Page 4 | Teacher yanked my son..

Sainsburysbunny · 2023-03-22T09:29:59+00:00

Advice needed really. Just dropped my son at school, we were late due to a car accident which we witnessed on route to school this morning. A support teacher let us in at the gate and walked us down to the front door. Son then was reluctant to go him, leaning on myself etc. He wasn't fighting or tantruming, he was quiet but definitely putting off entering the building. I was trying to usher him in when the support teacher grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the building. It wasn't a overly aggressive yank in that my son didn't react, he didn't say it hurt etc or fight it. But I did feel in the moment it was unnecessary when he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc. I didn't say anything but have just got home and thought about it the whole journey. It's made me really uncomfortable and I want to phone the school. AIBU?? I'll add, the whole incident from arriving at the front door and him being physically yanked in was maximum 30 seconds in length. He doesn't normally refuse to go into school.

MissMissive · 22/03/2023 13:48

I would have been upset by this too OP. The fact it’s playing on your mind indicates it was out of the ordinary.

I’m sorry for how many yankers there are on this thread!

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:48

TheNefariousTIG · 22/03/2023 13:45

I’d report it straight I used to work in a school in a non teacher capacity and regularly saw younger kids being handled like this…and spoken to like dirt. I left and reported to teachers concerned.
I don’t know a single person who would think it ok if a boss or coworker grabbed them by the wrist and pulled them into the work place. Why is it OK for a much larger, much stronger person to treat a child like it?
Or are we accepting that school is a place where respect and compassion don’t matter?

Exactly, it amazes me how people think it’s ok to treat kids like this but if done to an adult it wouldn’t be acceptable.

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:52

@Nimbostratus100 Only OP knows what she saw, but if I felt uncomfortable with the way someone touched my child, my first step would be to try to find out whether this was a regular occurence. I heard a teacher screaming at kids at the school DDs nursery is attached to, and realised these old school psychos teachers of yesteryear certainly do still exist. I wouldn't automatically take the teachers side, or the child's, but bearing in mind it's quite a serious accusation I would dig further.

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 13:53

By the way grabbing wrists is really dangerous, if he has decided to react he could have been hurt
What??

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 14:25

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:46

😂😂
I knew someone would say this soon but I guess it’s ok also for teachers to strike and cause disruption to parents and kids too.

ALSO..no wonder kids are suffering from mental health issues if society sees them as objects without acknowledging their feelings.

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So the teacher is supposed to acknowledge feelings instead of getting back to the class. The teacher only expected him to enter the school, I'm not sure where feelings being acknowledged comes into this. The teacher was not treating the child like an object, the child needs to do as they are told, entering school is not a big ask 🙄 for heavens sake

Maximo2 · 22/03/2023 14:30

Season0fTheWitch · 22/03/2023 09:47

Teachers aren't even allowed to hug children, they certainly shouldn't be yanking them. I'd speak to the head tbh, I wouldn't let it slide.

That’s not true.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 15:09

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 14:25

So the teacher is supposed to acknowledge feelings instead of getting back to the class. The teacher only expected him to enter the school, I'm not sure where feelings being acknowledged comes into this. The teacher was not treating the child like an object, the child needs to do as they are told, entering school is not a big ask 🙄 for heavens sake

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You clearly need better comprehension skills. It wasn’t the teacher, it was support staff. If you have such low standards for your kids, pity you, that’s all I can say. You clearly think children are objects and not deserving of empathy.
How would you feel if your boss yanked you into work after witnessing something upsetting?

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 15:11

How would you feel if your boss yanked you into work after witnessing something upsetting?
Would you stand in the doorway of your workplace refusing to come in? I'd expect some sort of intervention if I did that.

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 15:14

Would you stand in the doorway of your workplace refusing to come in? I'd expect some sort of intervention if I did that.

Don't forget the rolling around on the floor, wailing and screaming.

I've seen kids do it a time or two. There're more likely to hurt themselves doing that on tarmac than someone leading them inside.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 15:19

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 15:09

You clearly need better comprehension skills. It wasn’t the teacher, it was support staff. If you have such low standards for your kids, pity you, that’s all I can say. You clearly think children are objects and not deserving of empathy.
How would you feel if your boss yanked you into work after witnessing something upsetting?

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I don't have low standard s for my kids who are now succesfull adults and teenagers. They have bags loads of empathy as do I and I certainly don't see them as objects. But they do have to follow schools rules and obey their teachers which is why they never get detentions or isolations and have never once been late. They need these skills in late life. These skills follow on to a successfull work ethic The teacher (yes I did it again😆) wasn't causing upset and like I said before if the child really was that upset after seeing the accident the parent should have done the responsible thing and took the child home

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 15:24

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 15:11

How would you feel if your boss yanked you into work after witnessing something upsetting?
Would you stand in the doorway of your workplace refusing to come in? I'd expect some sort of intervention if I did that.

