Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

397 replies

AtTheEndOfMyWick · 22/03/2023 07:48

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 08:54

Minfilia · 22/03/2023 08:30

You see usually, I’d be nice/pragmatic even when stuff pisses me off.

but in this case I’d be texting “DH, stop leaving your shit stained underwear in the laundry basket, it’s fucking disgusting and you need to sort yourself out”

absolutely revolting!

Yeah, and then when it turns out he's got bowel cancer you end up looking like a bit of a cunt 😉

SchoolTripDrama · 22/03/2023 08:55

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 22/03/2023 07:53

Only on Mumsnet do I read such soul destroying drivel

How is it drivel? It's revolting!!!

CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 08:57

BlackBarbies · 22/03/2023 08:52

Or maybe, just maybe, he can learn how to wash and wipe his own arse properly….

Show quote history

Or maybe, just maybe he has a serious bowel disease and he's embarrassed or in denial....

Lesvacances · 22/03/2023 08:59

I have had 2 dc and am in my 60's so I have trouble occasionally due to piles caused by childbirth and now being older.
Wiping just with toilet paper isn't always good enough and at home I use my bidet afterwards and when I'm out I carry wipes just in case.

Your dh may have a pile and needs to wipe more.
Ask him if he has any bother with constipation and/or piles. He may be glad of some advise.

For those pp's saying he is gross, if the poo is stuck around his bum hole only washing or wipes will clean properly.
He should be washing his mucky pants himself though.
My dh does his own washing and so does my adult ds.

Maray1967 · 22/03/2023 08:59

RagingWoke · 22/03/2023 08:06

I’ve no idea how to approach with him.

'Your underwear is covered in shit and I won't be touching it'

There you go.

I said something similar once years ago - only rarely does it happen again. If it does, I put the offending garment in a plastic bag and hang it on his wardrobe door and say I’m not dealing with what’s in there.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 08:59

CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 08:54

Yeah, and then when it turns out he's got bowel cancer you end up looking like a bit of a cunt 😉

Show quote history

Why? She wouldn’t have given it to him. Having cancer doesn’t make it ok to leave your shitty underwear around for someone else to clean up for you.

BlackBarbies · 22/03/2023 09:00

CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 08:57

Or maybe, just maybe he has a serious bowel disease and he's embarrassed or in denial....

Show quote history

The poster who I quoted said,

‘Then if he's checked out and all is fine I'd get him a large net bag and ask him to put his undies in it and I'd wash them separately on a 60 degree wash.’

If everything is fine then why the hell should the OP continue dealing with his shitty underwear? Please answer me that. Even if he had a problem, deal with it yourself and wash your own underwear. Why the fuck should his wife do it?! My GOD

PrtScn · 22/03/2023 09:01

AtTheEndOfMyWick · 22/03/2023 07:48

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

The ick is there to stay. My OH thankfully doesn’t seem to leave skid marks in his undies but is constantly leaving shit marks on his towels. He sleeps in the spare room now 🤷‍♀️

BlackBarbies · 22/03/2023 09:01

I’m sorry but whether the OP’s husband has a serious bowel issue is neither here or there. If he gets checked out and that’s the case, he can do his OWN washing. Why’s that so hard to understand?

The reason that’s causing the skids isn’t even the focus here (I assume that he needs to learn how to wipe and wash properly but I could be wrong). Why is he leaving it for his wife to do? That’s the bit that’s truly awful and shows a lack of respect

GiveOverRover · 22/03/2023 09:02

If we presume he doesn't also have a fairly advanced eyesight issue or reduced mental capacity, then love, he knows his undies are shitty as well as you do. He's really happy to keep leaving shit stains in them and handing them to you to deal with. He's got zero problems with the situation, in stark contrast to you.

He can't be bothered to wipe his arse and keep himself clean, he's happy to get about with a dirty bum crack, he's not spending any time worrying how to deal with this at all. Neither can he be bothered to learn how to do the laundry, which let's face it, doesn't require much genius, I bet he has no problem working out which button is which on the TV.

This is so very grotty. Just stop washing them. Put them in a bin bag and tell him to sort his arse out, and do his own washing. I'm not sure what the conundrum is?

