue. If he’s not upset then there’s no reason for you to be.

Chickenly · 22/03/2023 09:52

Season0fTheWitch · 22/03/2023 09:47

Teachers aren't even allowed to hug children, they certainly shouldn't be yanking them. I'd speak to the head tbh, I wouldn't let it slide.

That’s actually not the case. Appropriate physical contact is acceptable if it’s necessary or in the best interests of a child. It’s advised not to make a habit of it because people tend to see what they want to see in interactions and kick off for no reason but it’s definitely allowed.

It’s worth keeping in mind that this wasn’t actually a teacher and wouldn’t have had any real training on this.

Aoneslicesandwichisonlyahalfsandwich · 22/03/2023 09:52

It wasn’t aggressive and your son didn’t react so she basically held his hand and walked in with him?

Surplus2requirements · 22/03/2023 09:53

Not aggressive, son didn't react, what's the issue?
Unless there's a huge drip feed it sounds like you're being very over protective.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 09:56

No wonder teachers are leaving the profession when people complain about them talking hold of their hand and walking them into school

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 09:57

You’re contradicting yourself if it was a “yank” I would say by definition that’s aggressive? But you’re saying it wasn’t. Very hard to actually know and comment whether she was out of line or not.

Original poster
Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:58

He's five. She definitely didn't hold his hand and walk him in... She grasped his wrist and forced him through the doorway. Forced / pulled / against his will ... I don't want to over dramatize it so I'm not sure how best to word it.

I'm split minded myself hence why asking on here before making a decision to call the school.

It wasn't my son's fault we were late, but I felt she was frustrated that we were. I've seen other children not want to go into school and the approach taken is normally very supportive and loving..

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 09:58

So you were already quite late and your son was faffing about avoiding going in further delaying the teachers? Ok..

RonObvious · 22/03/2023 10:00

Season0fTheWitch · 22/03/2023 09:47

Teachers aren't even allowed to hug children, they certainly shouldn't be yanking them. I'd speak to the head tbh, I wouldn't let it slide.

My son (9) hugs his teacher daily! He's an anxious little thing, and the physical contact really helps him.

However, when my daughter was struggling with school, the TA made it really clear that they weren't allowed to pull her off me - I had to pass her to them, so I think there are fairly strict guidelines about this. Not sure if I would bring it up though - if he didn't react and it didn't seem overly aggressive, I think I would just make a mental note of it, and keep an eye on things.

Original poster
Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 10:00

@SnarkyBag didn't meant to contradict myself. It was definitely a yank. I just didn't want people to jump on that description and go the other extreme thinking she'd thrown him into the building. That was the point I was trying to make, if done so badly. But she definitely yanked him in.

OP posts:
Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 10:01

Are the proposing the teacher waited untill your son was ready? She has other things to do like supporting the rest of the class.

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 10:06

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 10:00

@SnarkyBag didn't meant to contradict myself. It was definitely a yank. I just didn't want people to jump on that description and go the other extreme thinking she'd thrown him into the building. That was the point I was trying to make, if done so badly. But she definitely yanked him in.

sounds like it was unnecessary for her to physically move him at all, I’d probably bristle as a parent at that too. Not sure I’d mention it though if it was a one off and your son didn’t seem bothered

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 10:07

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 10:01

Are the proposing the teacher waited untill your son was ready? She has other things to do like supporting the rest of the class.

Generally speaking we don’t pull children around in schools in order to keep to schedule even if it is bloody annoying!

JackHackettsMac · 22/03/2023 10:18

Was your son upset by witnessing the car accident?

Did the TA know that was the reason for being late?

He's only 5 so I think she should have been more gentle with him if he was clearly feeling upset and I’d probably mention it at pick-up by asking what sort of day he’d had and if he’d mentioned the accident at any point?

However, my experience is with a village Primary with one class teacher for every class and no TA’s other than specific 1:1’s working with a particular child. At our school, you can always speak to the teacher directly at the end of the day if you have any concerns.

Raineth · 22/03/2023 10:18

I’ve seen three different teachers do that at my child’s ex-school. Sadly when you have overworked under-supported staff with total power over people much smaller than them, teachers sometimes cross the line and get physically rough. It isn’t ok, it’s awful, but I suspect it happens way more than parents realise.

Phone the school if you want, it might help but probably won’t change anything 😢

Annoyingwurringnoise · 22/03/2023 10:20

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toomuchlaundry · 22/03/2023 10:26

They probably know the quicker you get the child into school without fuss the easier it is, they can get more upset with parents fussing over them. Might also have been trying to get him in before registers closed, depending how late you were.

FoxCorner · 22/03/2023 10:29

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 09:41

You said it wasn't aggressive and your son didn't react. She has a class of other kids to see to she probably didn't have time for your son to make up his mind

Agree with this

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 22/03/2023 10:29

Supportive and loving cajoling is for when there isn’t already a whole class in session that she’s supposed to be looking after.

no, it’s not your fault you’re late, but it’s still your responsibility to instil some urgency in the situation. The support teacher had to instead. He’s in school now, all sorted.