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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher yanked my son..

168 replies

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:29

Advice needed really. Just dropped my son at school, we were late due to a car accident which we witnessed on route to school this morning.

A support teacher let us in at the gate and walked us down to the front door. Son then was reluctant to go him, leaning on myself etc. He wasn't fighting or tantruming, he was quiet but definitely putting off entering the building. I was trying to usher him in when the support teacher grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the building. It wasn't a overly aggressive yank in that my son didn't react, he didn't say it hurt etc or fight it. But I did feel in the moment it was unnecessary when he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc.

I didn't say anything but have just got home and thought about it the whole journey. It's made me really uncomfortable and I want to phone the school. AIBU??

I'll add, the whole incident from arriving at the front door and him being physically yanked in was maximum 30 seconds in length.

He doesn't normally refuse to go into school.

OP posts:
Coffeeandchocs · 22/03/2023 10:31

I can’t believe how many people are justifying the support teachers actions. If you were uncomfortable with how she physically pulled your son into the school then you are absolutely allowed to feel this way. It will have been unsettling for a five year old to get to school late and not have the normal entrance to school that they’re used to. I would feel exactly the same, OP. Like you say it was only 30 seconds, the situation could have easily been resolved by talking to him.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/03/2023 10:35

I think think honestly to yourself about how you would have felt if she'd taken his hand and not his wrist, would the force have been OK then?

If so then let it slide, because sometimes kids hands are disgusting 🤣.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/03/2023 10:37

I do have to say, if he didn't fight it it doesn't really sound like a yank. Can it be a yank if he's going with it? I think only you'll know OP!

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 10:37

@Sainsburysbunny If this was a man pulling your daughter into school the reaction would be different OP. It’s not acceptable, he’s just witnessed a car accident, this would have made him feel uneasy and possibly quite upset, the right way would be to talk to him and reassure him. No child should be pulled into school, there’s normally a reason why the child doesn’t want to go into school and it can be a variety of feelings or reasons. I hope your sons ok but i’d address it with the school to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

toomuchlaundry · 22/03/2023 10:48

You say you don’t want to overdramatise it but then use dramatic words like ‘yank’ ‘forced’ @Sainsburysbunny

You could phone school to check he is okay especially after witnessing an accident

Keepupandout · 22/03/2023 10:52

If it worried you, talk to someone.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 11:03

I agree but that's not what happened

HecticHedgehog · 22/03/2023 11:16

Lots of people will say this is fine. If it made you uncomfortable it's not and a child stalling is no reason to be yanking them.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 11:28

Lots of things will make a parent uncomfortable when their child attends school. This parent is going to have a very hard time if she continues to complain about everything. The child's education has only just started. The child needed to be in school, the teacher had other children to get back to. The child was not distressed in any way, it's a case of taking the child into school, how long should be teacher have waited?

Poorlysister · 22/03/2023 11:33

This is a non issue for me, my dd has started refusing to go into the class room in the mornings. Gentle cuddles and talking doesn’t work, she gets more upset. We have to stop it before it becomes something so I gently nudge/push her over the first half of the playground then the teacher takes her off me and gently nudges/ pushes her the rest of the way in.

She is happy and engaged once in the classroom.

Flossflower · 22/03/2023 12:09

She needed to get him in quickly as she had other children to look after.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 12:13

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 11:28

Lots of things will make a parent uncomfortable when their child attends school. This parent is going to have a very hard time if she continues to complain about everything. The child's education has only just started. The child needed to be in school, the teacher had other children to get back to. The child was not distressed in any way, it's a case of taking the child into school, how long should be teacher have waited?

Where does it say she complains about everything?
It wasn’t a teacher who took her DS in, it was support staff.
How can you say her DS wasn’t distressed, he just witnessed a car accident FFS, no wonder children’s mental health is so down played.

Nimbostratus100 · 22/03/2023 12:17

Aoneslicesandwichisonlyahalfsandwich · 22/03/2023 09:52

It wasn’t aggressive and your son didn’t react so she basically held his hand and walked in with him?

this is what is sounds like to me... really cant see any issue?

toomuchlaundry · 22/03/2023 12:17

If that had been my child I would have phoned later asking how he was, if he had witnessed the accident. Being got into school quickly wouldn't have bothered me if DS wasn't bothered by it. Schools very rarely have spare members of staff anymore, so this support teacher has probably had to leave a group of children (hopefully with another adult!) to come and get your child so would need to be quick

romdowa · 22/03/2023 12:18

I wouldn't have been happy about it but I would have said it there and then. There was no need for any physical contact

Viviennemary · 22/03/2023 12:20

Can't see anything wrong with this. Who has got the time for all this pussy footing around. He wasnt dragged in by the haìr but dealt with in a firm way.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:19

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 12:13

Where does it say she complains about everything?
It wasn’t a teacher who took her DS in, it was support staff.
How can you say her DS wasn’t distressed, he just witnessed a car accident FFS, no wonder children’s mental health is so down played.

Show quote history

OP said the child wasn't bothered by it. If the child was that distresses by the accident(which he obviously wasn't) the parent should have taken him home to deal with it. The teaching assistant has many other kids to attend to

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:20

It’s bizarre MN, often men are called out for certain behaviours, a young boy has just witnessed a car accident, he’s anxious and he’s been yanked into the school and that’s suddenly ok. Clearly a lot of parents don’t care about their children being man-handled by adults, shame on them.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:22

And again. If the boy was a distressed as you seem to think by the accident then the parent should have taken him home.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:22

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:19

OP said the child wasn't bothered by it. If the child was that distresses by the accident(which he obviously wasn't) the parent should have taken him home to deal with it. The teaching assistant has many other kids to attend to

Show quote history

How do you know he wasn’t distressed, his refusal to go in is a good indication of this, as it wasn’t his normal routine. Clearly there’s a lot of parents who don’t understand basic human emotions on here. It doesn’t matter if the TA had kids to deal with, it was a one-off and you deal with the situation sensitively.

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 13:23

Forced / pulled / against his will ... I don't want to over dramatize it so I'm not sure how best to word it.
How long would you suggest she stand them pandering to a child who didn't want to enter the classroom? It hardly matters that it was against his will, really. He had no choice in the matter.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:23

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:22

And again. If the boy was a distressed as you seem to think by the accident then the parent should have taken him home.

Take him home? WTF! There’s a huge difference between acknowledging and understand his emotions than taking him home.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:24

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:22

How do you know he wasn’t distressed, his refusal to go in is a good indication of this, as it wasn’t his normal routine. Clearly there’s a lot of parents who don’t understand basic human emotions on here. It doesn’t matter if the TA had kids to deal with, it was a one-off and you deal with the situation sensitively.

Show quote history

And again. This is why the parent should have taken him home.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:24

@Sainsburysbunny I hope you ignore the posters who are down-playing this, clearly a lot of parents see their kids as objects and not with emotions.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:25

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:24

And again. This is why the parent should have taken him home.

Show quote history

No she didn’t need to do this, she discusses his feelings, reassures him and allows him to go in. It’s teaching kids their emotions don’t matter and with a growing children’s mental health crisis, this is not the way forwards.