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Original poster

To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

397 replies

AtTheEndOfMyWick · 22/03/2023 07:48

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

OP posts:
Naunet · 22/03/2023 12:21

Annonnimouse · 22/03/2023 10:26

This could well be a medical thing. Especially if it’s worsening over the last few months. If he isn’t seeing any improvement with increased effort to wipe and clean himself. Then he need to look at his diet. If that doesn’t help. Doctors

Can you clarify what medical conditions erase your ability to feel shame and your ability to show your wife any kind of respect?

Mayhemmumma · 22/03/2023 12:21

It might be piles/IBS meaning he's getting leakage or skin tags meaning it isn't easy to clean.

I'd buy flushable wipes and say you've noticed the marks and these might help.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 12:28

Mayhemmumma · 22/03/2023 12:21

It might be piles/IBS meaning he's getting leakage or skin tags meaning it isn't easy to clean.

I'd buy flushable wipes and say you've noticed the marks and these might help.

Maybe she can wipe his arse for him too?

Fucking hell, how are women even attracted to these revolting, disrespectful man babies?

horseyhorsey17 · 22/03/2023 12:30

I don't think I could stay married to a man who can't wipe his own arse.

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:31

Naunet · 22/03/2023 12:28

Maybe she can wipe his arse for him too?

Fucking hell, how are women even attracted to these revolting, disrespectful man babies?

Show quote history

Well, in my case, he didnt do this at the beginning. I has come with age. And the advice re skin tags etc makes sense!
I guess men could say the same of wives who get fat.

Shitfather · 22/03/2023 12:34

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 22/03/2023 07:54

Agreed.

Show quote history

If you think this is bad, there’s always Fesshole on Twitter, which is an absolute cesspit of the worst of human behaviour.

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 12:35

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:31

Well, in my case, he didnt do this at the beginning. I has come with age. And the advice re skin tags etc makes sense!
I guess men could say the same of wives who get fat.

Show quote history

What the actual fuck!

So a man with a complete lack of respect for his wife where he expects her to clean his shit stained underwear is the same as a woman who gains weight?

What about if the man shits his underwear and gets fat too…where does that sit for you?

LlynTegid · 22/03/2023 12:37

Extra wiping, recognising more toilet roll is used and will be needed, is the answer as to what the DH should do.

If not, I think throwing every pair out each time (in a bag).

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/03/2023 12:38

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:31

Well, in my case, he didnt do this at the beginning. I has come with age. And the advice re skin tags etc makes sense!
I guess men could say the same of wives who get fat.

Show quote history

Are you SERIOUSLY comparing different bodyweight to a man expecting his wife to deal with the shit-infested pants he drops into his family's communal washbasket?

BraveFaceScaredInside · 22/03/2023 12:38

Mayhemmumma · 22/03/2023 12:21

It might be piles/IBS meaning he's getting leakage or skin tags meaning it isn't easy to clean.

I'd buy flushable wipes and say you've noticed the marks and these might help.

100% this

FoxCorner · 22/03/2023 12:38

I'd tell him to go to the doctor as he is pooing his pants. I'd also give him a bag to put his pants in and ask him to clean them himself. If he still puts them in the wash put them in a bag and give them to him to deal with

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:39

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 12:35

What the actual fuck!

So a man with a complete lack of respect for his wife where he expects her to clean his shit stained underwear is the same as a woman who gains weight?

What about if the man shits his underwear and gets fat too…where does that sit for you?

Show quote history

No, my point is around "how can women be attracted to these men". I can see a bunch of men saying that about fat wives- "wow, how can you even be attracted to these women" . The behaviour is unacceptable (the undies, not the weight) but its a bit more nuanced than your first statement. Anyway, totally off on a tangent.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 22/03/2023 12:39

Before everyone says how disgusting he is LTB

having that is not normal and my first thought would be to get a medical. Can he feel his saddle area ok? Can he feel himself going to the toilet? Has he ever had back problems or pain?

Shitfather · 22/03/2023 12:40

butterfliedtwo · 22/03/2023 12:09

Vomit-inducing.

Show quote history

😱
Please let this never happen in hot yoga, where every smell is magnified.

TorchwoodWho · 22/03/2023 12:40

There is no way he doesn't know this is happening. Regardless of the reason, leaving inside out dirty pants for someone else to clean is revolting.
I can sympathise with IBS, I would also not be rude and disrespectful enough to even consider leaving dirty underwear for DP to wash should I have an accident.

