Page 4 | DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

Lolabear38 · 2023-03-21T23:01:48+00:00

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here. Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight. I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too. Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty. DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night! There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 01:32

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:27

Noooo. I get the sandwich for dinner. 😋

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A crisp sandwich over homemade lasagne is.....not my thing.

However, each to their own, you do you. If you would do better out of the deal then great.

Now please explain why the kids, who have been ill and need decent food, should eat a sandwich or a crappy fat laden pizza, the alternative being the OP who is on her beam end after looking after said kids when (I repeat) THEY HAVE BEEN ILL, cooking another meal she had actively planned ahead to not have to do, in order for Daddy to satisfy his greed for a third full dinner.

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:34

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 01:29

Yeah, I’m not sure if this poster is the ultimate handmaiden or just a troll. I’m leaning towards the latter.

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Oh, how original. If someone does or thinks something different, they must be a troll or a Russian bot, or a Tory stooge, or ...a man. 😏
🥱 So predictable.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 01:36

I genuinely dont see how anyone can justify a grown up human eating their own sick childrens food, which is literally what he would be doing.

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 01:39

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:32

Just because how I'd behave is different from how you would, doesn't make it bizarre. For me if he ate the lasagna, I'd happily spoil myself with a crisp sandwich. Or hummus on garlic pitta bread. Or an open prawn and salad sandwich with Marie Rose sauce. Or prawn and avocado pitta pocket. Gosh, so much stuff I'd be happy to eat.

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It’s not bizarre because it’s ‘different from me’, it’s bizarre because you are advising a woman who has shown no inclination to do so on how to cater to her partner’s poor behaviour. You do t see how that’s problematic?

Also, your assumption that she wanted something other than what she’d planned to have is strange. The fact that you would rather have assorted snacky things doesn’t mean that she would.

And, finally, the issue isn’t alternative foods. It’s her partner’s poor behaviour. How is that not clear to you?

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:39

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 01:32

A crisp sandwich over homemade lasagne is.....not my thing.

However, each to their own, you do you. If you would do better out of the deal then great.

Now please explain why the kids, who have been ill and need decent food, should eat a sandwich or a crappy fat laden pizza, the alternative being the OP who is on her beam end after looking after said kids when (I repeat) THEY HAVE BEEN ILL, cooking another meal she had actively planned ahead to not have to do, in order for Daddy to satisfy his greed for a third full dinner.

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I'm just saying, I'd have a crisp sandwich, ir one of the ither options, which would make me very happy. So there'd be a free portion for greedy pig husband. If the children then decided they preferred something else to the lasagna, I couldn't really deny them. But I'd be happy to leave them all to the lasagne and take myself off to the tv. Easier for me. So, yeah, maybe you're right. They should stick with the lasagna with their father and leave me in peace. Thanks for steering me straight. 👍

sashh · 22/03/2023 01:42

OP

The lasagna wasn't 'left overs' it was a meal for a family.

I hope you show him this thread.

Fraaahnces · 22/03/2023 01:45

So let me get this right… YOU’RE selfish because he chose to be a glutton and assumed that everyone else would just have to eat smaller, adjusted sizes to accommodate this? I see his logic. That is called gaslighting. He can get fucked. You did the right thing. He had tonight’s dinner last night.

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:47

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 01:39

It’s not bizarre because it’s ‘different from me’, it’s bizarre because you are advising a woman who has shown no inclination to do so on how to cater to her partner’s poor behaviour. You do t see how that’s problematic?

Also, your assumption that she wanted something other than what she’d planned to have is strange. The fact that you would rather have assorted snacky things doesn’t mean that she would.

And, finally, the issue isn’t alternative foods. It’s her partner’s poor behaviour. How is that not clear to you?

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I guess the op is capable of deciding what she wants to do. Mine is just an alternative suggestion that might save her time from writing on SM. I'm not prescribing only a crisp sandwich. I'm all for diversity. Everyone keeps things they like in the house, don't they? Oh well, maybe that's just me that has a varied cupboard.
I'm just saying that I'd turn my husband's poor behaviour to my personal advantage. Is that so very wrong? 🤔

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 01:53

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:47

I guess the op is capable of deciding what she wants to do. Mine is just an alternative suggestion that might save her time from writing on SM. I'm not prescribing only a crisp sandwich. I'm all for diversity. Everyone keeps things they like in the house, don't they? Oh well, maybe that's just me that has a varied cupboard.
I'm just saying that I'd turn my husband's poor behaviour to my personal advantage. Is that so very wrong? 🤔

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Well not for you it seems.

