I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

I would just say as it’s been eaten then there is no more of those types of food until next month. I wouldn’t have taken their money aswell. Did you ask why they took the food and hid it? If my kids are hungry they ask and I will say they can have x/y/z, I would be concerned about them hiding it.

they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars

Wait so you want to feed your children chocolate instead of fruit because it's cheaper?

But the cheese is baby bels and yoghurt is frubles. In fact I bought baby bels for me for my packed lunch and my eldest ate the whole bag in two days.
Mine would have eaten then too, but left the normal cheese and big tub of Greek yogurt. Or even the big tub of strawberry yogurt.

2kids, £20 each £3.50 worth of snacks a day. Easily doable

Children can't self-regulate. They tend to be impulsive, because they are kids. Did you ask them why? there's no shame in telling them that you've had time to think, that these are the reasons why they shouldn't do that and give them their money back with a few new basic rules going forward of asking first.

Anyway:
I stock the fridge with yoghurts smoothies and cheeses and DS is the same age as yours - he knows he needs one of each per day for his lunch. How and when he eats the extra is up to him. It took a week of him having a boring lunch on the Thursday and Friday for him to save it.

They should get a snack but make better options available. Increase their portions during meals. My 10yo has almost the same size plate as me. So check that they are actually getting enough to eat and this snacking is not because of hunger. If it is the latter, that's on you so they deserve their money back.

Sandwich items that they can make something more filling than an apple for example. Or they can make themselves crackers and cheese, a wrap, or
Fruit doesn't really fill you up all that well. Even more raw veg prepped and ready to go in the fridge might be better and work out cheaper.

Mix up some pasta salad they can help themselves to. I make a massive tub to do us for lunches and snacking for a few days and load it with onion, peppers, sweetcorn, tuna, cherry tomatoes and whatever else you want to chuck in. Dressing is a tub of greek yoghurt, same amount in mayo, a tablespoon each of garlic paste, dijon mustard, tarragon and red wine vinegar. Rice salads are an option as well, cous-cous too. Or I do my salad chopping prep at the weekends sometimes for a few days that way I can just throw together something while the kettle is boiling.

Maybe it could be a whole-family healthy eating thing rather than aiming it just at the kids? Buy cheaper cheeses that come in a pack, buy the big smoothie bottles (or better yet, get a cheap smoothie maker, frozen fruit, greek yoghurt and a splosh of OJ and they can easily assemble and make a filling fresh one. Crackers instead of biscuits, that sort of thing. If there's less processed food in the house you are steering them towards healthier choices with less sugar and salt as well.

I don't think it's fair to charge them for the food. It sounds like the food situation in your house needs a complete overhaul, and this would be a great opportunity to have a family meeting to make sure the rules are clear and that everyone has what they need.

If they are sneaking food then it shows that they at least aren't getting what they want in terms of food, but also that they don't feel comfortable bringing it up. What are the rules about snacks? Do they always have to ask? Do you keep tight control over food? That's understandable if you're on a tight budget.

I would suggest that everyone is told explicitly how many snacks they are allowed to have each day, maybe even given their own snack boxes of things that are available. Once they're gone, only "boring"/cheap snacks are available e.g. toast.

Ask the children whether or not they are getting enough foods at meal times. They are at a good age to actually take on some responsibility for meal times too, maybe they could cook dinner once a week to start to get some control over what they're eating.

Basically, bring the secret eating and lying into the sunlight, work out what's behind it and work together with the kids for a solution.

I wouldn't have done it but now you have I wouldn't go back on it as that would send a worse message.

It’s not just sweets and chocolate they have taken though. When are they allowed the sweets and chocolate as it suggest not week days?

I think a sit down talk and warning would have been more appropriate. Explain if they are hungry to ask you but not just take it. Or perhaps do weekly snack boxes for them and when it's gone it's gone.

Did they say why?

this is basically what's happened.

cheese (the little triangles) or ham with crackers or fruit Is fine (within reason) . and I don't mind a couple of biscuits or a pack of crisps if they ask. They knew what they did was wrong and that's why they hod the 'evidence'

I think the problem is they can now reach the top shelf in the big cupboard so tried it on.

what did your sister do about your nice?

I know mentioned the babybell because I last brought those way before Xmas, they've gone up in price so I don't buy them anymore. So they've obviously been nicking a couple of bits and bobs, but that's OK, it wasn't enough for me to notice. But I noticed this load as they had almost every treat and they rearrange the empty boxes to look as though they were full.

WTF is her being an "only child" to do with it ??!

People always dissing on ONLY children here, like we are a species of our own
NO we are not all spoilt food thieving kids either!
In fact its fucking lonely as an Only especially as you get older!!
Perhaps the poor kid comfort eats??

Grasping for some hope!

I recently ordered my DDs passport renewal and stupidly put my married name in the application even though we only got married recently so hadn’t changed it on any official gov places except driving lisence. The passport office have asked for my marriage certificate to be sent in but I’m still waiting for it to be delivered (8 days waiting already)

Does anyone know how long it takes from them receiving my supporting documents and checking them to her passport being sent? We’re due to go away beginning of April but haven’t booked the ferry yet. Personal family circumstances mean we’d like to head out beginning of April or I wouldn’t be concerned about the delay.

Thanks!

I would have a little chuckle at this and not give it another thought. My husband hid some chocolates from me last night, to my absolute delight I’ve just found them and scoffed the lot. When he comes home he’ll call me fatty and we’ll both laugh. Lighten up.

Hear Hear
Some nasty mares on here for sure,.

Sorry! Wrong place to post new post. New here!

If you give a gift, ( in this case money) it should not be taken back.
I think you need to give you children back their money.

I would consider your behaviour, as pretty harsh. Perhaps, you've forgotten what's it's like to be a child. I'm not suprised your children couldn't resist the temptation to have sweets.

Yeah, this really got my back up, too.

I work with families who would absolutely love to give their kids £40 for Christmas.

You're wrong to take their money. The stuff was bought for them, they've just eaten it in a couple of days rather than spreading it out over the month, so the consequences are nothing for the rest of the month, once its gone its gone.
As for eating your husband's share, that shouldn't come to £40 worth. A grown man shouldn't be resorting to treat bars in the absence of McDonald's! If that's how he eats, that's poor role modelling for the children.
Going forward you need clear rules about what they're allowed to eat and when. A strict ban on bedroom eating is also useful.

'They must be hungry'..give me strength, they are kids, they fancy the snacks..I bet on the days they swiped those they miraculously weren't that hungry for dinner.
I would have taken enough money to replace their father's snacks. I wouldn't have replaced anything else and would refuse to buy treats next month.

@isitjustmey there is serious issues there. Its not right to take food and go away to hide to eat it and hide the evidence. There is deeper issues there and the child needs help

So they have gone from stealing cheese and yoghurt to stealing fruit??

That is not normal. It really isn't. Are you giving them the right meals that fill them up so they don't need to snack/steal?

Surely if you want to restrict chocolate and biscuits and get your kids to eat healthy, you don't eat them in such quantities yourself.