Would it BU to ask if it’s ok to do this at my daughters school?

[FamilyBusiness]

Hi all, it’s my little ones birthday in April, she will be six. Her birthday falls on a day she’s in school. My oldest son (10) is in same school, he is booked in for a feeding tube to be fitted (Cystic Fibrosis related) on the 18th of April. So we will be celebrating my daughters birthday a week early. But, WIBU to ask their school if I could pay for an educational animal visit for my daughter & her whole class for her birthday it’s a one hour visit.

As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day. Even though we will be celebrating together the week before, he will be in hospital at the time & so she won’t see him in school that day.

I don’t want to email the headteacher if it’s a bad idea, it will be an educational visit with bunny’s, birds, insects, etc etc. Thanks

fun sponges Oh, god, not this bullshit expression.

It sounds wonderful OP, I think you should ask! So exciting for the kids if it can go ahead.

Hope your son's procedure goes well and that your little girl has a lovely birthday.

Another vote for "Go ahead, and ask/offer". Because it is an offer as well as an ask! Good to see replies from teachers here; I was thinking that most schools wouldn't have much to spend on trips out, and the parents wouldn't need to cough up as you're paying.

It's a very sweet idea. I hope they say yes. I mean, they might say no but they can't say yes if you don't offer, can they?

In a nutshell OP doesn’t want to host a party so why can’t the entertainment come to the school as the children are there anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️.

as the majority told her it’s a bad idea she will only send cakes now. Wouldn’t be allowed at our school either!
i am sorry about your son’s operation but you can’t expect the school to host entertainment to distract your daughter. I doubt they would allow it anyway.

Cool

"You won't be able to take the credit and say it's from you/for DDs birthday to the rest of the class/DD even as that will get around and set a precedent of everyone wanting to do their "party" event at school to save themselves the hassle."

I see it as this - you absolutely can offer to cover something (and the school may leap at it) but the issue is asking it to be acknowledged in some way as being for your DD's birthday. That then sets the precedent of it being permitted and others will want their child to have something special in school time for their child - and you are then into parental one-upmanship and issues around parents who can't afford to do this, even if the school would be happy to accommodate.

If you don't mind there not being any reference to your DD's birthday, and potentially no reference to you having financed (although potentially there could be a reference to parents in a newsletter), then I don't see the big deal in asking. You can ask even if you would want them to make it clear it was a treat because it was your daughter's birthday but I suspect that would cause issues. For example, I wouldn't want to have to explain to my child why yours got a birthday party in school (which is effectively what it would be) and mine didn't. I probably wouldn't complain, but I suspect lots would (or would demand the same for their children).

@FamilyBusiness

I think it was a lovely thought.

I would have sent an email to the Head to put the idea across, no one need know that you were paying that could be kept private.

At my DD"S special school they would love this.

For her birthday I arranged with her teacher to throw a little party.

I supplied prizes for party games, cake and party bags.

I had to take into account allergies etc and took the items in a few days before so the teacher could check the items to see if any would cause a problem for a pupil.

They arranged to have this party during the time allocated to PE.

Speak to the Head and her Teacher and see what you can arrange.

For example, I wouldn't want to have to explain to my child why yours got a birthday party in school (which is effectively what it would be) and mine didn't. I probably wouldn't complain, but I suspect lots would (or would demand the same for their children). This is well explained.

I'm surprised at the number of "absolutely nots" here. I'm a teacher and these sort of visitors happen all the time in school and class teachers generally welcome them as a little break from the normal routine. I'm not saying you're guaranteed that they'll say yes but it's definitely worth asking the school rather than strangers on the internet. They'll be far nicer to you than people on here that's for sure. It isn't cheeky or rude to ask. They'll either agree or say no and give reasons why. As long as you can accept a no answer with good grace then I think you should absolutely chat to school and see what they think. I hope the op goes well!!

Gosh these types of responses are depressing.

I wouldn’t. I know your intentions are genuine and it’s a lovely idea, but you know what some mums are like for one up man ship. The school probably wouldn’t allow it for that reason. It’s pretty rubbish being on school on your birthday day I’m sure (mines 30/12 so never was in school) but I don’t think it’s appropriate for parents to pay for things to make their child’s day better. It’s a never ending cycle then, and school should say no

@Phoebo - why? If I was the parent who participates in the ever increasing celebration of children's birthdays at school (my school actually put a stop to everything from home because it was getting crazy) and so asked to do something similar for my child, I would be complaining if I was told no. I'd want to understand why.

Obviously no objections to a parent paying for the whole class to get a treat (although I think better to keep who is funding confidential to avoid pressure on parents who can't afford to do the same) but if one child gets to celebrate their birthday with a special event in class, all should do. That clearly isn't practical and even if it was would be a concern for the children whose parents couldn't afford it / didn't care enough to arrange something.

