If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Whether or not I went to one has no impact on my opinion that private education is unethical and perpetuates inequality.

I do have one or two friends who went to private school but generally I find such people hard to get on with, because they tend to look down on me. The friends I have are the ones who got out of their rarefied bubble and saw the world a bit (eg adopted kids, worked in the public sector).

I ended up at a university mainly populated by private school students and every one of my friends there was from a regular state school or free grammar, including my now husband. The outlook on life is so different.

The identikit ambitions of private school boys were a sight to behold. Honestly I felt a bit sorry for them as the parental pressure was immense.

Private school is immoral in my opinion. I’d avoid being friends with someone who went to one

Over confident, often the does to make a speech or dominate a discussion regardless of whether or not they have anything to really say, not very resilient as they had so much hand holding through school, often oblivious about their privilege.
generalisation - but I work with a lot of private education types and the normal, smart and modest ones are a rarity.
they’ve often ‘bought’ their qualifications.

yes I think they have an unfair advantage and yes I think they don't know about the real world
I try to be far and give them the benefit of the doubt but I find they often have a very entitled attitude

I first came across private school kids when I went to university and I couldn't believe how confident they were whereas me and my friends were riddled with self doubt and poor self esteem.

I manage a large team (400 people). Without over generalising I find that those who are privately educated are more adept at talking the talk, and are effective in interviews and meetings, compared to their state school educated colleagues who are less confident but generally more inclined to 'get shit done'. My privately educated staff (and friends and relatives) have a finesse that comes with the networking and extracurricular opportunities Private gives. I have talented and nice staff in both groups but the privately educated have to do less to get ahead, generally.

I wish I had been able to go to private school, so I suppose there’s an element of envy there. I went to a really rough comp in a deprived area.

The work colleagues I have had who went to private school have been articulate and confident.
But I can’t say they’ve had an unfair advantage because we ended up in the same job.

I have no idea if anyone I work with went to private school to be honest, I met a few people who had at uni and it didn't affect what I thought of them- just like anyone else some were nice, some weren't; they're still human. Depends on the sector I guess but its not really an advantage in mine as where you obtained your degree is immaterial (it is a graduate profession though), and connections/networking doesn't make a difference. I view it like private healthcare really, less burden on state funded schools and if people can afford it fair do to them. Its just not the case that if they closed the quality of state schools would rise- aside from perhaps in certain, expensive areas.

The real advantage imo of private school is the ability to do extra circulars and the skills and confidence this can instill, but if your family is rich you could do this outside of school if you were forced into a different school anyway. Money does buy advantages and gives the opportunity to do unpaid internships etc which will invariably help people break into certain sectors, but also many people I'm sure still do work hard and can't put their success down purely to that.

@Lcb123 only thing I’d say on this is that a child doesn’t pay their own fees so not their choice or fault?

I’d take a working class, state educated graduate from any Uni over a private educated Oxbridge/ St Andrews/Durham etc one any dat if the week.

Why? Such an odd stance to have

Why?

Yes, same for me too. I remember being sat in seminars thinking, your parents spent all that money to get you here and I got here for free, and now I'm getting better marks than you.......

Don’t care either way. I think there’s pros and cons in private/state

Interesting @hanginds

I was raised very rural, and returned to same area, more rural.

Private school was an elusive unknown.

I then worked as a solicitor for twenty plus years, and was well known as a child appointed rep both in private and local schools.

There was no difference between the level of abuse and depression.

I met privately educated people at university and through my career but actually I do not have any close friends privately schooled.

Being rural, what DH would say and I to a certain extent, although I'm quieter than him is that they would go absolutely nuts at young farmer events when home. Great company, but wild. Whereas we probably did all that from a younger age so less need by then?

I went to uni with, and work with, quite a few people who went to private school. They do have a lot of confidence but I generally just think what a waste of money? All that money spent on their education and they've ended up in the same profession as me!

My two friends who went to private school are just the same as my other friends who didn't, in temperament, although they both are incredibly career driven and high achievers. But then again so are some of my other friends, although I wouldn't for one minute say that they are reflective of other privately educated people I have come across. I think my friends are more of a reflection of their family than their education.

However I do remember thinking when we were growing up that I would never put my children through private school, even if incould afford it, because the pressure they were under from the school was insane. It felt wholly inappropriate for kids our age and it was clearly the school trying to get the results the parents were paying for.

My DH stopped taking on private school kids in his small business as they kept sodding of to go find themselves / travel the world / try a new career just at the point before they got to the point of actually making money and not just being a cost. The ones who came from more modest backgrounds always pushed themselves more as they had bills to pay, didn’t have mummy and daddy’s money security blanket to fall back on.

At our work we’re now weeding out a lot of the private/Oxbridge types as part of DE&I.
thankfully. Our industry is full of half witted posh boys, and girls, who talk the talk in an interview but lack any real substance.
positive discrimination ( obvs we don’t call it that) is the only way to get anywhere near evening it out.
and no I don’t think it’s unfair, a state school kid, from a lower socio economic background, getting into Uni, surviving the 3/4 years and doing well has already worked harder than any of the wealthy kids.

Very confident but not necessary smarter for all that money.

Have friends who did and they just seem to be more confident, our kids did and are very confident and seem to have an ease about them in situations their peers have seem to struggle with. None of my friends who did look down on us who didn't.

I don't think it gives an advantage. I think you can work your way up in any career if you have the desire and drive. Especially nowadays with the advancement of technology we all have more equal opportunities to show what we can do.

Another vote here for the stunningly high levels of self-confidence. My family is decidedly not wealthy and I went to university with a lot of very wealthy people who were privately educated, and the levels of self-confidence in some of them were something else. I don't know if it comes from wealth, family values, the private school atmosphere or what, but it's certainly a powerful characteristic to possess. Of course, some of them were simply arrogant a**holes, but some were nice people to whom it never occurred to doubt themselves.