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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher yanked my son..

168 replies

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:29

Advice needed really. Just dropped my son at school, we were late due to a car accident which we witnessed on route to school this morning.

A support teacher let us in at the gate and walked us down to the front door. Son then was reluctant to go him, leaning on myself etc. He wasn't fighting or tantruming, he was quiet but definitely putting off entering the building. I was trying to usher him in when the support teacher grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the building. It wasn't a overly aggressive yank in that my son didn't react, he didn't say it hurt etc or fight it. But I did feel in the moment it was unnecessary when he probably would have gone in of his own accord once I'd spoken to him a bit etc.

I didn't say anything but have just got home and thought about it the whole journey. It's made me really uncomfortable and I want to phone the school. AIBU??

I'll add, the whole incident from arriving at the front door and him being physically yanked in was maximum 30 seconds in length.

He doesn't normally refuse to go into school.

OP posts:
ladykale · 22/03/2023 13:26

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 09:41

You said it wasn't aggressive and your son didn't react. She has a class of other kids to see to she probably didn't have time for your son to make up his mind

This is such a non issue

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:26

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:23

Take him home? WTF! There’s a huge difference between acknowledging and understand his emotions than taking him home.

Show quote history

How about the parents acknowledges the teaching assistant has other kids to attend to. Like I said if the was really this distressed the parent should have taken him home not into school where the teachers carnt just drop everything for one child

ladykale · 22/03/2023 13:26

Sainsburysbunny · 22/03/2023 09:58

He's five. She definitely didn't hold his hand and walk him in... She grasped his wrist and forced him through the doorway. Forced / pulled / against his will ... I don't want to over dramatize it so I'm not sure how best to word it.

I'm split minded myself hence why asking on here before making a decision to call the school.

It wasn't my son's fault we were late, but I felt she was frustrated that we were. I've seen other children not want to go into school and the approach taken is normally very supportive and loving..

Because age doesn't have another 10 mins to convince him to go in when she also has other kids to care for!

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 13:29

It doesn’t matter if the TA had kids to deal with, it was a one-off and you deal with the situation sensitively
It doesn't matter that she'd have left a class full of children to coax one child through the door, no matter how long it took?!
Don't be daft.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:30

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:26

How about the parents acknowledges the teaching assistant has other kids to attend to. Like I said if the was really this distressed the parent should have taken him home not into school where the teachers carnt just drop everything for one child

Show quote history

How about humans acknowledging kids have emotions and yanking them into school isn’t the way to do it.

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:30

My son's teacher has had to pick up a child and carry him in arms thrashing before. A road runs right outside the gate so I don't see she had any other choice. My son is sometimes reluctant to go in. I don't hug him back when he starts clinging to me as I think that encourages it. I give him a kiss and say quick quick quick, in you go, and leg it. I feel sorry for teachers because you can see it's a nightmare at times.

ScoobyBooby · 22/03/2023 13:30

Personally I wouldn’t be happy if someone did that to my 5 year old and I would be respectfully asking them not to do it again .

In our nursery/ reception the teachers are not allowed to touch the kids if they are refusing / having a meltdown about going in .

Inkpotlover · 22/03/2023 13:30

If you are convinced he was yanked aggressively by the teacher, make a complaint. But be sure of what you witnessed because an incident of alleged assault will have to be investigated by the SLT under the safeguarding policy and that teacher could end up in serious trouble.

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:31

Erm there’s a teacher in the classroom 🙄

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:33

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:30

How about humans acknowledging kids have emotions and yanking them into school isn’t the way to do it.

Show quote history

She got him into school, the boy was not distressed. Children have emotions, they also have to understand that when they are told to do something in school thet do it

Nimbostratus100 · 22/03/2023 13:33

I just dont see the problem.

you thought he was reluctant to go in

she got him to go in quickly and efficiently and without drama

you want to complain?

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:35

They do have to physically restrain children sometimes. Was it dragging or that?