The distinguishing factor is that the OP's DD has SEN, but the school presumably isn't allowed to disclose that to other parents, plus parents would still complain (and there will be multiple children who can argue special circumstances).

Op would you be happy if they had the visit but didn't specifically have it as a party for dd or mention that it was a birthday treat? That would solve the problem of everybody wanting a birthday treat I think.
School could just say "Class 3 has some animal visitors coming in on Thursday" and leave it at that.

I think it's a lovely idea and you can only ask.
Sorry the bitch brigade are on full attack mode today .

Agreed.

OP don't listen to those who roll out 'one rule for one...". they are joyless and resent anyone getting anything they don't.

I am so sorry your family is having to cope in this way. I hope the feeding tube goes well and the benefits go a small way to alleviate the sadness and worry you must feel.

Hope your dd gets her school party!

I'm a primary teacher and I say yes go and ask!

All of the replies saying risk assessment/ staffing etc as reasons not to do it are ridiculous. We've had animals in for science workshops and they procure their own risk assessment, and we just went into the hall, no extra staff needed.

One of our parents donated the money to pay for our visit, which we were delighted about as we wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise.

You could suggest it to the school as an anonymous donation to pay for the visit, rather than as a birthday treat, and then it makes it less personal and more about your generosity to the school/ class.

Someone also said it's too short notice but really it's not, we've done things with much less notice at school and it's never been an issue.

It's worth asking, you'll regret it if you don't!

The 'distinguishing factor' is op's son has a life limiting illness and is going into hospital to be fitted with a feeding tube, which will change his family's life fundamentally. His little sister is sad for her brother and also has ASD

There will not be lots of other other kids in the class who can claim similar circumstances.

I now hope that the school claim t he entire day as op's dd's school birthday day and the have an entire circus and a large brass band, just to piss people off like you.

Can you not hire a hall after school and have a party with the activity for her? I don't think the school should do this as everyone will be wanting to do it.

I cannot believe the negativity of some people here.

It’s a lovely idea and you are very kind to think of it.
i did this for my son when he was at nursery - a party would have stressed him out but we had a storyteller visit and the little ones loved it and the teacher was delighted.
sending love to you and your little ones, you sound like a great Mum.

Is absolutely ask but in the guise of it being an activity for the school class as far as everyone else is concerned vs being for your child’s birthday.

We asked a few years back what was planned last week of term (week of daughters birthday) and if we could fund something extra that fitted in for her since the weekends either side were already booked up with activities (school summer fair & end of year disco for one and another child’s birthday party the other) and we ended up paying for someone to come in and demo new painting techniques and all the kids using it to make a picture on a small canvas. Individuals have funded other similar activities in the past and the school fundraising also cover some. I think plenty of parents don’t know it’s not just stuff the school do.

I find it really sad how many people have an attitude of if I don’t get it no one should. You see it a lot talking about the strikes and it’s same as seen here. Really petty and unpleasant

You'd complain about that type of school visit?

Maybe my experience is the outlier but when my children were at primary th had all kinds of visits from external groups, fire, police, music grouos, history type group etc.

What kind of school do your childreo go to?

I have no idea who paid for the groups to visit, it could well have been kind parents. I can't believe any parent complained that there child fell behind in phonics or sums because of educational visits, that would have been mad

I have paid for visiting education visits at previous primary school. However they were inline with that terms topic and a class present at Christmas. I don’t buy the teachers gifts. I did it on the understanding it was anonymous and the other parents didn’t find out. It also takes a while to arrange as a heads up.

If you can’t explain to your child that another child’s family is going through a lot with their little boy in hospital etc then it’s worrying.

My daughter has been to some parties we could never afford in a million years… she asked if she could have a similar party but she understood when I said we couldn’t afford it.

OP - ignore the professionally offended here and please do talk to the school. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled that the children’s lives are being enriched. You’re making a kind gesture and they’ll appreciate that. I hope your son’s operation goes well and your daughter copes ok with the changes.

And you plan for the teacher to disclose these details to other parents who ask why their darling child can't have the same?

Assuming a school of 200+ children there will be other children facing similarly trying circumstances (and likely in the class as well) and (probably more importantly) there absolutely will be other children whose parents feel that they deserve a special treat, whether or not they are actually facing similarly trying circumstances. I would say that the two groups probably won't overlap much and the problems will come from the second group!

The OP hasn't actually said that she wants it branded as her DD's birthday anyway, just to be held on the birthday, so this may be a non-issue.

Ffs the op will be in hospital caring for her son after his operation, trying to spend time with her daughter/wider family and do house and work stuff. She may not have time for full on party planning. 🙄