If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I secretly think that sending children to private school is elitist bullshit, especially in primary school. That parents waste a large amount of money on their kids’ so called “education”. That money could be put aside for buying a flat instead, or some other investment for the children’s future. A lot of people don’t realise that education that comes from an institution such as a school is just a small percentage of a person’s education as a whole.
Once I saw a documentary about wealthy people sending their children (teenagers) to elite schools here in Britain. All they seemed to be doing is playing polo, swimming and shooting at clay pigeons with rifles. What a nice education! 😝
Btw it’s an open secret that children who go to expensive private schools often have private tutors coming to their house to study with them. If the school is so good then why the need for the extra tutoring?

What do I think of them? I think they are children whose parents decided to send them to private school. FFS people just listen to yourselves. There is so much jealousy and resentment. I went to a shitty comprehensive and lived on a large council estate. I know people who went to Eton. Some are nice, some are twats, just like the wide range of people you get in state schools. We are not superior just because we had a working class upbringing.

I’m actually embarrassed about this thread.

Ah no I'm not, but its fun to know the ridiculous uniforms are in other places too. There were so many weird uniforms, there was one with a little felt beret thing, one where even the oldest year groups in secondary schools still had girls in long, boxy checked summer dresses like overgrown 8 year olds, and secondary school boys in school shorts and long socks- like it was the 40s. So funny.

I went to an independent secondary but on a scholarship, not because my parents were wealthy. That experience taught me exactly that - it perpetuates inequality.

However, it wasn't until after I'd left school and had a group of friends who were almost entirely state educated that I realised how privileged my education was. Even friends in state grammar schools didn't have anything like the opportunities and resources we had in my school.

It is absolutely possible to have gone to private school and not be wealthy.I attended private school (as did all my 4 siblings) on a Government Assisted place, plus scholarships. These covered all costs. Just pointing out private education doesn’t always mean a wealthy/privileged background. Many people on this thread seem to conflate private schooling with a family’s financial security. There are as many types of school experience and resulting personalities in both sectors as there are different sorts of pupils !

I've worked with a few that went to private school. They were just normal nice people. I couldn't help think though well I did alright being in the same job as them and I went to a pretty rubbish school!

DH is the youngest of three, he went to private school. Middle sibling went for half of their education. Eldest went to state school. There is a noticeable difference in all 3 of them in terms of motivation/aspirations/careers/interests but who knows if this is linked to their education. DH said he felt like the "poor" kid in his school as he wasn't from a wealthy/educated background like his peers & he was always driven to succeed. He works at a senior level earning 250k. He is a brilliant public speaker/innately confident/makes friends easily/great conversation, has alot of self belief- I (not public school educated) think this comes from his education. I also know of public school educated friends who weren't academic but had more opportunities than others because of their network as well being aided by the bank of mum and dad. DH middle brother had an anti public school attitude as he was taken out of the local comp to move schools and always hated it. He was not very ambitious and ended up successful anyway earning 70k. Eldest brother not ambitious, had lots of random jobs, ended up in sales, earns 40k.
Out of the 3 of them, eldest is happiest. No idea what the take home is from all of that but wanted to share.

Or maybe the metric of success doesn't need to be what job you're in? Maybe those people would have had no chance of getting that job without the confidence a private education gave them. You have no idea about any one individuals circumstances.

The level of vitriol on this thread is breathtaking. I would have no idea if any of my colleagues went to private school. It's not something that has come up in conversation. I went to a private school until Year 8 and then had to leave when my alcoholic father drank my parents business away and it went bankrupt. I was homeless at 16. I would send my kids to private school if I could. I couldn't tell you if the standard of education was higher but it gave me confidence and opportunities and a much more rounded experience than the local comp I went to.

For all those professing about the unequal opportunities for the privately educated. You're right, it is unequal. As is the entire education system - don't pretend that tutoring your kids to get into grammar or being able to move house to an area where the schools are outstanding is not the same thing. The whole system needs reform and until all schools provide the same hig levels of education and opportunities then inequality will always exist.

I went to private school and I am not snobby - I did not go to university - can’t stand snobby people - I have friends from all walks of life -parents were working class and struggled to pay our school fees but we got through to 5th form - I work in admin now -

I think they are a complete and utter waste of time and money, but there's obviously a market for it.