Can you ask your child how they feel about the teacher? If they're kind? Does the teacher hug them too? Might give you a more balanced or accurate view.

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 13:36

Inkpotlover · 22/03/2023 13:30

If you are convinced he was yanked aggressively by the teacher, make a complaint. But be sure of what you witnessed because an incident of alleged assault will have to be investigated by the SLT under the safeguarding policy and that teacher could end up in serious trouble.

It wasn't assault 🙄

lunar1 · 22/03/2023 13:38

So the message from the majority of people on here is that if someone isn't doing something quickly enough you can grab their wrist and yank them where you want them as long as it doesn't look too aggressive.

I have been into school twice in over 10 years about problems (both related to racist bullying) for my children, so am not in at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't let this slide.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:39

If the child carnt follow basic rules now at 5 like come into school what chance do you think they will have in high school? Because by that point being late for refusing to go in will result in detention or isolation.

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:40

lunar1 · 22/03/2023 13:38

So the message from the majority of people on here is that if someone isn't doing something quickly enough you can grab their wrist and yank them where you want them as long as it doesn't look too aggressive.

I have been into school twice in over 10 years about problems (both related to racist bullying) for my children, so am not in at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't let this slide.

So would you have left the rest of the class to fend for themselves ?

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:41

No wonder teachers are leaving in droves. It's parents attitudes.

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:42

So the message from the majority of people on here is that if someone isn't doing something quickly enough you can grab their wrist and yank them where you want them as long as it doesn't look too aggressive.

DS's school has a road running straight outside the gate. If they didn't whip the children in straight away, there is huge scope for accidents. 2 staff to 24 children all arriving in the space of 10 minutes, and children do tend to copy each other. I'd rather the TA took my child's arm and led him in than him getting hit by a car by her indulging him in a game of cat and mouse.

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 13:43

lunar1 · 22/03/2023 13:38

So the message from the majority of people on here is that if someone isn't doing something quickly enough you can grab their wrist and yank them where you want them as long as it doesn't look too aggressive.

I have been into school twice in over 10 years about problems (both related to racist bullying) for my children, so am not in at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't let this slide.

No, that's not the message Confused. He was already late for school. How long should he have been allowed to stand on the doorstep dithering?
Why did op present him at the door if she thought he was still too upset to go in?

Climbles · 22/03/2023 13:44

He’s 5 so some level of physical handling is appropriate. Only you were there so only you will know of it was not okay.
You could email and say you have reflected on this mornings events and if it happens again you would not like your child to be physically moved. By the way grabbing wrists is really dangerous, if he has decided to react he could have been hurt.

TheNefariousTIG · 22/03/2023 13:45

I’d report it straight I used to work in a school in a non teacher capacity and regularly saw younger kids being handled like this…and spoken to like dirt. I left and reported to teachers concerned.
I don’t know a single person who would think it ok if a boss or coworker grabbed them by the wrist and pulled them into the work place. Why is it OK for a much larger, much stronger person to treat a child like it?
Or are we accepting that school is a place where respect and compassion don’t matter?

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/03/2023 13:46

Plumbear2 · 22/03/2023 13:41

No wonder teachers are leaving in droves. It's parents attitudes.

😂😂
I knew someone would say this soon but I guess it’s ok also for teachers to strike and cause disruption to parents and kids too.

ALSO..no wonder kids are suffering from mental health issues if society sees them as objects without acknowledging their feelings.

TheNefariousTIG · 22/03/2023 13:46

That should have said straight to the head.

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:46

By the way grabbing wrists is really dangerous, if he has decided to react he could have been hurt.

🤦‍♀️

Nimbostratus100 · 22/03/2023 13:47

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 13:35

They do have to physically restrain children sometimes. Was it dragging or that?

Can you ask your child how they feel about the teacher? If they're kind? Does the teacher hug them too? Might give you a more balanced or accurate view.

very leading questions, possibly making an issue out of something that is simply no issue

I would just wait and not mention it, and see if the child mentions anything