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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask if it’s ok to do this at my daughters school?

322 replies

FamilyBusiness · 21/03/2023 23:42

Hi all, it’s my little ones birthday in April, she will be six. Her birthday falls on a day she’s in school. My oldest son (10) is in same school, he is booked in for a feeding tube to be fitted (Cystic Fibrosis related) on the 18th of April. So we will be celebrating my daughters birthday a week early. But, WIBU to ask their school if I could pay for an educational animal visit for my daughter & her whole class for her birthday it’s a one hour visit.

As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day. Even though we will be celebrating together the week before, he will be in hospital at the time & so she won’t see him in school that day.

I don’t want to email the headteacher if it’s a bad idea, it will be an educational visit with bunny’s, birds, insects, etc etc. Thanks

OP posts:
Azandme · 21/03/2023 23:44

It's a lovely idea, and I see your point, but it's not really the place for it.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 21/03/2023 23:45

Oh how lovely, I'd ask.... hope all goes well.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 21/03/2023 23:46

You can certainly ask but I wouldn’t be surprised if they said no

LondonPretty · 21/03/2023 23:47

This reply has been deleted

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Smellyfishh · 21/03/2023 23:47

That's really nice x

Santasoorplooms · 21/03/2023 23:49

Sorry to hear about your son. I think it’s fine to ask as long as you are prepared for the school to say no.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 21/03/2023 23:50

I think there is no harm in asking, but you should understand that the school curriculum is generally quite packed, so fitting in an hour's activity might be challenging. Then there is the additional work that it would create for the teachers...risk assessments etc. I think it is very likely that they will say no. Especially if they have concerns that it might set a precedent etc.

Can you think of other ways to help your dd celebrate instead?

Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 21/03/2023 23:51

@LondonPretty Not once did I say I wanted to take over the school. One hour isn’t taking over a 6 hour day. I’ve come here to see if it was worth asking the school. There’s no need whatsoever to be rude.

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 21/03/2023 23:51

I don't think the school should agree to it.

Imagine the precedent it sets. You couldn't accommodate everyone's request.

Brunilde · 21/03/2023 23:53

I really wouldn't I think it's quite cheeky. They can't just do it for one kid and if they did it for all of them there would be one every week.

Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 21/03/2023 23:53

Thanks everyone else for your messages 😊The school are aware of my lad going in for his operation, I was just having a think as they are extremely good with my two children & are always organising things for each class to do quite often, one being animal visits. But I’ll have a think about it. Probs won’t ask them anyway. Was just an idea.

OP posts:
LavenderFields7 · 21/03/2023 23:53

headteacher at my kids school would absolutely love this. They have animals visit twice a year. Go for it! The worst they can say is no. I think it’s a fab idea.

Orangesandlemons82 · 21/03/2023 23:53

I think the risk assessments that staff would have to undertake would make it a no. Some children may have allergies when with birds and animals in a confined space so logistically it would be a nightmare

MrsDoylesDoily · 21/03/2023 23:54

I'd say absolutely not because the school would probably ask where it would end?

By the end of term every parent whose child has a birthday on a school day, would probably want the same thing and there are not enough hours in a school day I'm afraid.

Plus, what about all the other kids in the school who are not in your DD's class? It's hardly fair on them.

Nice idea though, could you not use your garden if you have one or see if you can hire a hall with an outside space?

Untitledsquatboulder · 21/03/2023 23:56

Ds2 once took our pet tortoises in for show and tell (supervised by me, by prior arrangement) and they were a big hit and we then had to do a tour of the other Y1 classrooms. So school may not be adverse to it at all.

Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 21/03/2023 23:57

@Brunilde Oh, sorry you think it’s cheeky for cheering a child up & her class mates too. But ok.

OP posts:
premicrois · 21/03/2023 23:59

No I think this is really strange. I'm sorry your son is unwell but it has no bearing on your DDs birthday at school. Could you imagine if every child asked for this?

A trip for one hour probably takes ten times that in terms of arrangements too.

The teachers know what they are doing you don't get to tell them bunnies are educational Confused

LondonPretty · 21/03/2023 23:59

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Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 21/03/2023 23:59

@LondonPretty No, you was rude. If I didn’t want other peoples opinions I wouldn’t have posted here btw.

OP posts:
premicrois · 22/03/2023 00:00

Oh wait sorry I think I misread you, it's not a trip you want the animals in school? It makes no overall difference, I don't think this is a normal thing to do.

Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 22/03/2023 00:05

@premicrois No I won’t actually be there. The Animal sanctuary do school visits that’s why I said it’s educational visits. Because that’s what they call them when they visit schools, they’ve been to their school quite a lot so I know the teachers & kids enjoy it that’s why I thought it would be nice to do it but I pay for it. Not the school. Anyway, I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea & I wasn’t certain I was even going to ask the school. It was just an idea for a minute.

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyBusiness · 22/03/2023 00:08

Not that it makes much difference but I don’t mean I want or expect the school to pay for the visit. I’d have been the one paying but either way it was just a thought. I’ll probably do something else on the day of her birthday anyway. Thanks for the constructive replies 👌

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 22/03/2023 00:08

It's a nice idea but school would have to insure, risk assess and staff it if it happens during the school day and in their venue. They might not be willing to accept the extra costs and responsibility. What happens if one child has a fur or feather allergy, or a phobia, and can't join in? School would have to provide somewhere and someone to cover that child. As a PP said, the school curriculum is also planned already and is unlikely to be able to fit this in - it's not just an hour's visit, it's at least 2 when factoring in settling excited children before and after.
There's still no harm in asking school, the worst they can do is say no.

rainbowunicorn · 22/03/2023 00:09

Don't ask the school this OP it really isn't appropriate. Schools can't just suddenly change the school day because it us someone's birthday. They may gave animals un onnotger occasions but it will be planned and built into the curriculum.
Where would it end. If others got wind if thus there would be a constant stream of parents wanting things on their child's birthday.

AlicesPalace · 22/03/2023 00:09

@FamilyBusiness I am sorry that some posters are being unnecessarily cruel. Easy to say “sorry I don’t think it would be allowed due to risk assessments” or whatever.

I am so sorry you are taking your child to get a feeding tube fitted. That must be very difficult and especially that your daughter has autism and won’t understand that her brother isn’t around.

I am not sure if the school would allow it, but you can only ask. If they say no, they say no. I think the PPs saying the school won’t allow it due to “setting a precedent” is unlikely as there is no need whatsoever to mention it is due to the child’s birthday. My children and I have no extenuating circumstances at all, and I have often been allowed certain things because I asked but was warned not to tell other parents as they didn’t want an influx of requests.

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