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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher yanked my son..

168 replies

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:29

Advice needed really. Just dropped my son at school, we were late due to a car accident which we witnessed on route to school this morning.

A support teacher let us in at the gate and walked us down to the front door. Son then was reluctant to go him, leaning on myself etc. He wasn't fighting or tantruming, he was quiet but definitely putting off entering the building. I was trying to usher him in when the support teacher grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the building. It wasn't a overly aggressive yank in that my son didn't react, he didn't say it hurt etc or fight it. But I did feel in the moment it was unnecessary when he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc.

I didn't say anything but have just got home and thought about it the whole journey. It's made me really uncomfortable and I want to phone the school. AIBU??

I'll add, the whole incident from arriving at the front door and him being physically yanked in was maximum 30 seconds in length.

He doesn't normally refuse to go into school.

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 22:49

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 20:45

An adult who has better cognitive ability is not going to do that, what a pathetic example 🙄

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You're telling me my example was pathetic?
I was responding to yours, dear 😂. Which was bizarrely irrelevant and pathetic Wink

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 23:43

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 22:49

You're telling me my example was pathetic?
I was responding to yours, dear 😂. Which was bizarrely irrelevant and pathetic Wink

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I was giving you an example of how it’s not acceptable to yank a child into school. A child not going into school isn’t to be compared to an adult refusing to go into work, you’re comparing two humans with different cognitive reasoning and abilities. I was comparing how being yanked isn’t acceptable for a child or an adult, even more so for a child who may not have the skills to understand what’s happening. If you are happy to have your child yanked that’s on you but understand that not all parents want their children being yanked into school.

HotPenguin · 22/03/2023 23:50

This is wrong! It's not going to help a nervous child going in to school and in any case the teacher should not be pulling, dragging or yanking a child by the arm unless it's to avoid them being hurt.

Imperialleathers · 22/03/2023 23:50

I would not be happy at all if that was my child. I would speak to the teacher.

Nat6999 · 23/03/2023 00:36

If a teacher witnessed a parent yanking a child by the arm it would be noted in case anything else happened towards a Social Services referral. I would definitely be reporting it to the head.

toomuchlaundry · 23/03/2023 07:42

Wonder if OP likes to dramatise things, her opening post certainly gave the impression that the young child had witnessed the accident, whereas he had seen a fire engine

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 09:09

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 23:43

I was giving you an example of how it’s not acceptable to yank a child into school. A child not going into school isn’t to be compared to an adult refusing to go into work, you’re comparing two humans with different cognitive reasoning and abilities. I was comparing how being yanked isn’t acceptable for a child or an adult, even more so for a child who may not have the skills to understand what’s happening. If you are happy to have your child yanked that’s on you but understand that not all parents want their children being yanked into school.

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And yet it was you who originally compared the two.

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 09:13

toomuchlaundry · 23/03/2023 07:42

Wonder if OP likes to dramatise things, her opening post certainly gave the impression that the young child had witnessed the accident, whereas he had seen a fire engine

Exactly this. The op said it was 30 seconds before the teacher supposedly yanked him ( more than likely took his hand to guide him in) The child has been in school since at least September, he knows to go into school not drag his feet. How long was the teacher supposed to spend coaxing him into school while the rest of the class is already in?

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 09:33

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 23:43

I was giving you an example of how it’s not acceptable to yank a child into school. A child not going into school isn’t to be compared to an adult refusing to go into work, you’re comparing two humans with different cognitive reasoning and abilities. I was comparing how being yanked isn’t acceptable for a child or an adult, even more so for a child who may not have the skills to understand what’s happening. If you are happy to have your child yanked that’s on you but understand that not all parents want their children being yanked into school.

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How could the child not understand what was happening? He was at the school door and expected to walk through it, just as he does every morning.
No special skills to "understand what was happening" required.
He wasn't put into a strange, complex situation he'd never encountered before Confused

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 09:52

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 09:09

And yet it was you who originally compared the two.

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I compared to being yanked into school/work, I didn’t compare the two differences in cognitive abilities. I’m not going to keep going back and forth, I’ve said I wouldn’t like it for my child, if you’re happy as a parent to have a teacher yank your child into school, that’s up to you.

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 09:54

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 09:33

How could the child not understand what was happening? He was at the school door and expected to walk through it, just as he does every morning.
No special skills to "understand what was happening" required.
He wasn't put into a strange, complex situation he'd never encountered before Confused

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To understand why he’s been yanked into school when he could be feeling anxious/upset etc. Not understand the process of walking into school 🙄

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 09:56

I compared to being yanked into school/work
But there is no comparison, there is literally no reason why someone would need to be coaxed, led, pulled, yanked, whatever, into work.
Because no adult would dally on the doorstep refusing to enter 🤷🏻‍♀️
And school is compulsory, work isn't.