Straightsidedcircle · 22/03/2023 09:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GiveOverRover · 22/03/2023 09:04

Honestly, can you imagine taking off your knickers night after night and noticing they were full of shit stains, casually throwing them into the laundry basket knowing that your husband had been appointed Head Of Laundry for the household and would have to see them on the daily and still have fond thoughts about you?

No, you can't. That's how ridiculous this is.

waterlego · 22/03/2023 09:04

But @CaroleSinger having a bowel condition doesn’t usually make a person suddenly unable to see. He might have a health condition but it’s neither here nor there.

As a PP said, most of us have dealt with period floods and leaks in underwear and bedding. It’s not women’s fault when it happens, and not something we should be shamed for but nor would most of us leave our period stained pants at the top of the laundry basket for someone else to deal with.

Novatherova · 22/03/2023 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Guavafish1 · 22/03/2023 09:04

You need a separate laundry basket for his underwear... and tell him to wash them him self.

Also the underwear might be too tight.

ljbrad · 22/03/2023 09:05

I read recently that around 30% of men do not wipe or wash their butthole cos they think it's not a manly thing to do.... stories like this make me belive it 😨

Moveoverdarlin · 22/03/2023 09:05

I find it so weird you can’t bring this up and find it awkward. You’ve had 3 children, presumably he was at the birth and dealt with your leaky nether regions. His turn now.

John, have you seen the state of your pants? (show him the offending garment) WTF is wrong with you? Wipe your ass properly you filthy bastard, it’s revolting.

stopringingme · 22/03/2023 09:06

RagingWoke · 22/03/2023 08:06

I’ve no idea how to approach with him.

'Your underwear is covered in shit and I won't be touching it'

There you go.

This says it perfectly, no more words are needed

Eranzer · 22/03/2023 09:08

Moveoverdarlin · 22/03/2023 09:05

I find it so weird you can’t bring this up and find it awkward. You’ve had 3 children, presumably he was at the birth and dealt with your leaky nether regions. His turn now.

John, have you seen the state of your pants? (show him the offending garment) WTF is wrong with you? Wipe your ass properly you filthy bastard, it’s revolting.

Absolutely! 😂

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 09:09

CaroleSinger · 22/03/2023 08:54

Yeah, and then when it turns out he's got bowel cancer you end up looking like a bit of a cunt 😉

Show quote history

Bowel cancer doesn’t cause you to shit your pants? Post surgery you can but it’s not a sign of it?

iaapap · 22/03/2023 09:09

Take a photo, text it to him and tell him that you being greeted by his shit smears needs to stop. Then you don't even need to say anything.

gamerchick · 22/03/2023 09:09

Opal2022 · 22/03/2023 08:26

Can totally understand why this is becoming a problem. I would have a chat and offer the solution of using packs of wet toilet paper, Andrex do them, I’ve seen them in Lidl and Aldi and they are all flushable. No excuses after that.

There's no such thing as flushable wipes. They flush away, as go round the Ubend but that's it. Please can people stop suggesting them.

Personally I think people should be forced to tour sewage plants for some education.

He's either too lazy to wipe or he's reaching through his legs to wipe. Can't clean properly like that.

I'd be chucking them out me as it'll be contaminating the washer with ecoli. When when he asks why he has no duds, tell him they were covered in shit so weren't going into the washer.

Or you could try telling him to knock it off.

saraclara · 22/03/2023 09:11

Fuwari · 22/03/2023 08:29

It may well be that he just doesn’t wipe properly, but IBS can cause “leakage”, is it possible it’s that?

Sadly, my late husband's bowel cancer manifested itself this way in the early days. I couldn't understand why suddenly I was finding underwear with skid marks in the basket every day. I'm glad I didn't rant at him and call him filthy.

So yes, I'd address it by asking if something's changed in his toilet habits before kicking off

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 09:11

BlackBarbies · 22/03/2023 09:00

The poster who I quoted said,

‘Then if he's checked out and all is fine I'd get him a large net bag and ask him to put his undies in it and I'd wash them separately on a 60 degree wash.’

If everything is fine then why the hell should the OP continue dealing with his shitty underwear? Please answer me that. Even if he had a problem, deal with it yourself and wash your own underwear. Why the fuck should his wife do it?! My GOD

Show quote history

Even if everything is not fine, he is not incapable of looking after himself and he should put his poo filled underwear in a separate basket and wash them himself.

No way would I expect DH to wash them for me.