To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

[AtTheEndOfMyWick]

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

Can I just add from a clothes washing perspective, I use cloth nappies and the widely recommended wash routine is a 1hr 60 degree prewash (to get rid of the poo marks, after ditching the turds in the loo), then a 2hr 60 degree main wash (so you're not just washing everything in pooey water).

I'm assuming you're not doing that routine with regular clothes so you're currently not washing any clothes properly.

Also, a monthly tub clean to remove any residue is recommended.

The man needs to learn to sort his wiping out, or do his own wash of pants only following the above routine!

Nobody would choose to spend all day with a shitty arse

Oh that comment had me 🤣😂

I'm thinking he's a disgusting article. My ex did this to me once and once only......

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods I reckon a high number of them are the same people screaming at people for parking near their houses, or at shop assistants and waiting staff or teachers and nurses for being ‘slow’ or not doing what they want right away.

The repressed rage at having to BE KIND and powerless at home as you wash shit cakes pants with a tinkly laugh has to spring out somewhere.

So glad I'm from a culture that teaches us from a very young age.. to wash our arses.

OP

He is an adult with I would assume understands what is going on around him and how to do the most basic task of toileting himself.

He should not need to be told to wipe until there is no poo on the toilet paper.

Why is he not grossed out by skidmarks? He should be mortified.

I am so glad of my unmarried status reading this.

Yes, he could very well have a medical reason for leaving shit stains in his underpants, but none of those medical reasons would make his belief that dealing with his shit smeared pants is his wife's job any more reasonable.

This cannot be real.

Calm down fhs. Some of us were pointing out that it's not a good idea to humiliate your DH if it turns out to be a health condition. That doesn't mean that we were encouraging the op to carry on doing the laundry.

😂
I just take a towel from the laundry basket, grab a bunch of laundry, and stuff it in the towel. That way, I don't have to see dirty underwear, and it's much easier to carry. I sympathise with you, though, I would get the major ick and could definitely not imagine doing any sexy stuff with him 🤢
Pull him up on it and advise that you'll no longer wash his dirty underwear unless he starts wiping his ass properly. Best of luck!

But the man is humiliating himself by doing it in the first place! No way should OP have to dance around this and try to work out a way to gently suggest that the husband and father of her children should be literally able to wipe his own arse.

That’s another debate in itself! Whether wiping alone is truly clean!

They're also going to need more than a quick 40 degree wash, they need soaking and then a hot wash, yet still they keep appearing, daily, my god I'd have put him under the patio OP.

I find it hard enough to contend with that youngest DSD does this with her knickers- I can’t imagine how I’d feel if her dad did it too.

I can understand why you don’t know how to bring it up in conversation. He knows he’s doing it, it’s not like he’s oblivious, so it shows a real lack of respect.

I’d be prepared to humiliate anyone who had so much disrespect for me that they thought nothing of leaving their pants caked in shit for me to deal with.

@Itstimeforlunch707 the grown man leaving shit stained underpants for his wife to deal with is humiliating himself plenty without anyone else needing to.

Interesting you think him being taken to task for leaving the shitty pants for his wife to deal with would be humiliating but that his wife being faced with them with no apology or explanation, just an expectation to wash them without complaint is not.

And I’m very calm, thanks. Peaceful even. Not being disrespected in my own home on a daily basis helps.

I’ve already posted on this thread under my usual username but NC to post this because I don’t want this linked to my usual username. Hope MQ understand before they come at me!

I had colorectal cancer when I was really young and have suffered from bowel incontinence since I was 20. During treatment I also had a stoma which would sometimes leak.

Guess what, even when I was living at home and my mum would do all my washing, I would still put my skid marked underwear or poo covered clothes to one side and wash them myself.

So if a young person is able to take that initiative, who was actually having poo in her clothes because of cancer, then a grown man can show respect to his wife and leave his underwear to one side, regardless of whether or not there is a medical reason for it.

You leave me out of this! 🐍

Absolutely.

Agree with others: it is utterly disrespectful towards you.

Maybe don't share stories just in case it is the pop troll like dudes...

*poo

Exactly - I don't know why people think that leaving this sort of thing for anyone else to deal with, be it wife, mother, daughter, whoever - is appropriate.

As long as he is physically able to deal with his own dirty pants, he should be doing it. But he definitely should book a GP appointment as well.

Good lord now we even need to teach them how to wipe their arses

Unless his 'medical condition' is blindness and hand paralysis, he should surely be pre-cleaning his underwear before putting it in the wash. Beyond disgusting, I would mention it or tell him to do his own washing. Vile.

Regardless of cause, he needs to stop putting them in communal basket and deal with them himself. If they're salvageable, into a lidded bucket of water and disinfectant in the bathroom.

But the cause is important. Is he 1) pulling his wags up onto a still-dirty arse after toilet session, in which case he needs to make friends with baby wipes (placed in bin, never flushed) or 2) doing grand job on cleaning arse, and the state of the undies is indicative of leakage happening throughout the day - which is a feature of many bowel diseases and warrants medical investigation.

I know!

It is revolting

Bum wipes and wave the skids pants in his face next time