If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I’ve known lots of privately educated people over the years, I sometimes feel like the poor country cousin but I don’t resent them for that.
I would have privately educated my kids in a heartbeat if I could have, many of my friends did.

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Some of that is not private school though it's the protection of a safety net.

My career before dc was in a industry heavily weighted towards private educated background. I did notice many were very confident in their abilities & opinions when often their ideas/opinions were mediocre. I also realised how important a safety net is because it enables you to be a lot more riskier.

My aforementioned uni was also Durham. 😄

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

The only difference between you is your lack of confidence.

I have no idea where my friends and colleagues went to school. We rarely talk about school at all unless it's in the context of our own children.

What this thread shows is the chip people have on their shoulders about their own lives. We spend so much of our time stereotyping others and it's so unnecessary. People are flawed, wherever they went to school. Private school pupils have mental health issues, shit families, disorganised lives just like the rest of us.

I am awesome, I'm brilliant at my job and not afraid to say so, I am confident in all social situations and in my abilities.

And I never went to school.

I criticise the system, not those who were/are able to take advantage of it.

I met literal classrooms full of these people at Durham. You had to laugh.

I am strongly politically and philosophically opposed to private education. But I am always surprised when people suggest that everyone emerging from such schools are "identikit." Of course they aren't.

How about a working class state educated person who went to one of those universities?

The ones I have met come across great at talking but deliver less than colleagues.

Not everyone in private school is rich. Many parents sacrifice their own needs for tgeir child's because private schools provide additional opportunity, often better education than state schools.

I went to uni in London with a very high number of rich kids and also kids who went to top private schools in scholarships. I went to state school. Yes, they were more confident, they were taught that opportunity is for the taking. But equally the parental expectation was very high. But I got on with every one of them, even the ones whose parents bought a student property for them to use or gave our college huge lump sums of money through grants etc.

I wish state schools would create that in kids, teach them how to revise, what opportunities are available etc.

Sadly a lot of responses to your post are inverse snobbery.

If you can't relate to work colleagues, then accept it, not everyone can be your friend and its not because they went to public school it's because their circle of friends/connections etc are different to yours as is their perception of life.

I disagree with the principle of a two tier educational system based on wealth but the way I justify it to myself is that they sat the same exams I did and they can’t be bought (well I am sure there a few anomalies)

My first impression of that world was a girl who was neighbours with one of my friends and joined our friendship group when we were teens. One Saturday night we were all invited to her house. I thought that’s nice until I got there and it was very obvious that we were being “interviewed and assessed” by her mother to see if we were fit to be friends with her daughter. I think that is where my perception of that world started

These days I find there is a level of arrogance, confidence and entitlement from those that attended private school. That opinion comes from meeting people both socially and professionally with that background. So much that I actually left a job as there was a massive recruitment drive and most that were brought in were identikit private school/Oxbridge knobs and I felt I didn’t belong there anymore

Luckily I moved to a company where people were much more down to earth. You could say that’s reverse snobbery and you would probably be right but it is a much nicer environment in my opinion

Of course not, but by the time they've been filtered through the same private school system and then had enough in common to appky specifically to Hatfield College at Durham it is not surprising that Nick, Dan and Rob all end up sharing a flat in Elephant and Castle while they do the KPMG graduate scheme. (Names changed obviously)

This.

But I also know a fair few privately educated people, from at least 4 different schools and they all have a very entitled demeanour. Particularly the men. Sneer at any opinions that they don't hold themselves.

One thing I will say is that they are ALL successful in their careers, but the majority of them are fairly unlikeable.

Some of the generalisations on this thread are ridiculous. I’ve met several privately-educated people who are lovely, some who are entitled arseholes, and many are anywhere in between - same with state-educated people. The idea of not being friends with someone on the basis of a decision their parents made, potentially decades ago, is risible!

How awful of them not to be wage slaves to prop up your dhs business!

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

No, no, and no. In my circle of friends, there's a fairly equal split of private and state-educated individuals - if they had advantages, they weren't unfair ones, they were simply purchasable. I don't particularly care whether someone was educated privately or not, and not knowing about the "real world" has no connection with where they were educated.

Because we are all given the choice at 4 by our parents

I went to private secondary school on a full fees scholarship.

I certainly know about the real world as we never had a penny growing up. I experienced significant trauma from when I was born til I left home at 18.

I started work when I was 12 and by 16 was working 2 jobs - cleaning after school each day and working in a shop on weekends. The trauma I experienced as a kid wasn't nice, but I'm not complaining about the lack of money - working from a young age was a good experience which taught me to work hard and has been valuable.

Many of my friends at school had money I could only ever dream of, but I didn't much care. I was lucky that all my friends were really nice. Money didn't matter in my friendship group thankfully, but my private school was a regular one, not for the super elite like Eton or harrow.

I never tell people I went to private school as I feel I'd be judged massively. No-one who knows me would guess really and it doesn't come up.

I had some advantages from my schooling, but nothing much more than I would have got from state education. I felt a bit the odd one out at times due to abuse and neglect at home, and stuff like homework being the least of my priorities. I drank and smoked at home from 11, which none of my school friends would have been allowed to do in a million years! My friends parents were, on the whole, lovely and very education focussed and would support their kids homework, extra curricular activities etc.. which was nice for them (and v different from my experience!) but it didn't turn them into out of touch snobs, it just gave them some security and resilience.

I'm sure there are plenty of privately educated kids - now adults, that were and remain massively out of touch with real life. But plenty are nice humans and plenty do know about the real world. Many of my rich friends were bought up to understand the world and to be decent, kind people. Many had lovely families and parents that simply wanted to do their best by their kids.

Please don't judge us all as toffs or being raised with a silver spoon. It's all a bit more complex than that.

DH went to private school. By his own admission when he got to university he was an over-confident arse and he counts himself very lucky that he made a group of friends who really knocked the corners off him. I don't think he's obviously privately educated now, he's lovely and very normal.

People sometimes think I went to private school, I don't know why. I'm very quick to correct them. Would hate to have anyone believing I was.

A privately educated person here…
I’m an only child - dad a builder and mum stayed at home, they both came from comp schools in London. I got a good result in my 11+ exams which gave me a discounted rate on fees as my dad was self employed.
I didn’t go to uni, but I appreciate that I had a good education & opportunities. I married a man who went to the local comp and my children go to the locally primary school and will not be privately educated.
I don’t like the judgment from some about privately educated people. Maybe it depends on the area. It’s a bit of a joke with my friends that I went to “such and such” school…don’t know what that says really?! Most of my friends weren’t privately educated (although I do still have some friends from school I see).

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

No, no and yes. Can't call it an unfair advantage, its fair that their parents had the money and made that choice. Don't care in the slightest. They mostly seem oblivious to the real world, or what real problems can be as I usually find they've not been exposed to much of the real world.

I went to a shit comprehensive. Dh went to a public school. His education was a million times better than mine. His friends from school are all lovely, funny people. I didn't want my kids to have the poor experience of education that I had, so after state primary they all went to private schools. I know state secondaries are better now, but I couldn't risk it.

My issue is not with people who went to private school. Some are dicks, some aren't. I do have an issue with people who send their children to private school.

So many people with huge chips on their shoulders.

Lovely funny man has lovely funny friends. Who knew!