I don't think there's any correlation between success in life and a private education.

Bwahaha. I had an interview at Durham and stayed overnight at Castle. I remember being introduced to a group of students who were already studying there and one started going on about her gap year which she'd spent on Daddy's yacht. Later in the conversation I said something about something that had happened on my estate (meaning housing estate) and she assumed my family owned an actual estate.

Genuine question. You went to private school and yet you aren't doing well enough financially to comfortably send your own kids, why are you bothering? I'm not trying to be a dick I would just like to know the reasoning.

I didn’t really notice until going to university in the mid 90’s, a decent Russell group one, it was stark between us as comprehensive and those from private.. it was almost assured they would have a place to fit in to post grad and this was just a stage to go through.

My husband went to boarding school then was a day boy. I'm not sure how not knowing about the real world comes into it. He is extremely intelligent and his Dad worked hard to pay for his education.

I went to a private school. No one knows, no one can tell, we don’t go around wearing rosettes. Funnily enough it’s not a topic of conversation that comes up very often and when it does I just say I was lucky enough to go to a good school. So all these sweeping generalisations I’m reading on this thread about private school pupils is just total BS. Yes, some privately educated people are over-confident, crashing snobs but the vast majority are not. This might shock some people but some total dickheads also went to state schools. For what it’s worth my state educated children have a much more privileged upbringing than I ever did. That said, i’m a pretty nice humble person and I hope my kids will be too.

Saying that though, my close knit uni friends, (state educated), we’re all doing very well in industry, outperforming our uni peers now.

I have lots of friends who went to private school. Noone looks down on anyone or visa versa

@Lcb123 could you be friends with @Sugarmicetails or no?

I'd never send my kids to private school and I have a couple of friends who do. It does make me a bit dubious of them tbh because what are they hoping to achieve? The idea of my kids only ever socialising etc with people of the same socioeconomic group is kind of really uncomfortable and not something I'd ever be comfortable with, let alone the morality of the whole idea of private schools."

1. You have literally no idea of anyone's personal circumstances - my friend's DD is on a full scholarship at our local private school due to her sporting achievement.

1. Do your DC not socialise outside of school? My DC have a wide ranging social circle from doing sports/guides/drama etc. No idea where half of them go to school or what socioeconomic group they're in. Do you check with your friends who have DC in private school that they're only socialising with the same socioeconomic group?

I know a four people who were privately educated and three of them haven't amounted to much- drug habits and revolving door jobs. Possibly because mummy and daddy bailed them out of all their troubles.

I look down on them for wasting their potential.

WOW this thread is so full of prejudice towards privately educated people and their parents !!!

It makes me embarrassed to be working class and state educated which I have never felt before !

Yes!

The uniforms looked super uncomfortable. Knee length wool tartan skirts with rugby like knee high socks, shirt, ties and blazers, and ALWAYS a lacrosse … thingy. Or hockey sticks. A large plastic wallet with artwork, and some form of instrument. And there’s me, with my entire school related belongings plonked into a Jane Norman bag.

But guess what? We all ended up in the same place anyway.

I know a few people who were privately educated.

Yes, I agree with pp that they are very confident - but also very arrogant.

But what has always stood out to me, socially, rather weird!! Say things that are very awkward and inappropriate. Very embarrassing at times especially with the opposite sex.

Because of this, I decided years ago I would never have my children privately educated.

You're not trying to be a dick but you are. Maybe their motivation isn't driven by financial success? Maybe the local schools don't offer the right provision for their DC and they know they won't thrive? Maybe their DC has SEN and the local provision is woeful?

‘It is absolutely possible to have gone to private school and not be wealthy.’

of course, statistically though - the parents who can afford £10k, £15k, £20k and more on the education on EACH child are wealthy. Certainly wealthier than most of the population.
I am surrounded by people at work who earn in the top 1% for the U.K. and have had family help with education and houses and holidays etc who wouldn’t consider themselves ‘wealthy’. They think they’re ‘normal’ MC.
it’s all relative.
I am a top 1% earner, as is DP so it’s not jealous that fuels my views. More the knowledge that as WC kids our journey to our education and careers was a LOT harder and scrappier than many colleagues.
therefore if I can mentor or give a leg up to someone from a similar background then I will - and it benefits me because I know they will work hard and are resilient.