Would it BU to ask if it’s ok to do this at my daughters school?

[FamilyBusiness]

Hi all, it’s my little ones birthday in April, she will be six. Her birthday falls on a day she’s in school. My oldest son (10) is in same school, he is booked in for a feeding tube to be fitted (Cystic Fibrosis related) on the 18th of April. So we will be celebrating my daughters birthday a week early. But, WIBU to ask their school if I could pay for an educational animal visit for my daughter & her whole class for her birthday it’s a one hour visit.

As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day. Even though we will be celebrating together the week before, he will be in hospital at the time & so she won’t see him in school that day.

I don’t want to email the headteacher if it’s a bad idea, it will be an educational visit with bunny’s, birds, insects, etc etc. Thanks

I think it’s a lovely idea, it can’t hurt to ask. I hope your DD manages to have a nice birthday either way

@HarrietSchulenberg Yeah I completely understand, you’re right in what you’ve said 100% that’s why I thought I’d see others opinions. I didn’t wanna spring it on the headteachers toes & make her feel obliged to say yes or make her feel bad for saying no. Either way she’ll have a lovely birthday with or without anything like that happening in school. I’m sure she will.

@AlicesPalace Thank you for your kind reply. I doubt I’ll be asking now as I can completely understand that they can’t just change curriculum & I wouldn’t want to make other kids in the school feel left out in any way. I was just genuinely thinking of ways to cheer her up in school that day & that was one of them. But definitely won’t be going ahead with it now 😂

@Howtohelp1234 Thank you x

I can understand OP but your children won't be the only children they have facing difficulties in life and it sets the kind of precedent that will only create a massive headache for the school and if it were me I wouldn't ask. Particularly as I think the refusal will be firm enough to feel a bit embarrassing

I get it though

I think it's a lovely idea but logistically I think it would be qhite

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit Yep I agree, I wouldn’t want to cause any precedent in the school especially as they’re really good with my children, don’t want to rock the boat with that. I’ll send her in with cupcakes for her class though. Thank you for you kind reply x

Butter fingers. I think it would be quite difficult for them to organise. They'd need additional staff, sort transportation, etc. Also, if they do agree they'd have to agree to future requests like this as well. I think you can ask but to be honest I can't imagine them saying yes.

Lots of schools do these kind of visits anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to ask if it could tie in with the date you have in mind.
I wouldn't ask in email though. It will come across better face to face.
It might be better starting the conversation off by telling them you're worried about your DD's reaction to her brother's operation and ask if they have suggestions on how to make the day better for her.
As you're offering to pay, they might be more inclined to put it on as an after-school activity supported by the PTA to take the pressure of the staff to fit it in.

I think these kind of visits often tie in to multiple parts of the curriculum which is why schools like them.

@PlaceAtAnE True, it was just a spare of the moment thought whilst I was going over how I’m going to get her into school at all once she knows her brother won’t be there for a few weeks, I honestly would never expect the school to change any curriculum for my daughter or anything like that. I’d have even paid for the whole school as they do whole school days. But I didn’t actually think far ahead of how much it would disrupt class so I won’t be asking anyway 😅

@SheilaWilcox Thanks for your reply. I don’t think I’ll be asking now, but I’ll send her in with cupcakes & some treats for her class. Hopefully that will take her mind off it.

@HarrietSchulenberg they wouldn't have to do any of that chill out. A therapy animal group comes to my hospital once month and the insurance aspect is on them. The patients are asked ahead of time who wants to come see them and away we go. It's low risk, safe and very enjoyable. 30 minutes of petting the animals. And away back in the cages they go to another ward.

Ask the school OP, I don't even think the school is your biggest obstacle it will most likely be busy-body mums/dads who will invent reasons (as per the replies here) as to why it can't or shouldn't happen. Siblings of chronically ill children are very vulnerable to feeling excluded and forgotten, it's a lovely idea and one that really shows her birthday is important, even though brother is in hospital.

@Fromwetome Honestly after one or two replies on here it’s put me right off asking the school.

I feel like I have to explain that I’m not some nasty mum who wants to upset all the little kids. I just thought it would be nice to do something for my daughters class but like I said, cupcakes & treats for her class it is 😅Thank you for your reply x

@FamilyBusiness it's definitely worth talking to the school about your DD anyway. The more they know about a child's situation, the more they can relate to them.

I'm really surprised by the responses here. Our local primary school has one of these visits for year 3 children every year, (think they loosely relate it to rainforest work.) Year 1 have Police / Fire come in. A theatre group comes in to do a horrible histories type thing.
Anything that brings learning to life.

The PTA fundraise all year round and give around £300 to each year group to spend on 'externals' coming in for a fun, but learning, activity.

But weirdly, no longer allowed to take Haribo or cakes in on birthdays as parents complained!

@SheilaWilcox the local primary sounds like my children’s primary school.

They have all sorts going on, ice cream trucks being hired, animal visits, fire brigades, police, theatre shows, magicians. Wish it was like that when I was in school haha.

I will just ask if it’s ok for her to bring in a round of cupcakes & a goody bag each for her classmates.

“As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day.”

I think I’d have played down his visit to hospital and been bright and breezy about it rather than her getting distraught and needing cheering up.

What if he was out on a school trip? Or when he leaves the school to go to secondary? She needs to be resilient enough in her own year group to cope with his absence.

Her needs that day should be about her exciting birthday and not much else. At 6, she didn’t really need to know too much about her brother’s procedure. Making a big song and dance about it is counterproductive imo.

I don’t recognise half the barriers being thrown up here. OP says they have had these visits before, so they clearly over came the allergy/fear/parent complaints before.

I don’t see the harm in asking. They may say no because the timetable is so tight and full, and they may ask it to remain a secret that you paid. Perhaps just call it a donation. Whatever.

my rural primary has had animals, local am dram, police and road safety volunteers, the lot. I went in with two puppies in when we had a litter last for an hour after lunch. My husband has demonstrated so metal working/blacksmithing, another dad explained about how he uses maths as a builder for the Y6.

@UWhatNow Unfortunately as simple as you seem to think it is, we can’t play down his hospital visits as whenever he has anaesthesia he has to stay in hospital isolation for 2/3 weeks on IVs, so we have to tell her pretty early so she can ask all the questions she needs & so it won’t be a big massive unhappy surprise when she wakes up & I'm not there because I’m at the hospital with my son.

It’s a massive change to her which is something she can’t help, it would make my life so much easier to just play it down believe me. But she adores her brother & she can’t tolerate change well at all. Hence the reason we tell her the truth so she has a few weeks to process it & we can deal with her anxiety about it & put steps in place to help us help her. Because my attention will be mostly on my son for the next few weeks alternating between hospital stays with their dad. Wouldn’t it be lovely to split myself in two & give one half to each of my children.

@UWhatNow But thanks for your ignorant opinion. I’ll note that down.

Well said

I don't see the harm in asking, my child's class had a sanctuary visitor in class last year and the children loved it. I think it's a lovely idea , maybe if you said you would schedule it for the end of the day they might be more in agreement. I hope they agree

I did this but paid for the whole year to attend it. I gave them loads of notice, and like you was a bit nervous about asking. the school initially looked at me a bit weirdly but then came back and said a big yes. They really enjoyed it.
Just ask, they might not be able to do it on the exact day you want but it’s a lovely idea. good luck.