Page 4 | Would it BU to ask if it’s ok to do this at my daughters school?

FamilyBusiness · 2023-03-21T23:42:54+00:00

Hi all, it’s my little ones birthday in April, she will be six. Her birthday falls on a day she’s in school. My oldest son (10) is in same school, he is booked in for a feeding tube to be fitted (Cystic Fibrosis related) on the 18th of April. So we will be celebrating my daughters birthday a week early. But, WIBU to ask their school if I could pay for an educational animal visit for my daughter & her whole class for her birthday it’s a one hour visit. As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day. Even though we will be celebrating together the week before, he will be in hospital at the time & so she won’t see him in school that day. I don’t want to email the headteacher if it’s a bad idea, it will be an educational visit with bunny’s, birds, insects, etc etc. Thanks

DomPom47 · 22/03/2023 03:59

We have had things like this at my children's schooo and it is has always been very well received by parents and the kids. There’s usually two afternoons a week where they have PE or forest school and these are the sessions that would be used. For example there was a session where parents of one child booked a magician for the class for a birthday and another which was a wildlife experience with a few animals including a baby gator that the kids were totally awed at.
ask the school they don’t have to say yes but if they do the kids will love it.
good luck 🍀

RedEyeBaby · 22/03/2023 04:01

Just ask. I was a primary teacher and organised visits. I would have said yes please.

MrsJaneyLloydFoxe · 22/03/2023 04:04

You can ask the school of course you can!

but, be prepared that they would perfectly reasonable to say no for any number of reasons and you mustn’t get huffy in the same way as some of your replies 😉

DragonsFurry · 22/03/2023 04:05

It’ll be too short notice for 18th April, especially as the Easter holls are in two weeks.

Regardless of that, imagine if all parents wanted to do similar on their children’s birthdays. ASD is frankly irrelevant.

Of you’re not going to be around on her birthday, you really need to arrange for another family member or friend to help make her day special, outside of school.

Grouchymardybum25 · 22/03/2023 04:16

It’s worth asking ! We had a tea party and mini pets ( Guinea pigs etc ) for my daughters birthday at school for an hour with her classmates. I was willing to accept a no and wouldn’t have been offended so it didn’t matter to me when I asked either way.

manictuesday · 22/03/2023 04:19

Teacher here who arranges such visits.

I don't think it's wrong of you to ask, so long as you do it nicely and state that you understand this might not be possible to accommodate on the specific day.

No issues with risk assessments if they have visited before the school already have one and these companies are professional, it's not just some random rocking up with their pets.

Schools can always find an extra hour in the day if it's something that enriches the pupil experience, the curriculum isn't so packed that there isn't an hour in the that could be dropped.

Budgets are tight so offering to pay could be a bonus for school to save that money from one class and use elsewhere.

You won't be able to take the credit and say it's from you/for DDs birthday to the rest of the class/DD even as that will get around and set a precedent of everyone wanting to do their "party" event at school to save themselves the hassle.

The school know your situation and sound supportive and I think making this last part clear, that you won't publicise to the other parents it's from you/for DDs birthday, is important in increasing your chances of them agreeing.

I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for DS and DD.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/03/2023 04:23

I really can't see the harm in asking! I don't know why people have to be such arseholes about it..

It's an organisation/company that have visited the school before so they'll have the insurance they need for it, school will have already done risk assessments for it.

You're paying so there's no issue there.

So really it's a matter of whether you can tie in a booking the sanctuary can do, at a time school can do.

Only the school and the animal visit people know the answer to this!

Ask, the worst that can happen is they can't do it.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 22/03/2023 04:37

manictuesday · 22/03/2023 04:19

Teacher here who arranges such visits.

I don't think it's wrong of you to ask, so long as you do it nicely and state that you understand this might not be possible to accommodate on the specific day.

No issues with risk assessments if they have visited before the school already have one and these companies are professional, it's not just some random rocking up with their pets.

Schools can always find an extra hour in the day if it's something that enriches the pupil experience, the curriculum isn't so packed that there isn't an hour in the that could be dropped.

Budgets are tight so offering to pay could be a bonus for school to save that money from one class and use elsewhere.

You won't be able to take the credit and say it's from you/for DDs birthday to the rest of the class/DD even as that will get around and set a precedent of everyone wanting to do their "party" event at school to save themselves the hassle.

The school know your situation and sound supportive and I think making this last part clear, that you won't publicise to the other parents it's from you/for DDs birthday, is important in increasing your chances of them agreeing.

I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for DS and DD.

What a wonderful approach.

I bet your school is a happy one.

Offleyhoo · 22/03/2023 05:07

Your situation does sound very difficult. I'm not sure if it's ok but how can it possibly hurt to offer and could be very well received by school itself and kids alike.

BetiYeti · 22/03/2023 05:11

I might have missed this somewhere OP, but would the kids be able to walk to the animal place? If so, surely it wouldn’t be a big disruption for school to take the children along? I’d ask. Imagine how happy the kids will be.

