To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

[AtTheEndOfMyWick]

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

He's lying. It's just laziness on your DPs part.

I'd start by asking him to put a few loads of laundry on and see if it improves after that. Give him a chance to save face.

If he doesnt improve I'd straight up just say something. Hes not embarrassed, clearly, so you shouldn't be.

Just say, babe, dont want to embarrass you but theres been a lot of kiddies lately..everything ok? Do you need a doctor? No? Ok, then can you please....(wipe your arse properly, wash them seperately, whatever you want him to do) because I got a handful of shit last week and its minging.

How can you stand being married to someone who apparently ‘doesn’t know how to’ do the washing, and is incapable of wiping his own arsehole after a shit? Fucking hell.

Anit got no time for softly softly I’d just hand him back his shit pants and tell him to clean them.

I'm not a poo troll and it's happened occasionally for the duration of our relationship (ie once every few months initially) but is so much worse now.

Of course its easier to word anonymously on MN than to broach the topic IRL, I just don't know where to start. But yes maybe putting pants and clothes with stuff in pockets in a separate laundry basket could be an idea.

Do people throw "shit" or "skiddies" around in real life like on here? I can't imagine saying these words out loud and certainly not to another adult!

I like the idea of saying I didn't realise you had been ill this week etc. I would give him a chance to save face too. But I definitely wouldn't be doing the washing ever again.

he doesn't know how to do it

How old is he? How has he not learnt how to wash his clothes?!

Time for him to learn

Sorry but why on earth would you not just talk to him. He’s your HUSBAND. Fannying around with separate laundry baskets to avoid a simple conversation….. what kind of marriage is that?

This is how it would go with my husband:

“I did a wash yesterday and noticed skid marks in your pants,”
”Oh god really, shit I’m sorry. Won’t happen again”
”Good, because I like doing laundry but this is where I draw the line”
”Yeah makes sense, sorry”

Same.

He knows his pants are smeared in shite and isn't in any way shy about handing them over to you for you to deal with. So no need for you to be shy in spelling it out to him that he's revolting and can wash his own faeces encrusted boxers from now on.

Do people throw "shit" or "skiddies" around in real life like on here? I can't imagine saying these words out loud and certainly not to another adult!

You can't imagine saying the word "shit" out loud, seriously?
That's one of the milder words used in my house!

So your husband doesn’t know how to wash his arse property and also doesn’t know how to wipe properly. That’s so fucking foul.

Never in my life would I deal with a grown man’s underwear that had skid marks. My God. I don’t understand why you don’t know what to say. ‘You have shit on your underwear and I’m not touching these until you sort yourself out.’

It’s the fact that he just walks around with shit in his arse once he’s used the toilet. My God😣 I agree with the poster who said they don’t have time for the softly softly approach. I’d be embarrassing the hell out of him sorry. He doesn’t seem like he’d even be embarrassed anyway

Literally!!!!

Is he really the best you could find to marry and father your kids? A man who doesn’t know how to wipe his bum properly

I must not be an adult then but I absolutely love using the words skiddies to describe someone’s dirty skants.

Can totally understand why this is becoming a problem. I would have a chat and offer the solution of using packs of wet toilet paper, Andrex do them, I’ve seen them in Lidl and Aldi and they are all flushable. No excuses after that.

Wet wipes would be great for helping this bloke get his arse clean, but I’m very sceptical about ‘flushable’ wipes @Opal2022. They are (of course) thicker than toilet paper and will not break down easily. I don’t think they should be flushed.

They are supposed to be flushable, sadly this isn't necessarily true.

He needs a lidded bucket with disinfectant in it, you can't wash shitty clothes with other clothes. And bloody tell him!

It may well be that he just doesn’t wipe properly, but IBS can cause “leakage”, is it possible it’s that?

This.

That is so gross. He'd be doing his own washing.

I'd struggle to find a man, who can't manage to wipe his own arse, sexually attractive

Firstly I'd broach the skid subject as it could be he's had a change in bowel habits and there's something amiss. Then if he's checked out and all is fine I'd get him a large net bag and ask him to put his undies in it and I'd wash them separately on a 60 degree wash.

I'd also say that he needs to empty his pockets and that you are no longer going to check (you are not his mother). Therefore he doesn't put clothes in wash until pockets are checked.

Good luck.

You see usually, I’d be nice/pragmatic even when stuff pisses me off.

but in this case I’d be texting “DH, stop leaving your shit stained underwear in the laundry basket, it’s fucking disgusting and you need to sort yourself out”

absolutely revolting!

Let him do his own washing

I think you need to reflect as to why you've allowed this to go on more than one damn time. Unless he's also sight impaired, he knows his pants have shit all over them, yet he doesn't see the problem with leaving that mess for you to deal with. The lack of respect for you is appalling.

Also “a change in bowel habits”?

it isn’t a change. He’s done it before.

and even if it was - would any of you shit yourselves and then leave the mess in the laundry basket for your OH to clean up, or would you have the courtesy and respect to deal with it yourself?!

If this problem is getting worse, I really do think you need to raise the subject with him.
It could be a medical thing, a bowel problem that is causing him to 'leak' a bit. People are embarrassed by such things (you have said that you are even embarrassed to mention it to him, which kind of proves that point) and it might take a push to make him either admit this or get it treated.

Please do ask him about it. What is there to lose, even if it turns out that he's simply never learnt how to wipe his arse properly? In which case you educate him in how it should be done, or get him to deal with his shit-marked undies himself.