To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

[AtTheEndOfMyWick]

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

Not long before my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer, he had a couple of episodes where he hadn't realised but he'd had a bit of leakage and stained his pants.

He was mortified and decided to buy ladies pant liners so that if anything leaked again at least it protected his underwear and kept them fairly clean. He was 88 at the time.

Not sure how the man in question would feel about a liner for his pants but it might help with the washing of the offending underwear if there's a lot less debris on them when he has to wash them himself.

How does a nerve root problem compel a man to dump his dumpings into OP's family laundry bin?

Yep, I had a couple of boyfriends who had poor personal hygiene habits. I ditched them long before I became responsible for their washing. The signs were all there, i.e. BO, dirty clothes, not having daily showers, etc.

I told one that he had bad breath and he wasn't getting a snog until he learned how the brush his teeth regularly. It worked for a short time, but he soon got back into "forgetting" or "being too busy" and then got moody when he didn't get a snog. Don't let the door hit you on the way out after being dumped!

Better to establish boundaries right at the start of a relationship, if they react badly, it tells you what their real personality is!

I’d say this ……

This isn’t a conversation I ever wanted to have but you will see that I’ve put an extra bin in the bathroom just for your own use.
It is for the wet wipes that I’ve bought that you can use to clean yourself properly and also for any dirty underwear you take off. When the bin is full, can you please dispose of the contents properly. The new bin liners are in the bathroom drawer. I think you should make an appointment to talk to the doctor about bowel leakage as soon as possible. But in the meantime, the new bathroom system for your own personal use will help me, as clearly I’m not really willing to handle your underwear as it is nor put any of it in with the family wash. You also need to buy yourself a good supply of underwear until the doctor can help you with this problem or until you can get the hang of cleaning yourself properly. I’m sure you are as keen as I am to get this sorted soon as it must be really embarrassing for you so I hope this helps.

I would tackle this head on to be honest - if it’s given you the ‘ick’ to the point where it’s putting you off sex, then you need to talk to him. As others have suggested, there may be reasons why his wiping isn’t as effective as it should be and maybe flushable moist wipes would offer a solution. I wouldn’t have thought it was particularly hygienic to put heavily stained undies into the laundry basket with other clothing, and they’d need to go on a hot wash to make sure they’re properly clean.

THIS

Fuck that. DH used to think it was appropriate to leave massive skids in the toilet, I think he expected his mum to come round and clear it up like she did when she was at home.

Leaving skids in his pants in the washing basket is beyond 🤮

I would get a second laundry basket his stuff goes in there and he can deal with it, and if it's a medical condition he will be fully aware there is shit in his pants and he should be dealing with it.

I assumed it had all been dealt with I was told it had been

Obviously "dealt with it" by burying it in the laundry basket and leaving it fir you. Deplorable!

😡

Do you have sex with this disgusting entitled turd-lord

Honestly, there are animals in Whipsnade with better hygeine than this, my mind is BOGGLED!

Literally most dogs and cats are more hygienic. Men like this should live in a tent somewhere in the woods, they’re not domesticated enough to live in a house with civilised, evolved people.

Sympathies to OP. You do need to mention it and say that you are worried he may have a health problem but in the meantime he needs to get a bin/milton and wash the revolting stuff himself. If he doesn't, just chuck them out into a bin.

And please no wet wipes or allegedly disposable wipes - the latter really aren't and often contain plastic that gets into our rivers - and the former really do clog up drains and can back up sewage into everyone's homes.

It's her DH

Not a stranger

No to special wet wipes, no to finding a shop that sells a lidded bin and filling it and keeping it topped up and regularly changed with milton fluid, no to working out where in the bathroom to keep the bin liners for the special shitty manpants bin so he will remember to change them, no to working out how to sensitively approach this with him lest he feel ashamed....

This man knows he is shitting his pants on the daily. He knows he smells. He knows he has a dirty arse. He knows very well that his wife is having to not only deal with his dirty kecks, but lie in bed at night next to him and launder the smeary sheets, and look at his face over breakfast. He has the hide of a rhino and the sensitive approach is not going to cut it.

He doesn't care that she is married to a man with a shitty arse, or that his kids have a father that has shitty pants.

The amount of energy she should put into handling this sensitively is zero.

Could also install a bum gun in your bathroom, much cheaper & easier alternative to a bidet

What on earth is a bumgun?! (scared to google)

I did google a bum gun,your safe,they have them on Amazon

That is absolutely disgusting!!

Your laundry basket must by a total health and safety hazard!!

There's a few different ways you could word it but they all have to be obvious. You just have to accept it's going to be difficult to say and for him to hear. But it will be totally worth it for you to bring it up. If you don't being it up what will be next? It won't end here.

You could say:

Why is their skid marks in your underwater all of a sudden?

I think you need to do your own washing from now on as you pick up one of his boxers in disgust and throw it in the wash

I'm worried about your health...are you leaking from your anus as I've noticed poo in your pants.

Please can you wipe you bottom more carefully as I don't want your pooey underpants mixing with all of our clothes.

How are you?...I'm worried about you. You are not looking after yourself properly.

Brilliant response!!

No. But maybe he’s embarrassed?

If he was embarrassed surely he'd take steps to ensure that the OP never saw the shit? I think turning them inside out makes it pretty obvious that he doesn't give a ...... shit.

So embarrassed that he doesn't hide the evidence

Yes because when people are embarrassed about shit in their pants, what they do is leave it on full display for their partner to clean up for them.

@Cerealkillerontheloose Mr Attheendofmywick, is that you?