Personally I would not want the father of my children to teach them that greediness gets him what he wants, them to get less and that Mummy will always do without. But again I say, you do you.

caringcarer · 22/03/2023 01:56

I'd have done exactly the same OP. I'd not be taking food from our children or going without myself because DH was so greedy. His reaction was disgusting. I hope you challenged him, should I have taken food from children for you or gone without myself because when I went to bed their was 4 portions left. Not my fault you decided to eat your tomorrow dinner last night.

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:56

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 01:53

Well not for you it seems.

Personally I would not want the father of my children to teach them that greediness gets him what he wants, them to get less and that Mummy will always do without. But again I say, you do you.

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Fair enough. I will. Thanks. 🙂

Codlingmoths · 22/03/2023 02:06

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 01:32

Just because how I'd behave is different from how you would, doesn't make it bizarre. For me if he ate the lasagna, I'd happily spoil myself with a crisp sandwich. Or hummus on garlic pitta bread. Or an open prawn and salad sandwich with Marie Rose sauce. Or prawn and avocado pitta pocket. Gosh, so much stuff I'd be happy to eat.

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Just no. The whole point of meal planning is that the thought process is done. You know what’s happening. Why would she arrange some thing else? Why wouldn’t the selfish husband? If it’s so easy and fun and downright exciting why wouldn’t he jump at the chance? It’s funny how posters like this have such double standards- it’s easy and no effort and actually a treat for the mum to do this, but it’s totally unreasonable to expect the husband to do it.

It’s like the male posters when they are the teachers husband saying of course teachers should do more housework and then when the man is the teacher saying it’s super stressful and he just needs a break and needs childcare in the holidays so they can relax. Not all men and not all teachers obviously but it’s so common.

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 02:12

Codlingmoths · 22/03/2023 02:06

Just no. The whole point of meal planning is that the thought process is done. You know what’s happening. Why would she arrange some thing else? Why wouldn’t the selfish husband? If it’s so easy and fun and downright exciting why wouldn’t he jump at the chance? It’s funny how posters like this have such double standards- it’s easy and no effort and actually a treat for the mum to do this, but it’s totally unreasonable to expect the husband to do it.

It’s like the male posters when they are the teachers husband saying of course teachers should do more housework and then when the man is the teacher saying it’s super stressful and he just needs a break and needs childcare in the holidays so they can relax. Not all men and not all teachers obviously but it’s so common.

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Golly, I can't believe me being happy with a crisp sandwich over lasagne can bring about so much angst.

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 02:20

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 02:12

Golly, I can't believe me being happy with a crisp sandwich over lasagne can bring about so much angst.

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Nobody cares if you’d be happy with a crisp sandwich. It’s irrelevant to the post. As has now been explained to you, pretty comprehensively, by multiple people. And, no, it’s not an ‘alternative solution’ as catering to poor behaviour doesn’t address or solve said behaviour.

I’m a bit annoyed that OP is going to come back to a thread that is 50% people addressing your disingenuous nonsense. And annoyed that I’ve contributed to this pointless derailing.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/03/2023 02:24

Moving swiftly on...

Tibbb · 22/03/2023 02:25

LTB

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 02:26

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 02:20

Nobody cares if you’d be happy with a crisp sandwich. It’s irrelevant to the post. As has now been explained to you, pretty comprehensively, by multiple people. And, no, it’s not an ‘alternative solution’ as catering to poor behaviour doesn’t address or solve said behaviour.

I’m a bit annoyed that OP is going to come back to a thread that is 50% people addressing your disingenuous nonsense. And annoyed that I’ve contributed to this pointless derailing.

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You've written quite a lot in several posts considering you don't care about my gastronomic choices. I've had lasagna one night. I'm happy for someone else to have my portion on the second night. I'm just easy-going, I guess.

LadyJ2023 · 22/03/2023 02:31

Hmmmm in my family hubby,sons,daughters always make more than needed because they all have diffrent amounts and some days the boys after school and hubbyafter work are ravenous so I would never refuse them a second portion of tea. I nearly always make double so if I need for another meal I always have plenty left no matter what they eat the first time

SazCat · 22/03/2023 02:38

LadyJ2023 · 22/03/2023 02:31

Hmmmm in my family hubby,sons,daughters always make more than needed because they all have diffrent amounts and some days the boys after school and hubbyafter work are ravenous so I would never refuse them a second portion of tea. I nearly always make double so if I need for another meal I always have plenty left no matter what they eat the first time

I don't think the point is that he ate it really, its that he didn't mention it to OP even though he'd been told it was for dinner the next night

Mouse82 · 22/03/2023 02:55

Curiosity101 · 21/03/2023 23:08

YANBU - I'd decided what I'd have done before reading the end of your message. Turns out I'd have done exactly the same and have just left whatever was not wanted (as opposed to a specific portion for him).