Exactly. Coffee or whatever your name is🙄 how long do you think work would put up with you refusing to call me into the building? Clue, not long.

Mariposista · 22/03/2023 15:42

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 15:24

Exactly. Coffee or whatever your name is🙄 how long do you think work would put up with you refusing to call me into the building? Clue, not long.

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Quite. Perhaps he should of walked i rather than waste the teacher’s time dragging his feet.

Original poster

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 16:36

To answer a few things..

I don't complain about everything. I've never complained to the school, I've always thought very highly of the school and the staff.

My son didn't witness the accident itself. He saw the fire engine and police cars nearby and was fascinated by them but didn't grasp what had happened. I told him it was a training drill and he didn't see any of the smash.

For those saying my son needs to learn not to hold teachers up etc, he needs to learn to go in... As I said in my OP, this is not normal behavior for him. He always has gone in no fuss, very happily. His school reports for behavior are extremely positive. His teacher described him as highly compassionate and kind, said he always listening and very good at following instructions. So please don't peg him as something he isn't. The fact he was reluctant to go in today was a one off, which is even more so why I feel he could have been given a minute with me to talk him round, rather than yanked in.

OP posts:

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 16:39

My son didn't witness the accident itself. He saw the fire engine and police cars nearby and was fascinated by them but didn't grasp what had happened. I told him it was a training drill and he didn't see any of the smash
Oh! I understood he'd seen something upsetting and was reacting to that.
So there was no actual reason for his behaviour other than running a bit late?
How long did you expect the teacher to pander to him?

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 16:43

Hopefully it won't happen again then. But if it does, I wouldn't cuddle back if he clings to you. I know - it makes me feel horrible, but you do have to pull off and go. The more you linger, the worse it gets. I am saying this through experience - both of our kids went through phases of this. Maybe she was trying to stop that happening?

Only you know what your saw though.

Choconut · 22/03/2023 16:57

If he was fine with it then I wouldn't say anything, it doesn't sound like she dragged him in, more led him in because she could see what it could turn into otherwise. I doubt she had time to wait for you to talk to him a bit, she might have a group or individual that she is supposed to be working with and needs to get to. I'd let it go if it didn't bother him at all.

Boomboom22 · 22/03/2023 16:59

30 seconds is quite a long time, why didn't he go straight in? You don't need to stop and chat?

Lostmarblesfinder · 22/03/2023 17:03

It is a pity she did that and she probably should not have done that and I’m sorry for your son that he had a bit of hassle at the start of his school day that unsettled his routine, but we all make mistakes, it really wasn’t a big deal one in the scheme of things and her mind was probably in the classroom of 5 year olds running riot. I’d let this one go. It will be better all around.

discobrain · 22/03/2023 17:07

MichelleScarn · 22/03/2023 17:11

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 16:39

My son didn't witness the accident itself. He saw the fire engine and police cars nearby and was fascinated by them but didn't grasp what had happened. I told him it was a training drill and he didn't see any of the smash
Oh! I understood he'd seen something upsetting and was reacting to that.
So there was no actual reason for his behaviour other than running a bit late?
How long did you expect the teacher to pander to him?

Where did the whole 'witness of trauma' come from from all the posters having a go at the 'heartless'member of staff?!

Surplus2requirements · 22/03/2023 19:14

I can understand a young child being a little hesitant arriving at the door with no other children or parents around as normal and familiar.

It sounds like the TA took control and helped him power through it before doubts could grow in his mind. No harm, no distress and back on familiar ground with his classmates with the minimum of fuss.

It's worth remembering the building itself isn't familiar to a young child. The other children, the noise is what they know and without them the building is very unfamiliar

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 20:42

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 15:24

Exactly. Coffee or whatever your name is🙄 how long do you think work would put up with you refusing to call me into the building? Clue, not long.

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An adult who has better cognitive ability is not going to do that, what a pathetic example 🙄

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 20:44

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 15:19

I don't have low standard s for my kids who are now succesfull adults and teenagers. They have bags loads of empathy as do I and I certainly don't see them as objects. But they do have to follow schools rules and obey their teachers which is why they never get detentions or isolations and have never once been late. They need these skills in late life. These skills follow on to a successfull work ethic The teacher (yes I did it again😆) wasn't causing upset and like I said before if the child really was that upset after seeing the accident the parent should have done the responsible thing and took the child home

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😂😂😂

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 20:45

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 15:11

How would you feel if your boss yanked you into work after witnessing something upsetting?
Would you stand in the doorway of your workplace refusing to come in? I'd expect some sort of intervention if I did that.

An adult who has better cognitive ability is not going to do that, what a pathetic example 🙄

Inkpotlover · 22/03/2023 21:18

Inkpotlover · 22/03/2023 13:30

If you are convinced he was yanked aggressively by the teacher, make a complaint. But be sure of what you witnessed because an incident of alleged assault will have to be investigated by the SLT under the safeguarding policy and that teacher could end up in serious trouble.

OP was implying it was.