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:42

TorchwoodWho · 22/03/2023 12:40

There is no way he doesn't know this is happening. Regardless of the reason, leaving inside out dirty pants for someone else to clean is revolting.
I can sympathise with IBS, I would also not be rude and disrespectful enough to even consider leaving dirty underwear for DP to wash should I have an accident.

I dont even think mine looks, he just chucks them in the basket.

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/03/2023 12:42

GrazingSheep · 22/03/2023 08:02

I’ve no idea how to approach with him.
You are well able to give a vivid description on MN. Why can’t you do the same to him?

I'm honestly astonished that a woman could live and make 3 children with a man and be apparently clueless as to how to tell him that he's a dirty pig.

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 22/03/2023 12:44

Kazzyhoward · 22/03/2023 12:20

@Barbecuebeans

If you're an adult you can clean up after yourself,

Sadly, a lot of so-called adults are incapable and act like animals. We've just had a carpet fitted by a local independent reputable firm. One of the guys asked to use the loo. After they'd gone, I went in and never seen such a disgusting mess - shit all around the bowl, on the loo seat, and he clearly used the towel to wipe his arse because they was shit all over it. That's the last time I'll be using that firm, and yes, I've emailed the owner to tell him about the disgusting pig of a animal they employ and that I'll not be using them again and telling people far and wide what he did!

god that's bloody hideous! how disgusting!

Kazzyhoward · 22/03/2023 12:45

Mayhemmumma · 22/03/2023 12:21

It might be piles/IBS meaning he's getting leakage or skin tags meaning it isn't easy to clean.

I'd buy flushable wipes and say you've noticed the marks and these might help.

How can a wife be so scared/apprehensive about her hubbie that she can't tell him how it is and has to come up with some kind of "nice" way to tell him? Why did she marry him in the first place if she's clearly scared of him?

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/03/2023 12:48

Cerealkillerontheloose · 22/03/2023 12:39

Before everyone says how disgusting he is LTB

having that is not normal and my first thought would be to get a medical. Can he feel his saddle area ok? Can he feel himself going to the toilet? Has he ever had back problems or pain?

What medical issue compels a man to drop his shit-beridden pants into a family washbasket & expect his wife to cheerfully cope with them?

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 12:49

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:39

No, my point is around "how can women be attracted to these men". I can see a bunch of men saying that about fat wives- "wow, how can you even be attracted to these women" . The behaviour is unacceptable (the undies, not the weight) but its a bit more nuanced than your first statement. Anyway, totally off on a tangent.

Show quote history

Not really - showing some respect to the person who does your washing isn’t a nuanced area.

And no, weight gain not the same as someone who does not respect their spouse.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/03/2023 12:52

Kazzyhoward · 22/03/2023 12:45

How can a wife be so scared/apprehensive about her hubbie that she can't tell him how it is and has to come up with some kind of "nice" way to tell him? Why did she marry him in the first place if she's clearly scared of him?

Show quote history

I guess you have never heard of manipulative and abusive people who slowly groom another person to not answer back, to not speak their minds, to walk on eggshells...

Its a gradual process done over many years. Its called domestic abuse.

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:53

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 12:49

Not really - showing some respect to the person who does your washing isn’t a nuanced area.

And no, weight gain not the same as someone who does not respect their spouse.

Show quote history

I agree with you totally but you have no idea how many people think it is disrespectful. I even had someone have a go at me at a meal out over weight gain and said I should "lose weight as it is disrespectful to your husband" ..not an old relative or anything , a peer!! Er, no. (and I am not even fat , just not as skinny as when I was 20). Anyway, off topic. I know it doesnt compare.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 12:53

elephantcandle · 22/03/2023 12:31

Well, in my case, he didnt do this at the beginning. I has come with age. And the advice re skin tags etc makes sense!
I guess men could say the same of wives who get fat.

Show quote history

Right, and you don’t think he has a brain in his head that allows him to deal with this issue himself and not expect his wife to clean up his shit and play mummy for him, because….?

saraclara · 22/03/2023 12:54

Here you are OP

"Your pants have skid marks on them every day. Are you having bowel issues? I don't want to handle them and wash them with everything else, so can you put them in a separate bin and see to them yourself? But if you're leaking maybe you should make a doctors appointment?"

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