If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Now that I'm middle aged, I'd say that the privately educated people in my university circle of friends have had greater career success, but the group who have the greatest overall happiness (jobs they enjoy which they do well, stable relationships, work/life balance) are the ones who were educated at comprehensive schools and who had very supportive parents.

I work in an industry where I’m in the minority not being privately educated. Tbh I really don’t care.

A lot of my colleagues really value private education for their kids, I don’t.

I think there’s value in private education but both DH and I have done well without it - other people think it should be a priority, that’s fine too.

I remember a friend at Durham (also state educated like me) suddenly realising that the ones in his tutor group who spoke dead posh were talking absolute bollocks in answer to a question. It was a revelation to him.
For me it was realising that all of us from crap comprehensives who'd got there had achieved far more than those in private schools who'd been schooled and crammed and encouraged and pushed.
It has also made me a bit snobby about private schools. If you haven't gone to one of the top ones then what was the point. An odd reaction I agree from someone who attended a comp.

The private school teen girls I know are riddled with self-doubt and anxiety. I don’t recognise this stereotype of confidence and arrogance at all in this group anecdotally.

I have a lot of privately educated friends, they all have overwhelming self confidence, don't mind offending people, don't understand their own privilege. I find they are fearless about leaping between jobs because even though we are no longer young their parents would bail them out if needed and they know they will get a large inheritance at some point. They are also loyal, warm, kind, funny people which is why we are friends.

I went to university with a lot of people who went to private school and I noticed that it gave them confidence and social skills that not everyone has especially at that age. Whether they know about the real world very much depends on how they were generally brought up rather than due to private school but often wealth means people are protected from seeing how other people live.
It does give an advantage in some ways but life is unfair and often the advantage comes from the people they know to then have career opportunities. I don’t think it gives them an advantage in terms of necessarily being happy or well rounded though so it depends what you value in life.

It doesn’t bother me - they didn’t choose their school. If I was being really really honest with myself, I probably feel a bit superior- like I am cleverer than them because I could achieve on my own merits. But such thoughts are unworthy, so I would try to quash them.

Confidence seems to be the difference. I attended a failing school but have managed to do quite well and am told I exude self assurance (it’s all bollocks I am riddled with doubt I just suppress it unhealthily).

I don’t like private education. The state provision should be a high standard. Sadly, where I live, the only state provision for high school in our catchment are failing schools. My husband has 4 siblings, he’s the only one who even made it to GCSE. Where we live is rural and gorgeous, but deprived. For secondary for our DC, we are considering private. Not so they can be a high flyer, I don’t particularly care about that, but so they can receive a decent education. Having attended a failing school myself it really held me back and sometimes I wonder if people don’t realise that some areas the state education available is incredibly poor.

My principles are my principles, but at the expense of my child receiving an adequate education? Turns out my leftie credentials are fairly easily tested!

It’s an interesting one … it only really matters if you’re in an industry that values privately educated people.

I don’t think there’s any difference academically between my privately and state school educated colleagues.

However, confidence is a big factor - privately educated colleagues are definitely more confident, speak more in meetings, and don’t have imposter syndrome. They also care less about losing their job.

I think it’s more from coming from a comfortable financial base, and never having to worry about cash. If you’ve always been rich, you assume you always will be.

I don't really think going to private school generally gives you an advantage, no.

I can't always tell, without asking

There are a certain type of ex-private school oxbridge person, who thinks they are so superior to everyone else, with no self awareness, frequently functionally scientifically illiterate, highly ridiculous, and I feel contempt for them. I know a few of them, but these are the minority of privately educated adults

When I was young I thought private schools were for people who were rich but too stupid for grammar schools, which is true where I am from (guess which county I grew up in). So I thought of them as posh but dim. I didn't come across any public school types until university which was riddled with them. The main characteristic I associate with them now is confidence. Sometimes deserved, often not.

How utterly utterly ridiculous. You may disagree with private education but suggesting you would stay away from people whose parents chose to send them to a private school is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard.

I come from a pretty disadvantaged background, but got sent to a private girls' boarding school on a bursary when I was 13 and there were some over-entitled walkers, but there were also some really decent girls there.
I stuck out like a sore thumb and wasn't close to anyone, but having met up with some old peers in later life, I guess we were all a bunch of fucked up teenagers and, even in people who had more money than sense, there's always a mixture of dysfunction and success/attainment.
I don't really care where someone has been to school or what path they have traversed: I try to meet people where they are at, not where they are from.

I was responding to this poster.

I was sent to private school and it’s not something I’d ever do for my own children, such a wild waste of money.

My DM was convinced it would give me a leg up in life but I’ve not done anything particularly exciting in my career and earn about the same as most of my friends who didn’t go.

In normal life I’d never ask colleagues about their educational history because it doesn’t interest me or make any difference to my opinion of them. I know super nice people from all backgrounds, and dickheads as well 😂

Yes. Certainly in my line of work.

Yes it often helps with confidence. They have smaller classes so more time to speak up/attention and there is a big focus on extra curricular activities which help with confidence.

They are not necessarily cleverer. Someone with the same grades from a state school is probably cleverer, but confidence certainly helps in most jobs.

Personally I don't think anything about them - why should it bother me? I've done really well in my career - from a state school with supportive parents. Being good at your job is key and it's a candidates' market so there are plenty of opportunities.

That is awful.

DH went to private school, so did around half of our friends. I find it really makes little difference to their personalities or careers. The only thing I have actually noticed is that more of his private school friends, particularly male, have suffered from mental health issues than my school cohort.

DH and I work in the same industry in very similar roles, I am more successful than him.

I went to state comp, my sister went to private school, as did my DH and a couple of my best friends.
the friends are probably more confident than others, one has achieved well in their career the other not so much.
as @DaisyWaldron said, I think my state educated friends seem happier all round.
but my sister went to private school because she was socially awkward and a bit vulnerable, so I grew up thinking that people who went to private school probably couldn’t hack it at a comp as they were a bit needy 😂
until recently my job involved recruiting for NHS psychology/psychiatry and we preferred state education generally- higher social intelligence and our clients found them warmer and easier to get on with. But that’s a huge generalisation.

I work with a real mix.

I’d agree a private education tend to buy a degree of confidence and finesse, but it spews out plenty of people with lots of self doubt. They might be better at hiding it but it’s there all the same.

I don't know if my colleagues were private or state educated. I went to state school and have quite a "fearless", confident and unapologetic attitude to my career.

I went to a state school. My husband went to a boarding school. Both of us had/have post graduate degrees. I was in a creative field where earnings are on the low side. He was a city lawyer where earnings are much much higher. It was the fields we chose - if it was reversed I would have earned far more.
My children went/go to a private school. Some of my friends went private, some state. There is no difference between them, no feelings that one set was advantaged or not. I can also say that they are all middle class, all families valued education. All are fairly equally successful.

I have the same view and I attended one! as a result I’m always trying to dodge the question of where I went to school.

I also had to work through some entitlement in my late teens/ early 20’s.

Over confident but very lacking in substance and ability on the whole.
Obviously there's exceptions to this but you have to look hard!