Mortimercat · 22/03/2023 05:19

No of course you cannot ask this! If you want to organise a trip then you need to do it outside school hours.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 22/03/2023 05:21

BetiYeti · 22/03/2023 05:11

I might have missed this somewhere OP, but would the kids be able to walk to the animal place? If so, surely it wouldn’t be a big disruption for school to take the children along? I’d ask. Imagine how happy the kids will be.

I've read it as the animals come to the school, with handlers?

rwalker · 22/03/2023 05:22

Too disruptive and too much work for them

they’d have to plan it in risk assessment
there everything to check for the people they are allowing in

allergies and parental consent

no doubt there’ll be more stuff I’ve missed

carriedout · 22/03/2023 05:24

I think it's about boundaries and parity.

Boundaries: the fact this is a birthday treat for one child but it would happen in schooltime is weird - it makes school time focused on what should be a home matter.

Parity: why does one child get to make school honour their birthday? The answer is money, which is wrong.

It just has an air of Verica Salt, it is very 'I want to make everyone else celebrate my child'.

If you want a birthday treat, do it at home/elsewhere. If you want to benefit the school/year group, ask the head if you can pay for something. Don't mix up the two.

You asked for honest replies and this would make me hugely about you and your daughter if this happened in my kids' school.

Belindabelle · 22/03/2023 05:28

You definitely need to check with the school about the cakes and treats.

This is not allowed at my school due to allergies. Some children would not be able to have them which is not fair. It’s also a headache for the teachers having to dish them out to take home. They can’t be eaten in class due to healthy eating policy.

BridetoBee · 22/03/2023 05:33

@FamilyBusiness I would definitely offer regardless of the posts here. We used to have an animal lady in for my reception class but haven’t been able to afford it for years. I would love this!

Daisy03 · 22/03/2023 05:34

Bad idea. Do something for her after school or on another day.
It makes that school day about your child and then where does it end with the other children. Give them a birthday badge to wear like the other children

Phoebo · 22/03/2023 05:39

I think.iys lovely, there's no harm is asking. I hope everything goes well for your son

Lemon1822 · 22/03/2023 05:40

Don’t really understand the tone of some of these answers. She’s asking for something the whole class could enjoy as her family are going through a lot.

A lot of people seem to think it’s somehow spoiling her daughter and forcing everyone to celebrate her birthday?? I think it’s sad that that’s how some people would view it. If someone paid for my daughter to have this experience I would be really grateful. I’m honestly baffled.

They may of course say no but more from a practical perspective such as risk assessments and time availability not the “it’s inappropriate” reasons a lot of people seem to have given. Very strange.

Tirrrrred · 22/03/2023 05:48

I think the idea is absolutely bonkers. However your school maybe different otherwise you wouldn't have even considered it.

Could you maybe keep her off that day. Do you have anyone she could be with (grandparent etc)

MynameisJune · 22/03/2023 05:48

@FamilyBusiness definitely ask, my DD’s school would love this. It sounds like there’s only one class per year, same as our school.

I can’t understand the attitude from people here, it’s primary school and she’s in yr1. It’s not like you’re disrupting GCSE exams for it.

Tirrrrred · 22/03/2023 05:49

Is it a small all village school?

We are in a major city with three classes per year.

carriedout · 22/03/2023 05:50

Lemon1822 · 22/03/2023 05:40

Don’t really understand the tone of some of these answers. She’s asking for something the whole class could enjoy as her family are going through a lot.

A lot of people seem to think it’s somehow spoiling her daughter and forcing everyone to celebrate her birthday?? I think it’s sad that that’s how some people would view it. If someone paid for my daughter to have this experience I would be really grateful. I’m honestly baffled.

They may of course say no but more from a practical perspective such as risk assessments and time availability not the “it’s inappropriate” reasons a lot of people seem to have given. Very strange.

But surely you do understand that different people see things differently?

For me, as I said, it is about boundaries (between home and school) and parity (between children).

It is hard to explain etiquette, but to me this is a breach of etiquette, as it is bad mannered to request a special fuss for one child's birthday.

Mabelface · 22/03/2023 05:52

Fuck me, there's some fun sponges here.

Do ask. The worst that can happen is a no. Chances are they'll bite your hand off, although be prepared to not do it on the date you want a it's a bit short notice.

MWT · 22/03/2023 06:02

It actually makes me laugh that there are so many on here who think it is too short notice or think it'll be too hard work....unless you work in a school you pretty much have NO idea.

It isn't too short notice.

If it is free, parents will be informed. Permission doesn't need to be gained.

The animal sanctuary will have their own risk assessments if they travel to schools.

Most schools would love this opportunity for a FREE visit. Whether it is is an hour, half a day or a full day.

OP - as I said before, don't make it about your child's birthday and I'm sure it'll be well received.