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 09:59

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 09:54

To understand why he’s been yanked into school when he could be feeling anxious/upset etc. Not understand the process of walking into school 🙄

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Op has drip fed the information that he did not, in fact, see a terrible upsetting car accident on the way to school - he saw a fire engine which he was fascinated by.
He wasn't upset. Of course he understood he was expected to walk through the door into school.
You're being more ridiculous than the 5 year old, tbh 😂

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:03

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 09:52

I compared to being yanked into school/work, I didn’t compare the two differences in cognitive abilities. I’m not going to keep going back and forth, I’ve said I wouldn’t like it for my child, if you’re happy as a parent to have a teacher yank your child into school, that’s up to you.

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My child has never been yanked, but they have been left by the hand on some occasions which is what I expect happened here

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:05

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 09:54

To understand why he’s been yanked into school when he could be feeling anxious/upset etc. Not understand the process of walking into school 🙄

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He's been in school since at least September, he knows full well how to walk into school by now. He also wasn't upset or anxious, he didn't witness the accident

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 10:10

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:05

He's been in school since at least September, he knows full well how to walk into school by now. He also wasn't upset or anxious, he didn't witness the accident

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That wasn’t clear in the OP about him witnessing the accident initially. It is still not right for a teacher to yank a child into school, we don’t go around doing it to adults so why is it acceptable to small children. Yes I know he knows how to walk into school, I didn’t say he didn’t.

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 10:11

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:03

My child has never been yanked, but they have been left by the hand on some occasions which is what I expect happened here

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That is not what OP said, she said yanked, not taken by the hand and walked in.

toomuchlaundry · 23/03/2023 10:13

@Coffeeandcake15 but do you not wonder if the OP is being slightly dramatic, she made out he witnessed the accident, all she needed to say there was an accident further up the road so caused a delay, so her use of 'yank' may be slightly dramatic too, especially as her DC didn't seem to react to it

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:15

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 10:10

That wasn’t clear in the OP about him witnessing the accident initially. It is still not right for a teacher to yank a child into school, we don’t go around doing it to adults so why is it acceptable to small children. Yes I know he knows how to walk into school, I didn’t say he didn’t.

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No it wasn't clear in the OP but your views haven't changed since the update. I highly doubt the teacher yanked him.. You mentioned the boy might not understand the process of walking into school, so yes you did say that. Stop contradicting yourself

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:17

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 10:11

That is not what OP said, she said yanked, not taken by the hand and walked in.

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Due to the fact OP is dramatic. Witnessed an accident then several pages later he didn't witness an accident. Makes the yanking part unbelievable aswell.

rainbowstardrops · 23/03/2023 10:54

You're the only one here who can know whether your child was 'yanked' or whether the support teacher took his wrist and encouraged him into school because otherwise he might become increasingly reluctant to go into school and she knew he'd be fine once he was in.

He didn't see the accident, wasn't upset by seeing the fire engine and wasn't upset by the support teacher leading him into school. I'm struggling to see the issue here.

We often have similar aged children that are occasionally reluctant to come into school for various reasons. Of course we try to gently coax them in first but there comes a point when you have a group of children waiting for you to start an intervention or whatever that are having their learning time wasted.

I can say that everyone who I work with, much prefer the parents who give their child a kiss, say 'love you, see you later. Mrs Rainbow will help you with your bag and coat' and then walk away. The children are always absolutely fine.
What is harder, is when you have a parent who prolongs the transition.

I imagine your child was absolutely fine and was just reluctant to go in without the other children around him because he was late.

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 11:10

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:15

No it wasn't clear in the OP but your views haven't changed since the update. I highly doubt the teacher yanked him.. You mentioned the boy might not understand the process of walking into school, so yes you did say that. Stop contradicting yourself

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Where did I say he didn’t understand the concept of walking into school 🙄 Just because I have standards for my children and you don’t it doesn’t make it right, do you think it’s acceptable to also go around yanking adults?

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 11:13

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 11:10

Where did I say he didn’t understand the concept of walking into school 🙄 Just because I have standards for my children and you don’t it doesn’t make it right, do you think it’s acceptable to also go around yanking adults?

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Christ, we're back to yanking adults again 😂

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 11:14

Plumbear2 · 23/03/2023 10:17

Due to the fact OP is dramatic. Witnessed an accident then several pages later he didn't witness an accident. Makes the yanking part unbelievable aswell.

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I still don’t believe yanking children into school is acceptable and I’m surprised you are struggling to understand why I don’t think it’s acceptable. Why can’t you just accept my opinion that I don’t agree with yanking children into school, you clearly think it’s ok to yank children, I don’t, much the same as I wouldn’t yank another person. There really is nothing else to discuss and you’re not going to change my mind.

Coffeeandcake15 · 23/03/2023 11:15

ReadersD1gest · 23/03/2023 11:13

Christ, we're back to yanking adults again 😂

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You still haven’t answered my question, do you think it’s ok to yank adults? If an old lady was taking her time to pack and pay for her shopping would you yank her out of the way because she’s inconveniencing other shoppers or would you show patience and understanding? 🤔