I suppose it would've been nicer to give him a heads up so he could've sorted something extra out for himself by nipping to the shop or something on the way home though. I don't think I'd have thought to do that at the time though, not if I was stressed and hungry after a day looking after 2 poorly kids.

Would have been even better if he gave her the heads up and not left it for her to find.. She explained what she was saving it for and he decided to eat his bit early.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/03/2023 03:06

My dh can also be a fridge hoover. A few years ago dh did the same thing with macaroni layer pie (so lasagne with macaroni). Dd and I are. I didn’t plate his up and told him to help himself only to discover he’d literally eaten half the dish, which is a double portion - even for him!

There should have been 2 portions left for dd and me, which I’d earmarked for the next day but there was not. I’m not a well woman so making a meal can be a gargantuan effort and I was pretty fuming at the greed. I now put his on a plate and was very explicit after that not take food that isn’t ‘his’.

I am totally with you on the natural consequence front. Your dh ate his portion the night before. Hopefully he won’t do that again. We have 2 fridges so his meal goes in one, the remainder of the dish in the one in the garage. I occasionally get the ‘I’m not allowed x’ comments or ‘oh I didn’t think I was allowed that’ and just ignore.

Lydiahateswashing · 22/03/2023 03:47

You are overreacting. The length of your Ozp is irrational.

You do know that there are people dying in wars and from famine?

Learn to let go.

Moser85 · 22/03/2023 03:55

LadyJ2023 · 22/03/2023 02:31

Hmmmm in my family hubby,sons,daughters always make more than needed because they all have diffrent amounts and some days the boys after school and hubbyafter work are ravenous so I would never refuse them a second portion of tea. I nearly always make double so if I need for another meal I always have plenty left no matter what they eat the first time

She didn't refuse him a second portion. And she said there's normally no issue with second portions at all.

This was just one time...when they'd all finished and she saw there was plenty left so she said great that's tomorrows dinner sorted! Which would be very convenient when she has sick kids at home.

He knew it was for dinner but decided to eat a portion before bed...which again wouldn't really have been an issue except for he came home annoyed and told the OP that she was selfish!

There would be no issue with the second portion at all except for the fact that he decided to be horrible to OP about it.

aloris · 22/03/2023 03:59

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 02:26

You've written quite a lot in several posts considering you don't care about my gastronomic choices. I've had lasagna one night. I'm happy for someone else to have my portion on the second night. I'm just easy-going, I guess.

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You've written a very strange series of posts. It was very clear in the OP that she wanted to eat lasagna both nights, so your personal preference for crisp sandwiches is irrelevant here. Homemade lasagna is delicious and it's quite a bit of work to make, so it's reasonable for it to be shared out fairly. The OP's dh took his second portion ahead of schedule, even though he was told it was being saved for everyone to have the next day at dinner. Then he seemed to assume that everyone else should have an insufficient portion so that he could have a third portion and accused the OP of being selfish when she didn't comply with King Husband's taste buds coming before everyone else's welfare.

You then, leapfrog in to the thread and start making comments about how you would have used the [husband-created] lasagna dinner deficit as an excuse to have a crisp sandwich. Let me hereby give you permission to have a crisp sandwich any time you want, because a crisp sandwich is zero effort to make, does not taste better than, well, than plain crisps, and has no nutritional value. Homemade lasagne is special. A crisp sandwich is not special. Having a crisp sandwich is not taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity happily provided to you by King Husband's eating too much lasagne. It's concocting an excuse to fake like his behavior is ok by expecting the woman to absorb the effect of his selfishness at her own expense and even pretend that she likes it.

Also, if crisp sandwiches are so great, then maybe OP's husband should have just had one of those instead of complaining about how everyone else should have tightened their belts for dinner so he could have had a THIRD piece of lasagna take food from his kids' mouths.

Mortimercat · 22/03/2023 04:47

I don’t try and control what my husband eats. If he wants to eat lasagne after I have gone to bed he is free to do so. I think you were correct to take a normal size portion for yourself and the children this evening and didn’t need to leave him anything, but I would probably have come up with something for DH’s dinner if he was working late.