Very rich parents

[jennybrightcandle]

I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here or not. I may be a terrible person and am willing to be told so if that is the case.

When I was growing up, my parents had a fairly average income. I had a fairly “normal” upbringing: 3 bed semi, camping holidays, state schools etc. However, over time, my parents have become very rich. Partly luck of course, but also a lot of very hard work.

They are now in a position where they can go on multiple holidays a year (they’ve just booked two cruises for this summer, for example). They own two properties outright (one they live in, one they rent out). They are fairly open about their finances and so I know that as well as claiming a final salary pension, my dad is also still bringing in around 100k a year in investments and consultancy work. They have told me that they have full holdings in premium bonds etc etc.

We are fairly typical of our generation in that we both work full time in order to pay our mortgage. Neither of us particularly enjoy our jobs but we can’t career change or reduce hours as we need the money. We haven’t been on holiday overseas since 2015. We are doing fine and not on the breadline, but things are tight. We don’t currently have any savings although hopefully that will change soon as our youngest will be starting school (previously we were paying around 18k a year on childcare!!)

This is where it gets a bit embarrassing but am I being totally unreasonable to think our parents could maybe…help us out a bit?! I mean, I look at some of my peers who have had significant parental help towards buying a house or free childcare etc. And I just find it a bit odd that they haven’t thought to do the same.

I know I shouldn’t expect it and that they have no obligation whatsoever to provide anything now that I’ve left home but I just find it kind of hurtful. They have so much money and we live fairly hand to mouth each month. I honestly can’t imagine being like this with my own children and plan to help them out as much as I can.

So…am I being horribly unreasonable, materialistic and grasping 😬?

She doesn't need her parents money.

Perhaps your kids won't 'need' their house deposits from you.

Well I bloody well hope not.

Imagine bringing your kids up with the expectations of hand outs into adult hood.

Imagine bringing your kids up with the expectations of hand outs into adult hood.

Hilariously OP has never had a handout from her parents whereas your kids will be setting off with one.

I'm not sure what kind of gotcha you think that is.

Hilariously OP is moaning about the fact at the age of 35 her parents don't sub her fancy life style.

I think OP needs to realise that her parents OWE her nothing.

It's the expectation and entitlement which is unreasonable.

And before you come back with fancy life style the examples she has given is -

• having to holiday in the uk
• having to work full time.
• having to buy clothes on vinted

She's hardly living hand to mouth and will soon have £18k per year additional money when her childcare costs end.

@sunglassesonthetable

So despite your twatty response the generational divide is material to this argument . OPs parents are being criticised for basically having an attitude that kids should stand on their own two feet which is the prevalent attitude for their generation

Did I say it was a gotcha ? You're the one calling it that. 😁

After your ( frankly pompous ) remark about bringing up children to expect handouts. You can't see the irony?

You're doing it. OP has never had 'a handout'.

I'd say it is the weird selfishness/ blindness on the part of the parents that is U.

So despite your twatty response the generational divide is material to this argument . OPs parents are being criticised for basically having an attitude that kids should stand on their own two feet which is the prevalent attitude for their generation

Despite all the replies on here from parents of older children who DONT think that. And enjoy helping them.

You can try and minimise this issue into cliched generalisations but that probably deserves a twatty response.

Have you RTFT?

I was fortunate to have generous parents who helped us out particularly when we were going through difficult times. I try to help my adult DC out when I can.

YANBU.

*Despite all the replies on here from parents of older children who DONT think that. And enjoy helping them.

You can try and minimise this issue into cliched generalisations but that probably deserves a twatty response.*

well at the end of the day despite what some older parents are doing, from the children’s perspective it’s still entitlement (that is gradually getting normalised)

well at the end of the day despite what some older parents are doing, from the children’s perspective it’s still entitlement (that is gradually getting normalised)

You don't think older people had help from their parents?

I'd say it is the weird selfishness/ blindness on the part of the parents that is U.

Aye right, the OP and her partner earn decent wages, have a mortgage and take holidays.

It's definitely selfish and blindness on the parent's part not to make sure they get foreign holidays and not to enable their adult daughter to work part time!!! I've never heard anything so entitled in my entire life.

If an adult child of mine felt so entitled to have their lives styles propped up I'd feel I'd parented them badly. I certainly wouldn't be handing them wads of cash to spend on luxury items.

You don't think older people had help from their parents?

Not for things like foreign holidays I don't. In my family no one in the older generations could afford to pay for their children's weddings or to put money towards a property. My in laws are quite wealthy my DH went to boarding school they haven't given us hand outs either. Why should they? None of my friends had handouts either. We all expected to stand on our own feet as adults. Any 'warm handed gifting' would be just that. A gift not an expectation.

Some would say entitlement, others would call it preservation and creation of generational wealth. I am more comfortable than I should be because of this, my kids can become teachers or junior doctors or firefighters if they like and they’ll be okayish as well.

Some people are brilliant and make lots of money but most of us are average hard working types in average paid jobs. The help we are given means more wealth is created for the next generation and so it continues.

I am more comfortable than I should be because of this, my kids can become teachers or junior doctors or firefighters if they like and they’ll be okayish as well.

In my family no handouts were given. There are 4 of us. All went to state school.

We are a doctor, a lawyer and accountant and a teacher.

You don't need to have handouts to succeed in life. How astonishing that you think otherwise.

It's definitely selfish and blindness on the parent's part not to make sure they get foreign holidays and not to enable their adult daughter to work part time!!! I've never heard anything so entitled in my entire life.

Actually I should have said "lack of generosity ".

Parents don't have to "make sure they get foreign holidays" before you choke on your exclamation marks.

Maybe just inviting them on a holiday with them, once. 😄 Maybe you'll do that , shock , one day.

You don't need to have handouts to succeed in life. How astonishing that you think otherwise.

Of course you don't.

But it's nice to be able to give them.

I find this "they owe you nothing" argument cold and bizarre. They are your PARENTS. They do not owe you a fancy lifestyle at all but we live in a sad society if we feel don't lend a helping hand to struggling dc if they have the means. This attitude would not prevail in many societies. I guess the Thatcher years left their mark on British society.

My friends parents are legit millionaires and charge my friend market rate rent on their house her parents own and don't help out any other way at all. I've always thought they were alone in this mean-ness! I just couldn't see my kids struggle while I sit on bags of money.

don't lend a helping hand to struggling dc

But OP isn't struggling!

If OP had come on saying she was struggling to afford heating bills or to buy her kids uniforms or shoes I do expect the responses may be slightly different!

But it's nice to be able to give them.

I haven't said it isn't nice, just that it shouldn't be expected by adults in their 30's who think they should be having better holidays.

Not for things like foreign holidays I don't.

You know the OP meant being invited with them on holiday.

Op isn't struggling but plenty of us are and getting no help.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday with them op. Gifts with strings are no gifts at all.

I haven't said it isn't nice, just that it shouldn't be expected by adults in their 30's who think they should be having better holidays.

If that's what you took from the Op 🤦‍♀️

If my kids were 'exhausted, stressed and juggling ' I would love to help them.

They wouldn't have to be going without basics to warrant it.